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Also... Can you link me to your Husbands thread page that the letter he wrote to you is on?
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Last night I did ask her if she had anything she wanted to know about what ive done in 4 years then ask me. She only had maybe 3 questions and she didnt have anything else to ask. Why do you think that is??? Uhm, perhaps because she is not yet convinced that you could ever be a truthful man who would be radically honest regardless of the consequences. So, asking the questions is a waste of her time.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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You are still trying to find ways to manipulate her. Yes, that is why you gave her the letter. You wanted to make her feel a certain way...that is manipulating. You were hoping for a certain outcome...to make her feel a certain way...feel "good" about your past together. Zach, your past together is horrid. Face that now and do the right thing by this woman. Well put, SMB. Thank you, Frozen. I am having a real hard time staying on this thread. I have to see some actions today, or I cannot help this man any longer. My heart breaks for his wife. His still doesn't.
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im not sure what else I can do to prove to her? How about all the things I listed for you? See, you know what else you can do.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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Today she talked me online through her phone and was just asking me why this why that, and bringing up all these bad things again like she has been recently. Yes, the bad things need to be brought up. The "good" memories won't get you by anymore, Zach. It's time to face the bad ones. Im telling you all of this to show how shes acting. We don't care how she's reacting. We aren't trying to help you manipulate her. We are trying to help you do the RIGHT THING REGARDLESS of her reaction.
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Sorry I am going to take ever single thing you have told me and im going to do as many of them as possible today, I apologize for skipping around your advice. Ill prove myself to you guys.
SMB- Could you link me to the page that your husbands letter is on please?
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I recommend getting a birthday gift and Christmas gift. But make them sentimental, and expect nothing in return. Her gift to you will be letting you make her happy. Although gift giving can fill an emotional need, Zach could easily use this as another excuse to defocus on what NEEDS to be done. If he doesn't close doors to OW through NC letter and changing cell phones, I want no part in him wooing his wife back. He may woo her back, but will inevitably devastate her again because he left doors WIDE open.
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Sorry I am going to take ever single thing you have told me and im going to do as many of them as possible today, I apologize for skipping around your advice. Ill prove myself to you guys. I am a BS...words mean nothing to me. Stop apologizing and get the work done. SMB- Could you link me to the page that your husbands letter is on please? Zaaaacchhhh, are you trying to frustrate me? I copied and pasted my FWH's letter into your thread here yesterday morning. Go back and read my posts to you from yesterday, and you will find his letter as well as my response back to him.
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But Zach, you letter needs to be YOUR letter. You may read my FWH's letter, but then you must delve deep into yourself and write your own genuine apology.
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Sorry I am going to take ever single thing you have told me and im going to do as many of them as possible today, I apologize for skipping around your advice. Ill prove myself to you guys.
SMB- Could you link me to the page that your husbands letter is on please? Skipping around isn't what I would call what you are doing. I call it cherry picking..... The letter you are asking for a link to was posted by SMB yesterday.......its on your page already pg22 ......your wasting everyones time by cherry picking and not reading advise already sent to you.......
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Im getting it done right now...Im going to stop wasting your time and my time, and do what I have to do now.
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Zach,
tst is MY FWH. Find his thread and read it. Then you will see what remorse and brokenness look like.
I pray you get there. It is a painfully BEAUTIFUL thing.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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Thank you, im glad both of you are here, its a true blessing from god.
Should the letter be like a list? Or like a traditional letter?
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Im getting it done right now...Im going to stop wasting your time and my time, and do what I have to do now. Good! I look forward to reading tonight about all the things you accomplished today. You can do this, Zach. It's going to hurt to go to that dark place in your heart where your secrets lie. But it is good and right. Go there.
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Thank you, im glad both of you are here, its a true blessing from god.
Should the letter be like a list? Or like a traditional letter? That is up to you. But a list will help you stay focused and not ramble and turn it into being about you. Remember, to the point and specific. This is where you own your stuff.
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Ill do better at a list I guess, cause i know ill start rambling.
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Heres my Im Sorry's
I am sorry for ever treating you bad in our relationship together
I am sorry for all the disrespect I have shown to you
I am sorry for ever rasing my voice to you
I am sorry for the times I put you down
I am sorry for all the hurt I have put you through over the years
I am sorry I have done these such horrible things to you that you didn’t deserve
I am sorry for getting angry at you when you tried to help
I am sorry for all the hurt I have put upon your memories
I am sorry for making decisions that would jeperdise our love
I am sorry for not being truthful to you
I am sorry for taking your kindness and love for adavantage
I am sorry for putting you through what I have as well as your family
I am sorry the times I would walk out on you when you were crying for me and begging
I am sorry for the week you were begging me to come home, and I ignored it
I am sorry for breaking the vows I took on May 26th 2007
I am sorry for taking you for granted
I am sorry for never communicating to you like you asked
I am sorry for continuing to put you in the ground after giving several chances
I am sorry for making you afraid to be around me
I am sorry for hurting someone that’s willing to do anything in the world for me
I am sorry for making your self esteem so low
I am sorry for not making you feel beautiful
I am sorry for making you change for me when you were perfect to began with
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Do I do the im thankfuls now?
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Zach:
This is all well and good, but what about the no contact letter and changing your cell phone?
As SMB said, this should be done ASAP.
onmywayhome
Me - 40
S - 32
Married Jan/2006
5 kids from previous marriage
1 son from current marriage
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Im typing the no contact letter right after this....And calling the Cell company to change my #.
Heres my letter, I may add a few more
I am sorry for ever treating you bad in our relationship together
I am sorry for all the disrespect I have shown to you
I am sorry for ever raising my voice to you
I am sorry for the times I put you down
I am sorry for all the hurt I have put you through over the years
I am sorry I have done these such horrible things to you that you didn’t deserve
I am sorry for getting angry at you when you tried to help
I am sorry for all the hurt I have put upon your memories
I am sorry for making decisions that would jeopardize our future
I am sorry for not being truthful to you
I am sorry for taking your kindness for advantage
I am sorry for putting you through what I have as well as your family
I am sorry the times I would walk out on you when you were crying for me and begging
I am sorry for the week you were begging me to come home, and I ignored it
I am sorry for breaking the vows I took on May 26th 2007
I am sorry for taking you for granted
I am sorry for never communicating to you like you asked
I am sorry for continuing to put you in the ground after giving several chances
I am sorry for making you afraid to be around me
I am sorry for hurting someone that’s willing to do anything in the world for me
I am sorry for making your self esteem so low
I am sorry for not making you feel beautiful
I am sorry for making you change for me when you were perfect to began with
I am sorry for not being the husband you wanted me to be
I am sorry for all the lies ive said to you
I am sorry for not meeting your needs
I am sorry for not spending the time with you that you needed
I am sorry for calling you names and saying bad things to you
I am sorry for all the pain I have put you through and caused
I am sorry for all the things I made you believe
I am sorry for not putting you first in my life at times
I am thankful for ever meeting you
I am thankful for such a beautiful wife
I am thankful for someone who cares so much about me
I am thankful for all the lessons you’ve taught me
I am thankful for the second chances
I am thankful for I chose you as my wife
I am thankful for the 4 years together
I am thankful for our marriage
I am thankful for the 4 years you’ve put up with me
I am thankful for you teaching me so much about me
I am thankful for you turning my life around
I am thankful for sharing something no one could give me
I am thankful for that place In my hear you share
I am thankful for your family
I am thankful for the nights in your arms
I am thankful for the only person who has stood up for me
I am thankful for you believing in me
I am thankful for the day I married you and accepted you forever
I am thankful for the wonderful honeymoon
I am thankful for the joy you’ve brought me for years
I am thankful for the opportunity to share something so special
I am thankful for your touch and kindness
I am thankful for you being by my side through family deaths
I am thankful for the best times in my life with you
I am unsure you still have feelings for me
I am unsure if you would give me the chance
I am unsure if you truly see my change
I am unsure if you’ll ever feel what we use to have
I am unsure if you’ll accept my apology
I am unsure if you have the desire to go through with this
I am unsure if what ive done to you can be fixed
I am unsure if you I can be a good husband for you
I am unsure what your intentions are
This is my letter to you. Now I ask, is there any possibility of reconciliation? I understand you have every right to say no to this question.
Last edited by Zachb01; 12/04/07 01:40 PM.
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