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And Zach, when we post to you, if you don't understand what we are asking you to do, or if you don't understand something we have said, let us know. We are happy to explain further to help you "get it".
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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SMB- Yes I see exactly what you are saying. About the first 25pages on my thread or so is junk. It was me being an idiot and lying about my A. I think ive truly started to realize everything and started to progress when my W took seperation papers out on me and we've had our space. Before then I was iffy and I was wanted her to react ect.
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And Zach, when we post to you, if you don't understand what we are asking you to do, or if you don't understand something we have said, let us know. We are happy to explain further to help you "get it". Thanks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Dont worry ill def. let you know if I dont understand.
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SMB- Yes I see exactly what you are saying. About the first 25pages on my thread or so is junk. It was me being an idiot and lying about my A. I think ive truly started to realize everything and started to progress when my W took seperation papers out on me and we've had our space. Before then I was iffy and I was wanted her to react ect. I still want you to go back and read IT ALL. You need to take a good, honest look right now about where you've been. And, Zach, you keep saying things like: "I finally realize blah, blah, blah "I finally understand blah, blah, blah When you read through it all, notice how many times you say this. If you FINALLY UNDERSTAND, you wouldn't need to FINALLY UNDERSTAND AGAIN.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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Yep, I noticed that right before your last post SMB. I told myself...Ive said that a bunch of times.
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Read the first 10 pages so far, so much to read!
Ive noticed ive been very demanding at that point and I wasnt very stable knowing I finally couldnt control my wife. Yes I was very manupliative, and wanted reactions from her on what I did and said, I begged and tried to tell her all these things I was going to do ect. I dont blame her for not listening to me and not giving in. She gained a lot of respect from me there. I wanted all these things to happen and it ate me up cause I wasnt in control for once.
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LA Asked me to do this and I didnt.
"You have a new set of amends to make. Would you consider taking three days and writing out each action you took which attacked your relationship/marriage...owning you what you did, why you did it, and what's different in you now to know you won't choose to do it again? Those are real amends. We can't change a single action/word we took or spoke in the past. We can amend in the present. You began this verbally...written lasts. You keep a copy on the wall of your room, along with your written code...lots of homework."
Ive been wondering....Where has LovingAnyway been? I miss your inspiriation!! And also. Sadpunk? I read through a lot of your old posts where have you been
Last edited by Zachb01; 12/11/07 09:09 PM.
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Good Morning....
Been a bad day already, didnt get any sleep last night and im feeling depressed today. Anyone around?
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How did reviewing your thread affect you, Zach?
Were you able to see some things about YOU that you didn't before?
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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Reading through it showed a lot to me and looking through it I see how you all see how ive been selfish and how ive wanted her to react to everything. I see what you all are saying from my posts. After reading that it has made me change a lot on my thinking and such.
Since we've split on the 5th ive approached everything the MB way and not Zachs way and its helping.
My W is focused on her job right now, shes really nervous, she hasnt heard from them yet and she will find out today. She really hates the one shes at now, I hope she gets it!
Also shes moving in with her Friend.
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I thought you said she already got the job?
onmywayhome
Me - 40
S - 32
Married Jan/2006
5 kids from previous marriage
1 son from current marriage
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They told her she basically had it and they would call her back that day, and they called and said they were still talking with another person. The 2 guys want her to have it but they have to talk someone a little higher above so she can.
Shes really mad with her work today, they made her mad and shes talking about walking out today. I txted her and told her I hope she gets the job today! They are susposed to call her. She told me about how ill she was with her job now today.
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Im having a bad day. I guess its going to happen day to day.
Im feeling really alone and helpless today for some reason since ive gotten home.
I was bored so I texted the W and asked her what she was doing, she just told me nothing. And we left it at that.
Anyone around tonight?
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I think going back over all your previous posts was a good suggestion. Glad to see you saw inthem what we were noticing, about expecting your wife to respond in ways that you wanted her to.
It will take a long time for your wife to trust you again, Zach, IF she ever does...
You are going to have to be patient and keep making permanent improvements regardless of whether or nto she seems to even notice, let alone reward you, for those changes.
It's called integrity.
You can do this and you will be so proud of yourself, Zach.
Sorry to hear you are feeling low and lonely tonight.
Find something to watch, tv or video/DVD, that will make you laugh. Very healthy. Or do some exercise or even housecleaning, get up and move around. If you can get K-Love on your radio, put that on or some Christmas music.
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Thanks Meremortal, yes this is the emotional rollercoaster. I went downstairs and came out of my room for once and went and talked to my mom for a while, and put some tape on our cats paws and laughed LOL. Just have to take it day by day. Im already proud of myself to come this far, I never ever thought in my mind there was anything I could do to change my ways and my anger. And so far I have conquered it, still have to keep on though! That friend of my W even said... "I really didnt think people could ever change that did the things you did, but now youve proved me wrong!" That made me feel so good <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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That is good!! You need a dog!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
onmywayhome
Me - 40
S - 32
Married Jan/2006
5 kids from previous marriage
1 son from current marriage
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That is good!! You need a dog!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I do <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> My W has it at her house Mini English Bulldog <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />. We bought it 2 years ago for christmas
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Cat torturer!
I know where you live, and I'm gonna put double stick on YOUR paws and see how YOU like it!
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Cat torturer!
I know where you live, and I'm gonna put double stick on YOUR paws and see how YOU like it! Your CRAZY! I have like 4 cats of my own and my parents have like 3 I love animals.
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Go back a read your entire thread tonight with a pad of paper by your side. Take a good, hard, honest look. For this exercise, I would like you to skip onmywayhome's posts. I disagree with most of the things he has told you to do, and he is not advising or is confused on MBer principles. (I don't mean disrespect to you OMWH, but I want him to examine this through MB principles.)
Everytime you come across something you were told to do and haven't done or your find a question you haven't answered, write them down on your paper. When you are done, take a break. Let your mind settle. Then go back to the list later and post here what you found. OK? Will you do that?
We have seen some actions from you, but they are always accompanied by a motive to get your BW to feel something or do something or react in a certain way. We want to see you strip through all of that manipulating behavior, and get down to the bare bones of who you are. Have you done this, Zach? I heard the inkling of a start, but I haven't heard anything else. Do you have the list completed and ready to post here? Today you started in with what a bad day and all about her job and her stuff. Time to get back to YOUR stuff. Isn't it amazing how easy it is to get side tracked?????
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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