<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

WHY are replying to her??? STOP IT!

committed

Ive stopped now. Shes still texting though, im not replying.


I didnt know she was going to attack me till after I answered.

It is still all about the drama.


What is your plan TODAY to better YOU?

She is out of the equation.

committed

Im not letting it get to me first of all, she can go do whatever she wants I cant control that.


Her sister just called me, we talked for 42mins. She is not very happy with my W at the moment for her decisions and what shes is doing. She can see my W's different attitude and her life going downhill with these people. If there is anyone my W would listen to it would be her. Im going to meet her for lunch here shortly and talk, and I think shes going to get my W to join us later. Her sister realizes mistaken are made sometimes and my W going off with OM and doing the things she has done and shut her off with her family, her sister is going to snap her back into reality.




I was just letting yall in on the sister convo since some of u wanted to know.



Today im going to smile, and be happy and continue being the good Zach I need to be. She is out of my control. She can run off to this rebound guy, whatever. Getting better everyday.

Im going to meet her for lunch here shortly and talk, and I think shes going to get my W to join us later. Her sister realizes mistaken are made sometimes and my W going off with OM and doing the things she has done and shut her off with her family, her sister is going to snap her back into reality.

You are still concentrating on what your W is doing now.

Does her sister know that you have emotionally, mentally, and physically abused your W?

I can imagine that she wouldn't be very happy with you right now.

This doesn't feel right to me. I do not think that her sister would be so gung ho to get you two back together if he knew the TRUTH of your life together.

YOU need to tell her sister that you do NOT want to talk about what your W is doing. YOU need to start taking ownership of your bad behavior by telling her family what you have done to her.

If you do that, it will appear to me, that you do not plan on treating her like that anymore....if she decides to return to the marriage.

Are you planning on that?

committed

Oh no, dont worry she knows everything physical abuse and all. She knows about it we talked about it. And we will discuss this more during lunch. She is not happy with me but she is concerned for her little sister on what she is doing right now. If you saw my W 4 years ago and saw her now you would understand why shes so concerned.Im planning on talking to her about ME and what I can do to be a better person, im not focusing on what my W is doing ect. thats her business and I cant control that.


IF she returned to the marriage yes I would. I would continue to still be a better person and work on myself. Im going to do that regaurdless if we get back together or not. But she has feelings for another person at the moment cause he "opens the door" lol. I can see through his acts, ****** his myspace has pornstars all over it, very respectful.


Sorry got carried away there. Back to MYSELF doing what I can control.

Well spent the day with the sister, we talked everything over for about 3-4 hours. Told her how I felt and she really see's im changing and im sorry. Im going to have to say this is probably the worst day of my life.


OM gave my W on christmas or Bday a bracelet that shes wearing that says "My Angel" on it. This hurts, W says its completely over no possibility to reconcile. She does not love me anymore, shes in love with this guy. She says im just putting on a front and I havent changed and Ive done to much hurt for her every to come back.

Guess tomorrow is day one for a new beginning.



This hurts, worst day of my life. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Saw this quote in a friends profile


"if there's just one piece of advice i can give you, it's this - when there's something you really want, fight for it, don't give up no matter how hopeless it seems. and when you've lost hope, ask yourself if 10 years from now, you're gonna wish you gave it just one more shot. because the best things in life, they don't come free"

Well, they all say they love the OP and are gone for good. But most come back. Make your life a good one, and one day she will probably join you.

Yes your right, that keeps me going, thank you for the encouragement. Im taking this a lot better than I thought, I havent cried or flipped out like usual. I tried to prepare myself mentally for this day. The bracelet hurt hard "My Angel" that I cant get out of my head no matter how hard I try.


But I look at it like this, right now my W isnt really happy, everyone see's that and everyone doesnt see this working out between them. But why would she come back to me if they dont? I mean I abused her physicall and mentally, she sees nothing good in me at all. Why would she come back to me if she broke it off with him in the future.


This is hard but I cant control her. I have to deal with myself.

Zach, you physically abused your wife? Did you pushed her or did you hit her?

Gee, SS, read the thread. Yeah.

SB

Way before we were married I smacked her, not hard but I did apologize right after. In our marriage I had a bad temper and I broke things and yelled and pushed her.


As long as this guy is putting on his act and being nice to her she wont leave him. Thats what she needs, something I havent done in a long time.

So now im the WH and the BH at the same time. Yes legally she has every right to go do what shes doing right now and she knows that, is that right? NO not in my mind, not in gods eyes. She thinks differently.

At the point should I just do a plan B? Shes not going to contact me I know that for a fact. Shes falling head over heels for this guy. I guess I should just not talk to her period and go on with my life? This is what ive decided, is this the right thing to do? Do I want her back? Yes, I love her, and yes I would forgive her.

Now I know she really likes this dude I dont know what to do really as far as my plan. I need some of your Vets to help me out here.


I know none of you can really answer this but how long do rebound people go on usually. Most come back...I hope so, right now she see's nothing good in me. What Im seeing right now in her, is the exact person I was 4 months ago. I was in her shoes, I know how she feels right now. I dont know how to break them up but I guess I have no control over that.This dude is an act and acts nice to get her in bed, I can see through him just like her sister does.


I guess my plan right now is, go on with my life, do what I have to do for ME not HER. Be the good person im starting to become. Its tough watching someone else make her so happy cause ive screwed up. I was her first and only.

Zach, I've been reading your thread. I hesitated to reply, since I didn't want it to appear that I was being condescending, or talking down to you. Just so you know, that is not my intention at all. You're the age of one of my children.

You're very young. Like many young people, you've made mistakes....serious ones. But we learn the most in life from our mistakes rather than our successes. You've been unfaithful, you've been abusive. And now you've learned that this behavior has unpleasant consequences.

Many people your age would not have been married while making these mistakes, they would have simply been in relationships and ended them due to incompatibility. But you are married.

I ended a relationship when I was your age; we were engaged. He was large; I was small. He picked me up in the chair I was sitting in and started shaking it. I felt like a popcorn kernel, bouncing around. I said to myself: "In five years, Penalty Kill, he'll be punching you in the face". I have heard that voice of clarity only a few times since then. That was the first. I have learned to listen to it.

So, I got out....by telling him that I wanted to see other people. Took me a while to actually start seeing anyone else, because I was still hung up on him, but it felt like a good out at the time. Now I see that it was cowardly, and I should have told him that we were incompatible.

Perhaps your wife felt the same way - that she had to get out. Did she do things honorably? No, she left you for another man. So she made a mistake too. At this point, there's no percentage in wondering who made more mistakes.

You need to let her go, to work on yourself, and to see what happens. I suspect that you both have some maturing to do, which is only natural.

I recommend strongly that you find an interest other than your wife, lest she become an obsession, which is unhealthy at any point in life. A good interest at your age, which will keep you occupied and focused in a positive direction, is education.

Take care.

PK

Thank you for that reply, please continue posting through this.

At the time I wasnt really realizing the hurt I was putting her through mentally. Ive turned my life around now and I wish I could get another chance, she doesnt think ive changed, she says its all a lie. I guess I cant blame her for thinking that. Im letting her go, I dont have a choice, no more contact I guess. Maybe god will listen to my prayers and bring her back. Maybe not, I dont see her relationship with this guy lasting forever though. Rebounds never work...But what do I know?

Hes meeting her EN's and being very kind to her opening doors ect. Its an act, im not stupid. Shes not the same anymore, everyone see's that. Her sister told me the other night when they went to eat, my W got up and went to the bathroom and threw up. Shes not the same and she cant possibly say shes happy.

Well as im typing this at work my AOL instant messenger message pops up....

AOL System Msg: Your screen name (Z a C h B 01) has signed in from another location. This screen name is currently signed in at 3 locations. To sign off the other location(s), reply to this message with the number 1. Click here for more information.



I have my name on my laptop at home, at work....And whats the 3rd location? My guess is her getting on my name again? Shes the only one that knows my PW. WHY?????????!!!

Zach, you physically abused your wife? Did you pushed her or did you hit her?

HELLLLLO!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

What kind of question is that?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

What does the "type" of abuse have to do with anything.

Abuse is abuse is abuse...

Well...maybe we should ask if it was open-handed or close-fist... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


Sheeesh..

Zach has abused her physically, emotionally, and mentally. She is NOT safe with him and he doesn't get to decide who is.

Abuse is all about control. He is still trying to control her.

She has removed herself from it.

He has cheated on her multiple times. He cheated (while dating) with 3 people...and had an affair with another mere months into the marriage.

DON'T YOU DARE GIVE HIM AMMUNITION WITH THIS CRAP ABOUT [color:"red"] PUSH OR HIT HER [/color] ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Makes me think that you might be male and done a little hitting or shoving yourself...well????

committed (and livid)

PK that's great advice. The reason I don't write much here is I couldn't have said something like that near as well.

Committed
Agree totally. What abuse is irrelevant.
Abuse is abuse is abuse!!

It was once time with a small open hand smack, I didnt even put a red mark on her, no it was not right, yes I apologized and felt horrible. At times we had all out brawls and pushed her like twice. Yes ive seeked help for my anger and Ive dealt with it a lot better now, still working on it. I couldnt believe when I look back I done those things to her, I noticed the bad yelling and all out fights we had was because of me.


In high school i was a big time athlete, big time football guy, slim but had great build. A lot of women were attracted to me and I made bad choices to give in. Well I had several scholorships to 1A schools, I had scholorship to Applichain State, which just won their 3rd championship in a row. But I chose my W over all of that, I didnt wanna leave her so I worked as soon as I got out of school, granted I have a great paying job now and dont see myself leaving it.

Well I stopped working out some and lost a lot of muscle I had, and I was considering playing Arena football, so I started to lift weights again, well I started loving it and I was introduced to steroids. I tried them out and wow what a difference in a week I saw in me, I didnt realize my attitude was changing though and I kept this from my W. I took them for about a month or so. Got huge I wouldnt say I was addicted to them cause I used them off and on at times. But what I didnt really see at first was my attitude changing. Thats when I became very angry when we got heated and did the wrong things I done. I let them take me over during anger.

It also screwed with my hormones and thats when I started not touching my W or anything, we're newlyweds you would think we would be all over eachother. I stopped touching her and she began to think I was with other Women then and snooped around and always was insecure of me. Which I dont blame her due to my past but she started pushing me away by doing that. It drove me crazy to the point where I didnt wanna be around her and we had so much anger towards eachother till it built up and we went off on eachother.

Im a person that doesnt wanna talk about the situation right then and shes someone who does at that moment and I she would make me talk and I wouldnt want to, I wanted to cool down before we talked, so it would just be a big blowup.

Just giving some insight on our history and where this anger became. My father always mentally and sometimes physically abused me, he was always angry and never said anything positive to me. He has just now recently showed he cares after I called him out on it one day which lead to a big argument. He even admitted hes always been tough on me.