I know the feeling... lol!!

FCF, so what now, wait for the "swift axe" that comes down when you sign-on and password is no longer valid??

And then find out that when you try to re-register, your email address has already been used??

Yikes, flashback its the 1930's all over again!!!

Censorship is alive and well in the 21st century!!!!

Aaaaaaaauuuuuuuggggggghhhhhhh!!!!

I doubt you'll get the axe. I think it takes a lot to get booted completely from here.

In case I don't get the chance to say good-bye,

good bye

Just kiddin'.

You had no idea what you were doing and naively stuck your head out there and stirred up some pent up hostilities.

It's ok.

I suggest starting a thread seeking advice for your situation and stick to it for a few days.

Things will calm down.

You are NOT getting banned. I guarantee it.

Mr. Wondering

OK found out the truth and sorry ,but cannot stay on board, this is plain and simple "censorship" when someone is allowed to manipulate not only idividual post but also complete threads.

Dont have time for that stuff. Please look for me in another forum that is not so biased.

Please note the follwing proof:

"Yes, I removed that thread as it was serving no useful purpose and continued to go downhill.?"

"Incidently, complaints or questions about the forum or MB TOS can be directed to me, any mod or Admin rather than discussing or complaining on the forum."

Enough said.

Bye!


********************* JustUss*************

Posting personal email correspondence on a forum is extremely unethical!

Enough said

BYE
*******************************************

Okay, I am back and going to give this another try. I have actually been lurking for the past few days and I just need some insight.

I have seen the MC by myself on a few occasions, she has really been helping me. I truly believe that my H is sorry for what he did with my SIL. He has been so kind and wonderful and says he now realizes what he had. So, I am okay. I REALLY WANT to move on....it's not like they slept together, they just had a "moment" if you want to call it that. He touched her, that's the part I have trouble with. The fact that he touched her in a sexual manner and in an intimate way.

How do I just forget and pretend that everything is normal as he does? I am really trying. I don't want to bring it up everyday, but I can't just pretend that it never happened either.

Is the fact that they didn't have sex and both realized they were making a huge mistake mean that I am making a bigger deal of this than what it is? WHAT DO I DO???

You shouldn't ever pretend it is okay. If you want this to work out with your H then you need to face things head on.

First off...are you prepared to not have any contact with this SIL? If not, recovery won't happen. Also, and I am sorry if this has been discussed in your thread previously...has this contact been exposed to your SIL's husband? If not, it needs to be as he has a right to know.

They may not have had intercourse...but he did touch her sexually.

Yes, my brother knows and he is just all hunky dory with everything and figures "it's just a guy thing" and it was a mistake. They were both "not in their right mind" when it happened.

it's not just a guy thing to touch your SIL or any other persons wife. It is called infidelity....and it needs to be dealt with as such.

I am very sorry for your situation...it must be so hard to contemplate NC when it involves family. I would sooner give up the WS (if no kids were involved) than to give up contact with my family.

No, you're not making a bigger deal of it than it is.

If they had "only" kissed, it would still be considered an A.

Have you considered calling Dr.Harley? Not his radio show, but his office to set up a MC counseling session w/ him.

He will speak to you and your H by phone.

~ Marsh

Yes....I hear you. I really haven't had much contact with my SIL, nor do I really want to. She and I have always had a kind of rocky relationship. She complains about my brother all the time to my sister and I and it's quite annoying and she "acts out" because he doesn't give her enough attention, blah blah blah.

I have three children, boys, ages 3, 5 and 9. I LOVE my H, I truly believe that he loves me. He made a terrible mistake. I want to move on, he, of course, wants to move on also. He says the whole thing meant NOTHING to him, it meant as much as "washing his hair everyday". He doesn't know nor does he understand why it happened.

I am SOOO confused, I haven't brought it up in awhile and I don't want to cause I don't want him to think that's all we talk about and my MC said that in order to move on I have to start by not bringing up all the time. My problem is, I feel like I have no answers. I don't understand how he could do this? This is not a woman that he was even attracted to. She's cute, but he doesn't respect her as a person. This whole thing is just so mind numbing.

SadWife:

Glad to see you back.

You say:

You both have work to do. Otherwise, what is to stop the next episode of "temporary insanity" and will it involve more? You say they didn't have sex, so I'm assuming intercourse would be worse for you than what they did. I'm still not convinced that you have the whole story -- brace yourself for potentially more bad news as you both work through this.

Your brother says it was just a guy thing. If I'm not mistaken, your husband will still be a guy in the future...what is to stop the next "guy thing" from happening? Much work to do...

Todd

Your counselor doesn't know what he/she is talking about. You are right to want answers.

Have you read any of the articles on this site? Ordered any books by Dr. Harley?

~ Marsh

I would call the Harley's to help you sort out your confusion. Are you prepared for their to be NC...that will mean a lot in a family. NC for life is a BIG deal.

And if it meant "nothing to him" why was he willing to risk his entire family for NOTHING?

If this is the criteria, then what will happen if your husband has an encounter with a cute woman that he respects who may decide to come on to him?

Not good enough. You must go deeper...

I'm so glad you came back!

I think the issue here is why he thought even for a moment that it was okay to act out sexually with your sister. Forget the excuses, cause that's just what they are. He overstepped the boundary of his marriage. It meant NOTHING to him? What does that say about his respect for you as his wife.

You should call in and talk to one of the Harleys. It may have meant nothing to your husband, but it apparently had a MAJOR effect on you.

Todd....

I agree with you, which is why I am back. I want answers that I know I don't have. I don't know how to go about getting those answers.

My H and I have seriously talked this thing to death. I keep hearing the same scenerio, he doesn't know why, it just happened, there was flirting and then boom, one thing led to another and his hand is down her pants....ahhh...I hate even saying that!!!!

I know we have a lot of work to do. I feel like I am the only one working. I mean sure, he's been wonderful, telling me he loves me all the time and being thoughtful and sweet and just very genuine. I have been the one going to the MC and I read the His Needs/Her Needs book - gave it to him to read and he hasn't picked it up yet. Mind you this has only happened two weeks ago, so it's not like months have passed or anything. I have tried to understand his need for SF and been VERY giving in that department, I so want to make this work.

May I suggest some possible reasons why he did it?

1. Because he could...
2. Because he did not respect her
3. Because she was cute
4. Because the opportunity presented itself (well, it didn't really present itself, truth be told)
5. Because he was curious
6. Because that lap dancing the night before had him dreaming "what if" all night
7. etc...

You must dig deeper and not just drop this or try to forget about it. If you do the latter, you may find yourself back her in the future with even greater issues.

Todd

In my experience, when something doesn't make sense, its usually because critical information is missing.

Could you be having such a hard time with this because it really doesn't make sense?

Don't kid yourself. Touching your SIL in a sexual way while going in to offer her coffee isn't something that "just happens". Its not a "guy thing". No one thinks its the equivalent of "just washing thier hair".

Your H for some reason risked an aweful lot. Its reasonable for you to wonder how and why it happened.

I hear you reporting alot of things that remind me of my W when she was a WW. "It just happened", "it meant nothing", "I'm not attracted to him" "can't we just move on?".

You've got a problem on your hands, and you are denying it using his excuses, but your mind keeps coming back to "this doesn't make sense." Nope, it doesn't. You need to find the missing piece of the puzzle. When you do, it will all fall into place.

Okay, so how do I do that?

I keep asking the same questions and keep getting the same answers. I tell him i want complete honesty - he says he is being completely honest....what do i do?