Well been doing very good the past few days I can say. No contact still from the W, BUT......




I was uptown a few mins ago to grab some lunch at Burger King by myself. I pull in and I look to my right....My W is pulling into the drive thru. I get out and am walking to go inside and shes staring at me eyes big as basketballs. Well I order my food inside and sit down at a booth beside the window. She gets her food in the drive thru and as shes driving by the window waves at me, I smiled at her. I look to my right a min later and shes walking inside to the bathroom. She gets out of the bathroom and walked over to my booth and sat down in front of me. She ask if she could sit down and I said sure. She asked how I have been ect,and I didnt say a whole lot but said....Im doing good, how about you.


My wife cant hide when shes very nervous, her neck breaks out very very red, and it was, and her heart was beating so hard her necklace was moving. Well she talked for a second asking how I was and my parents and if they were mad ect. She said something about us, and I said.."Well it can get better" she said... "I know but im not quiet ready yet". I said, I understand but you wont know till you try....She agreed. I told you it wasnt going to be quick and easy. She then said... "well I wanted to stop in and see how you were doing and show you I can talk to you without getting mad and being civil" I told her..." I know you can"


Then she got up and said, Well I guess ill see you around or something. I replied..."Well you can sit and have lunch".

She then got her lunch out of her car and came back and I patted the seat to get her to sit beside me, she sat down beside me. She was wearing that bracelet the OM gave her that says my angel, I think she saw me look at it and could tell it bothered me a little. She asked what was wrong....I Answered..."I wish you would have taken that bracelet off before coming in here"


She got up and sat back in front of me and looked me in the eyes very seriously....She said...


"Look, hes nice and cool to hang out with, but we're friends, that doesnt mean imma end up with him or that doesnt mean imma end up with you, I dont know whats going to happen with the future."


I shook my head and agreed and said I know.

She did smile ALOT and everytime she would look at me for a few seconds she would smile real big or laugh. It was great, she admitted she was very nervous and she was even nervous to eat in front of me. It was like almost we were on our first date together.


Like I said she said she came in to show me she can have a civil conversation if she see's me out. And I laughed and joked....."No you came in here to tell me you still loved me"

She laughed pretty hard and played it off and said "noooo"

I said "ok you came in to tell me you love me still but just not directly", she smiled big and shook her head like saying yes. When we were leaving she said she was fixing to start working out and eating right...I told her she ought to come work out with me since ive started again. She even answered with "We'll have to see". That surprised me.

We walked outside, I wasnt gonna give her a hug or anything i was playing hard to get instead of pushing her. Her neck then got really red again and I pointed it out to her and sh laughed. She said.. "Well it was good to see you" I agreed and said you too. She then reached out and gave me a hug, and I joked... "Thanks for coming to tell me you still cared for me", She laughed again. I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and she smiled from ear to ear. And I said it out of nowhere without thinking...."I love you" and I smiled real big as I was walking away. Her eyes were huge and she smiled very big.

As I was walking away, I wasnt going to look back, she was staring at me and yelled.... "Thanks for the drink!"

I replied..."Thanks for lunch"


As I was pulling off I stopped by her car and honked my horn, she stuck her head out of her window ......

I said "You look very good"...She smiled and said thanks!






So I dont think that lunch could have gotten any better really. Just giving you guys this miracle that happened today. It sure did give me lots of hope that theres still a very good chance this can happen if I keep doing what im doing. I feel a ton of deposits got put into the empty love bank.






<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Hope all is doing well after not posting for a couple of days.!

Good Morning

zach, I think that was a great example of doing things the right way. You kept putting in your points about wanting to work on the relationship, but in a respectful way, honoring her wishes. Great job!

Thank you, I dont see how that unexpected lunch could have went any better, she was really intrested on who I was talking to and hanging out with.

I dropped the bracelet subject quick cause it wouldnt help anything with us.

One thing Im happy about is, she said... "Im not ready YET"

She never said she didnt want to. Yet, gives me some hope <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Continuing to be the good Zach.

Good job Zach. And you recognized this:


You're learning. Stay patient and focused and away from other women, except in a group setting.

PK

Thanks, Yeah Ive been doing my own thing basically. Ive been working out when I get home and by that time its time for me me to head to bed, so it works out.

Looks like my thread is dying.....


Nothing New lol


Hope all of you that has helped me is doing well. Again thank you!

Ok I lied.....


I have good new and horrible news...


My cousin found his dad dead yesterday morning, he killed himself so thats bad news. Wife called me just a few ago and asked if I was ok and why didnt I call her to talk. I told her well, I didnt wanna bother you. She said I wouldnt be bothering her and all. I said well I figured I would, and she said trust me it would do more good than bad, I was confused and was like ok?
She asked if she could tell me something, I said sure...

Well the OM has moved back out of town and his ex that he was in a long relationship with called my W this morning and told my W the OM was moving back in with his ex. Well good news huh? Well sorta, I asked my W if she had done anything with him, she said she didnt wanna answer that ?. I said ok, well did u stay with him on new years night? She said yes, I told her, well that answers my question then.

She is torn right now and I told her I understood. I told her I can forgive her because I love her and I still want to work on this marriage. She still isnt very sure if shes ready she said. She will have a lot of thinking to do, shes really hurt by this guy, but she said I didnt have to tell her I told her so. She has many mixed emotions right now just as I do, ive prepared myself so much for this day to find out they slept together, so I can say im doing ok and I can smile cause now I feel life is turning into the road of recovery for us. She cried a lot on the phone I told her even though she did that I still love her and I put us in this situation to began with.




I have many mixed feelings right now, but I can say I love her and I still want to do this, it will be tough and a long journey but im up for the challenge.


I asked if she wanted to get together tonight and talk, she said ok.


Please help me out here.

Zach,

You are going to make it! Good job!

When you see her tonight, try very hard to mirror what she tells you. Repeat back to her every thing she tells you so she begins to see that you truly hear her and genuinly want to understand her feelings. Remember, even if she is mixed up emotionally, her feelings matter, this is how she feels. Some of what she will say might hurt but this is where you will draw from your inner strength that you have been working on. As she begins to see your strength in this situation she will find this attractive and it will be making deposits in her LB big time.

You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!

SH

Thank you Still Hurts. Ive prepared my mind so hard for this day to find out she slept with the OM. I can get through this, I think shes realizing how much I do love her. She always had told me if she went off and slept with someone else I would leave her in a heartbeat. I guess I prove her wrong. I love her and I can forgive, I put this in this situation to began with. God does things like this to change us and to help us and this I can say is a true blessing. I learned more in 5 months than I have in 20 years. Maybe we will see if the road to real recovery for both of us can began now. Shes still very cautious.

Zach, you are both young and you got married at a time when most people your age were still trying relationships on for size. If one doesn't fit, it can be discarded, no problem.

Not that easy when you're married.

You both made mistakes. BOTH. So don't get hung up on what she did. That would be another mistake.

I think that you both can recover from this, but it will take time. Use that time wisely. Do things together and do not dwell on the past. Continue to work on improving yourself in all areas. Work on your patience.

But! That doesn't mean that the past should be swept under the rug. You must learn from your mistakes. You learned that being a poor husband will get you a wife who leaves you. Your wife will learn (hopefully) that you don't solve your problems with your husband by running to another man.

Take it one day at a time.

PK

Zach,
God didn't do this but He does allow things like this to happen. Jesus said the enemy comes to steal kill and distroy, but I come that you might have life and have it abundantly.

I too am a betrayed spouse and I know the feeling of pain. Why do you think I chose "Stillhurts" when I signed up here? The good news is, that pain will go away over time and there are many ways you can speed the process.

The hardest one for me was forgiveness. I finally realised though that instead of beating myself up in termoil I had to make a choice. I realised that forgivness is a choice so I made up my mind that I WILL forgive my wife. I also realised that it wasn't a one time thing either. The bible talks about forgiveness, how many times must I forgive? Jesus said 70 times 7. In other words, alot.

Every time I started to hurt because of what my wife did, I had to remind myself that I FORGAVE HER! Then move forward not backwards. In time it became easier and easier untill the pain completely vanished.

You are Blessed,
SH

I agree, thanks PK


She got online, I guess to talk to me?



sweetlilthang981: hey
Z a C h B 01: hi
sweetlilthang981: did u see natalies myspace the pic of m n her


The pic is of her and her sister at the wedding....


Z a C h B 01: I commented on it

sweetlilthang981: really ? well idk just wish that day was true to u as it was me i guess

sweetlilthang981: how will i trust u

sweetlilthang981: zach i need to find myself n go from there n listen to my heart





I will not dwell on the past but look into the future. I didnt know I would take this so lightly, I figured this day would put me back into the ground and to square one. I guess I really am recovering! Its up to her to decide at this point, I dont know what she will do. She obviously cares but is torn about this OM. Who knows, maybe she will meet someone else. Im here for her and whatever happens, happens. Im not going to do anything differently.

Thank you


I can say right now I do forgive my W and ive known about her sleeping with him for what? 2 hours? Like I said I prepared myself for this for a while and I take responsibility for this and its ok, I know this bump in the road will make us stronger. I do forgive my W and ill never hold it against me like she has me in the past. I can and will get through this with or without my W. I hope she makes the decision to be with me, I cant control that though.

Zach, I do believe you are learning. You're not all up in arms about your wife's inane "follow her heart" and "find myself" comments. Go you!

It's always best to follow your head, actually. And if you want to find yourself, go look in the mirror. There you are! Since you can't control others, keep acting in a mature, responsible manner. Stay away from other women, except in a group setting(I keep adding that because you are young. My children are 19 and 16) That is Plan A - a better, more attractive Zach.

Regarding looking to the future, it is even better to live the right kind of life - today. Since you are a churchgoer, I will leave you with this thought:

"Sufficient unto the day is the evil therof".

PK

Your Just awesome! Im not letting her comments really get to me at this point, shes confused and I understand. She will get better over time, I know it. She said she wants to move if we work this out, I dont have a problem with that I told her. Imma keep staying back, not persuing and continue to do what I have been doing.

Zach,
I'm glad that you aren't up in arms about her sleeping with the OM, as you really don't have the moral high ground there. If she is willing to forgive you, you don't have anything to forgive her for, only things to thank her for. I think you have responded pretty well to her in the last few days.

If she asks you again how she will trust you, I would say something like:

"I realize it is hard for you to trust me, since my behavior before and during our marriage has not been trustworthy. I want more than anything to have another chance to prove to you that I can be the man you thought you were marrying. I can assure you with words of my dedication to you, but I can only prove it through my actions. But giving me that chance is entirely your decision, and I will do anything you need or want to help you feel comfortable with me again. I love you with all my heart."

Something along those lines. Good luck tonight. And again, don't dwell on whether or not she slept with this guy! In thought or in conversation!

Thank you Andrew. I agree, I put us in this mess I should be thanking her even after she did that.


sweetlilthang981: idk though i cant run back to u just cause i dont have the other guy u know n im not doin that i just dont know anything.


She made that comment. I told her I wanted her to come back cause she wanted to not cause she dont have him.


But anyway im off to lunch. Ill be back in 1 hour.

Well just got back from lunch. W called me while I was leaving, and told me she did wanna see me tonight and she decided to go see a moive with me tonight... P.S I love you.

My friend told me that movie will open your eyes up and it makes you think so much about the person you love, so I cant wait!! Its gonna be funny when my manly self sheds some tears during the moive esp since this has happened.


I was getting off the phone, I said, Ok Ill talk to u later. She said, Ok....We sat there....She said... "I love you"...Omg my heart about dropped. I said it back. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

The prayer of a righteous man avails much! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />