You are getting some great advice here, and I really don't have much to add. I will say that at this point you are going to have to prove to her that you have changed, and that it's not all talk. You've made a lot of mistakes in this relationship, and so the healing is not going to happen overnight. Especially since you've said that b4 and yet fell back into old habits. You are young, though, and you have time to show her that you are really changing/growing up. The fact that she hasn't completely given up says a lot and I think she is just looking for the proof.

Getting a place for the 2 of you is going to be a big first step. I would recommend that if you are going to have that kind of cash to start (once you sell your race car) you should buy a small home rather than rent. That way you have a place that is yours rather than paying someone else rent for around the same amount as you would pay for your own home. I think this would go a long way towards showing her that you want to build a life together.

Good luck to you!!

Thank you, Im sure exactly sure what he intentions are right now. But yes, talk is nothing, actions mean everything. I guess we will just take it day by day. Thank you for posting here, ill keep u guys updated day to day. Going to be rough through the holidays though.




Off to work!

Have a good day

Ahhh weekend time. I always hate weekends cause I have to much time to myself to sit and wonder where she is. Still havent heard anything from her since tuesday on her Bday. Having a crappy time since Ive gotten home from work, I about wish I worked 7 days a week. I do so much better while im at work.


This next week is going to be really rough, I can feel it, family coming from FL. And its like when I saw them today, its so different cause everytime ive saw saw them, my W has always been with me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />.

Hi Zach!!!!

Hang in there, it's going to get a lot better!!! I know it doesn't feel like it but it will.

My sis has a cat named Zach. He is a real spitfire!! We believe he may be part bobcat...he certainly looks and acts the part!

He's okay though. He can be a sweetie when he's not ripping your head off!

Take care,

Charlotte

OK tonight has a lot happened.


I found out my W has been spending time with this OP. They havent done anything but she has been hanging out with him a lot here recently. I asked her some ?s about it cause they were spotted by a friend and her mom told me shes been talking to him on the phone. I asked her if she likes this guy, she said "hes nice". I asked if she had feelings for him and she said "not really, but he dawns to me". Hes meeting her EN and I explained that to her. This HURTS SO BAD AND IVE BEEN CRYING MY EYES OUT. Shes falling for this Other person and I dont know what to do. She still says "I dont know".



She feels she wants to move on but she loves me still and doesnt know what she wants to do, but yet she hangs out with this OP and talks to him on the phone? WHAT DO I DO???!!??



Im screwed I feel, I feel im done and shes over it and I should move on? I cant accept that. I explained to her tonight that we cannot get through this apart like we are right now. I asked her if she can spend time with me now, and she dont know. she says....Im so hurt and sad and dont know what to do! Im freaking out, someone please help me!

Zach, I am new here and I see alot of you in my younger years I know what you are going through. I was just here 3 months ago.


You still have the upper hand here. She still loves you. dont panic. From personal experiences dont make the same mistakes I did. during my seperation I got lonely and craved att. from any female I could find which is not the actions of a man that only wants his wife back. I was very weak.

Just keep making positive changes in your life and everything else will work out, just give it more time.

Keep showing her that you love her by flowers, text messages, Leave love letters on her car, etc. just DO NOT CROUD HER and DO NOT FORCE CONVERSATION ON HER.

I see your changing but we both still have alot of working on us to do.

Read my thread and use it as a guide of what not to do.

I,m 27 by the way.

Wateveritakes- Thank you, your right I do have the upper hand. Its just so much hurt knowing some guy has grabbed her attention and she went as far as even talking to him on the phone, last night I was def. in panic mode.Im stumped, she wont spend time with me or go out of her way to talk to me. I feel hopeless at this point.


Ill def. read through your thread, thanks man, and I hope you hang aroung my thread.

Just read your story, I wish u the best of luck but you have the upper hand when it comes to your situation.


We're seperated, we have no way of seeing each other, I dont see how we can get through this apart like we are and I dunno what to do. This guy is meeting her EN's and I dont have a chance to do that for her right now. Its like I just have to sit back and watch and see what happens? I feel I wont win like that.


Ive given her ALOT of space the past month, and it seems to have gotten me no where. I dunno, maybe she is done and there is really nothing I can do at this point? This is not my W though, my W doesnt act like she is right now. Shes not one to go out and do those things, she says she still the same person just not going to get ran over anymore but that just junk, shes not acting like herself. She doesnt show a whole lot of emotion.


Last night when i confronted her on the phone about hanging out with the OP some, she got very very angry. She still loves me she says, shes so torn she doesnt think she can get over it, but yet not doing anything to to help. I guess at this point its out of my control?


Anyway, enough of my babbling this morning im going to church.


Vets that have been on this thread for me, can you please help me? I feel like im on my last leg and losing her for good.

OMG


This day is getting worse


I find out the guys name is the same as mine!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


ahhh

She told me she has feeling for him and she wants to move on with him.

right now im worried.....Im feeling sucuidial.



Im really debating about doing something like this i need help

Okay, Zach...breathe.

Seriously.

Take those slow deep inhales, and slow exhales.

Why not bring reality instead of confrontation?

Calmly, even softly, explain how it was for you a few months ago...you were angry with BW...you started hanging out, like she's doing, with a person outside your marriage...you realize how that distracts, gives false feelings...even to the point of thinking of moving on with the new person...

Share how you know her pain, fear and anger can give lights to this OP that they really don't have...you know this walk. Because reality is that only BW shines for you...has the real light...and you know you will shine again for her.

You've studied and learned how this works...and you do not want her to bear the terrible weight of an adulterer, as you do. That's where she's stepping right now. You know she knows this...and your heart aches doubly for her.

Reasonable, calm, informative...not combative, manipulative or focused on your hurt.

You're man enough for this, Zach. You're a whole, complete, marvelously made human being...and so is your BW.

Breathe, workout, pray and speak.

You can do this.

LA

she said...


We're done... "Hes respectful to me"



He has the same name!!!!!!!!!!

Im losing my mind, I dunno what to do right now I cant control anything in my mind

Guy sent me a message....


Hey bro, listen...um i app. you messangin me and all, but frankly i dont really care to hear your side of this. I understand that theres 2 sides to the story, but dude, u ****** up, let it go, move on with ur life. Im not gettin in the middle of anything, yall arnt trying to clear things up, yall r not trying to get back together, so im only gonna say this once, let it go. I do understand the situation, and i do understand that yall "HAD" yalls problems, but thats the past, so i incourage you to move along, and sometimes if you dont treat your girl right another man will. You dont have anyone to blaim but yourself, ive been there, ive done that, and you have to come to the point in your life where if you love her, youve got to let her go, youve already hurt her too much. And once agian bro, im not in the middle of anything, ive given her her chance to go back to you, shes moved on, shes realized theres someone that will treat her better and for what shes worth. You've gt to learn how to appreciate what u have before u loose it.

So what do I do now? Im sooo hurt and Ive never felt this. I feel like id rather die. Seeing her with someone else and happy kills me, they live right near my work so I will have to see them all the time! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> my god please help me.


What do I do now? Do I move on and ignore her? Do I persue her? What do I do at this point? Does she really like him? Is it just cause hes nice to her and meeting her EN's? Im so lost and dont know what to do here. PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!

Zach,

Please hold on to yourself! I know it's so hard, it feels like the end of your world. I KNOW how badly it hurts. It feels like someone has put a knife in your heart and your guts and is just twisting and twisting.

Your heart rate is probably very high...please take some deep breaths. I know this is hard. Try to take 5. Count to ten as you inhale and then slowly exhale.

Count, so that maybe your mind isn't so focused on the hurt. I know how bad this is. I know it's not easy to do this but I want you to try, please!

And please DON'T commit suicide! Stop even thinking about it! I wasn't suicidal but the pain was so bad I didn't care if I died. The thing that kept me going was thinking about the rest of my family and how torn up they would be. So I finally got out of that mindset. I was even thinking it would serve Mr. Gray right if I DID die...but no one is worth your life...please! I know it's not something you want to hear but it's true!

Please hang in there, Zach!!!

((((((((((Zach))))))))))

Zach,

Please call the 24 hour suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-448-3000

They will talk with you and help you talk through your hurt and depresssion.

We'll stay here with you while you contact them.

Jo

And Zach,

If you really are feeling suicidal...PLEASE call the suicide hotline...I think there's Nat'l line in any phone book you can call for help.

Or even take yourself to the emergency room or something so they can help you there. Or call your local PD. Something...anything...just don't hurt yourself, PLEASE!!!!

Thank you, Jo!!

Here is another Suicide prevention number, just in case:

1-800-SUICIDE or
1-800-784-2433

Both should work for you.