You need to be more confident and stop initiating all contact. Play a little hard to get. Don't blow her off or anything and let her know you are still interested, but let her initiate the contact.

Yeah I did that for about 2 weeks. Checked up on here every 2-3 days or so, thats when I found out she was "talking" with the OM. I didnt talk to her for a period of 4 days. She didnt ever go out of her way to contact me or anything. It was like I fell off the earth and she didnt care.

Talked to her before going to the doctor this morning.

I decided not to take the Anti Dep. route, I can do this on my own, just having some rough times.

Also, they think I passed a Kidney stone lol.


I mentioned to her I want to do anything for us to be happily married. She didnt say anything (this is through text). She just said she didnt wanna talk about it today and for me to have a good day.

I said, ok but you never wanna talk about us.


She said, "I always did"


I told her ok, and have a great day.





Her sister is coming from SC tonight to eat with her family.

Her sister went through a rough rough marriage at first also, her husband was on coke and abused her. They are now better and happily married. My W's mother hasnt ever gotten alone with the sister, not sure the full history of that. But until our wedding they actually talked and had a good time together, im not sure what her sister thinks about this? She has 2 kids, one was very early and shes I think in her high 20's or early 30's. The first time I met her was at our wedding. I think she had her first child at 15-16 years old. A lot of rough history there.


But anyway, im done jabbering lol.

Zach, I am all for not using the meds. Yes, there will be rough times; BUT, if you are at all suicidal, that is a different story. Did you discuss the suicidal feelings with your dr?

Just a few days ago you were posting that you were seriously considering suicide. What has changed in YOU, in your thought patterns?

It hit me hard about her hanging out with someone else. It made me lose my mind literally. What changed my mind? God did. During that time I prayed to god, he helped me through that time. Now the past 2 days i havent taken anything and ive been pretty happy overall.


God changed my mind and lead me the right way.

Im bored out of my mind, I took a vacation day today.



I have a few questions thats bothering me right now....



In reality, how much hope is there?


Will she ever talk about it, she will not talk?


Should I keep asking her when she will?


Should I ask questions about this OP?



This is not my wife that ive known for 4 years. Those few questions are in my head at the moment and I know we cant probably answer these cause they are up to her, im just speaking my mind right now.

Well I was uptown getting some lunch, i look to the road on my left, and I see my W's car.

I stop beside it, shes sitting there on the phone. At first she just gave me a look. Well I asked... You want me to talk to you for a few mins?

She replied- Well im going back in 5 mins. (Which I knew was bs cause she had 15 mins till 12 when she had to be back)

I said- Well Can I sit with you for 5 mins then?

She said ok....


Well I Kneed down beside her window and she talked to her dad and then called her brother for most of the time. A family friend died she found out about, her grandmother fell and is in the Hospital now. And her job is making her very mad, she wants to quit and go to school she says.


I have NEVER saw my W like this before, she looks like shes losing her mind. She acts and looks totally different. Its like she goes day to day not knowing what to do now.

I sat there and when she got off the phone I told her she needs to do what makes her happy about her job and school and told her money isnt everything and happiness is more important. She agreed. I told her I have never saw her like that before and I was worried about her being so stressed out. She smoked 3 cigs. back to back to back. She was fixing to go so I gave her a hug, she gave me a crappy one arm hug. And I told her to look at me, and I told her I wanted to do everything possible to make us happily married, and she just replied "yeah".

I then asked if she wanted to say anything about it, she just said "I dont know" (What else is new?). I said ok and I kissed her on her forehead and let her go on her way.


I dont know how to take any of this, its like shes so blank and im actually worried about her, shes way to stressed and it worrys me. Her mom even said she could see it.

Well I feel like im talking to myself...


I called my W and I got her to open up and talk about us. Wow did she rip me a new one. She made sure to tell me everything bad I have ever done to her and how 4 years was a lie and everything else. The past two days ive been doing good, now im going back downhill feeling depressed. I really at this point dont see how possible my W can every forgive me of what ive done to her the past 4 years. Mental,physical, emotional abuse. So much ive done to her and im so sorry for. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


God please help me.... Anyone around tonight?



She was at work during this so she couldnt scream her head off at me, but she agreed to answer when she gets off of work and continue this talk. Im sure its not going to go well. I asked her if there was anything possible I could do to help this marriage, she told me I had done enough.

Hi Zach,

I'm sorry you are having a rough time.

What do you plan to discuss in your talk with your W?

Im going to call her in a minute. Plan? Not sure, just to get her to talk period is a +. She probably wont let me talk she will probably yell and tell me how bad of a person I am. All I can do is keep apologizing?

What is your motive?

My motive.

To see how she feels atleast, I have all of these questions and now this guy is in the middle and I wonder so much about him but I dont bring him up cause of the yelling that she will probably do and the hurt I dont wanna hear. I dont know what she wants to do? I dont know if she wants to ever think we could work? Everything is "I dont know" and proceeds in cussing and telling me how much ****** i put her through and I NEVER made her happy or anything. Im so hurt n lost now. I just want my old wife and life back

To see how she feels?

Why????

From the way it sounds, she is telling you that she either doesn't know or that she isn't willing to be forthcoming with you about how she feels and at other times she tells you that she wants to move on with her life.

Are you allowing her to be free to make that choice without employing controlling or manipulative tactics on your part?

I can tell you she doesnt know what she wants to do. Every answer from her is I dont know. Ive just had a rough day cause ive been off of work and ive sat here all day thinking so much, plus weekends are always hard on me.

Yes im doing everything I can not to be manipulative. Im not putting anything in her head or doings thing that would manipulate her. I just want to talk about us, and she wont and when she does its ripping my head off for 30 mins. Nothing ever comes out of us talking, its bitching me out and telling me how bad of a person I was for 4 years and everything she has done for me.


I deserve it but I dont know what to do anymore. Shes acting just like she has since day one. And the people she hangs around with are a horrible influence

Then why not respect her choice to not talk?

Pushing her to do something she doesn't want to do IS MANIPULATING her. Aside from being disrespectful and controlling, it sends her the message that you don't care at all what SHE wants...that you care about what you can get from her and what YOU want.



That is her choice to make and it is completely beyond your control.

Well I called her, she answered. But her brother was calling and she had a few other phone calls to make. So she let me go, she told me she would call me back later, I guess we will see, im sure she wont.


Dunno im just confused at what she really wants. So many mixed signals.

I'm not seeing mixed signals here.

Unless I've missed some facts, she has never told you that she is interested in reconciling. She seems to either directly tell you she isn't willing to consider reconciliation or indirectly tell you by saying she doesn't know or not returning your phone calls.

You said that you are confused about what she really wants. Are you listening for an honest answer from her or are you tuned in to hearing what you would LIKE to hear and refusing to listen to anything that contradicts your wishes?

I just want my old wife and life back

Hopefully that will NOT happen since you have admitted to abusing her emotionally, physically, and mentally throughout the marriage.

Why would she want to return to that???

You sure aren't doing anything to show her that you won't treat her like that again.

Here's an idea....LEAVE HER ALONE.

IF you have really changed it will be evident in your behavior. So far, it isn't evident.

AGAIN...LEAVE HER ALONE.

committed

That last post made me look back and think for a minute. Your right she hasnt said she wanted to reconcile. Has she shown signs of it? Possibly sometimes, most of the time no. Like I said her answers are " I dont know". I still have the comment in my head that she said before, "If I were to call you up on the day we were divorcing and decided I wanted this to work, would you be truthful to who you had been with ect.?".


Its soo hard, but I guess I do have to let go and accept she may fall in love with this other guy or someone else. Its rough. Only person ive been with since High School. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Its soo hard, but I guess I do have to let go and accept she may fall in love with this other guy or someone else. Its rough. Only person ive been with since High School.

No she isn't.

You cheated on her three times while dating and you have had one affair since marrying this year.

What do you mean by only being with her?

Man...you have got to get your head on straight about YOUR contributions to the demise of this relationship.

You CANNOT fix what you will not acknowledge.

You are so consumed with what she is doing that you are conveniently forgetting your stuff.

committed