Hi, glad this place is here.
I have been married for about 7 months, my wife and I have known each other for over a year now.
About four months ago I suspected that she was doing cheating, all of a sudden there was powder on the bed, I questioned this and she said that its something that she has always done, I didnt beleive her so i planted a web acam and microphone in my bedroom.

She noticed the webcam, but did not say anything to me.
Looked like the OM would come by on Fridays, he would run pass the camera, they would make love in the computer chairs, he would leave and she would shower, he would come in about 15 minutes after I left for work.

In another incident, he ran past the camera and into the window blinds, she was still walking towards towards him, he whispered that he missed her, she said that she missed him too, they would kiss, she would lift the computer mouse to mimick like she was doing something, but not really, they where kissing , he ejaculated, I heard him do it, she said to him you came, he pulled out, she got up to block the camera and his shadow crept past her, the light behind her dress reflected his movement, then he turns the shower on while she is in th ebedroom, she starts to snap her fingers to block the sound of the shower head being adjusted.

on another occasion, in my bedroom, she called him to tell him that I was listening and that he could not come over, because of that, she told him he had a nice long d%$##$k.
My wife talking this way to another man, later he comes over anyway and he comes in through the window, they have sex, she tells him she is so hot for him, they finish, he leaves out the window.

Now I confronted her with with this and she denies it, she flat out says to me if I dont see anyone , theer isnt anybody there to find, that she is not having an affair, I want to beleive her, we are going to counciling, but I dont trust this woman,I dont, I want to but I dont and Im hurting, I feeel like I m sinking everyday, my heart is always in my thraot and I cant sleep at night, and I dont know where else to turn or what else to do....

Please someone, experiences, hope, direction, I dont want to fallinto teh haze that we are going to be OK and she is still doing what she does.....

thx

On the assumption that this story is legit and not some penthouse letter wannabe...

You've been "married" for 7 months and have no kids?

Cut your losses. There's no marriage 2 save.

-ol' 2long

huh???
Here I am posting about what is happening to me from the woman I love and its being construed as some sort of fantasy tirate WTF...
Dude, your too detached...

Im going through soem real crap here, I moved to this town from another location, no family, no idea how toget around,
I trusted this woman and she betrayed me... and denies it to the hilt... but wants to act like the most loving wife in the world, like she used to do, make love to me in themorning and then invite someone else into the house when I was gone, she says that she wants to make it work, save the marriage, she tells me this and I want to beleive her,

I really, really do... is that wrong ?
So before you go judging my stuff as some internet porn hype, take a look at your stuff first and look through eyes of empathy instead of them being closed...
Again, I'm open to real suggestions, experiences, directions ......

I'm very sorry you are going through this.

Are you saying you have only known your wife for a year and have been married for 7 months? Do you have any kids with her?

I understand you care about your wife but I would seriously be rethinking this if I were you. Personally, I would get out now before you invest any more time with her.

If what you say is true about this man coming INTO YOUR HOME and making it with your wife, well then, your wife doesn't sound like someone worth the effort it would take for recovery. It's almost as if she's rubbing it in your face. That is called "emotional abuse".

Can you hide a second web cam that she might not see and leave the other one where it's at? I think you have pretty good proof already but you could use some more so that your wife can no longer deny the affair.

Get the proof and confront your wife. Tell her there has to be no contact for life with her OM for your marriage to work. She also SERIOUSLY needs individual counseling and you both need marriage counseling. Only then should you even consider reconciling with your wife. She is a piece of work.

My husband was no prize but at least he didn't rub it in my face.

Why do you want to stay married to a woman who can bring another man INTO YOUR BED? She doesn't even have the decency to go somewhere else and do her ******. Geez. What a loser. Sorry.

Your right, we are going through counciling both together and seperate, but I dont trust her, I already confronted her with teh evidence that I have but she tells me I dont have 100% proof, I dont have a body on tape and she keeps refuting everything I show her,she has a teenage daughter and she cheated on her boyfirend with his best friend, who she is now seeing regularly.

She had a miscarriage recently, I came home on break last week to try and catch her but I was too emotionaly charged to take advantage of the situation, he was here hiding, but I was out of it and went back to work, later that night she smelled of sex, I questioned her but was met with denies of course.

We have no children together and I have only known her for a year and gave my heart to her, she is my second wife after being married for over 20 years, stayed single and to myself for three years and we met over the phone, talked everyday and night, she would love me in the morning, make me breakfast and send me off to work.

And he would show up, so I dont kno wwhat to do, I need to save money to move, which is what Im trying to do, I dont want to make waves as she can do me damage and have me thrown out the house if I push the issue, which is what heppaned earlier when I was trying toget thetruth, she threatened me with expulsion, so Im in a hard place right now, gotta swollow my pride, when I kiss her, I think about him kissing her, it hurts to come here everyday, and Im stressed beyond beleif, so this is soothing for me to vent.

Thx

Your post is full of graphic detail that doesn't seem necessary 2 make your point, hence my questioning it's legitimacy.

As for detachment, do you think I should instead be attached 2 your sitch? Do you think that would help in any way, really?


No, it's not wrong, but it is probably naive or your devotion is misplaced. Have you read the articles on the main page? There are dynamics 2 affairs that are common 2 all of them. Even we BSs (betrayed spouses) behave in sadly predictable ways at first after discovering our spouse's affair. Like many before, you need 2 get yourself grounded emotionally, so that you can deal with this effectively.


Been there many times, thank you.


Read the other responses you've receieved. You'll see that I'm not the only one suggesting you consider bailing. The reason for the suggestion is that you've only known your W for a short time, and have been married a very short time and thankfully have no kids with her.

You have 2 options. You can stay and try 2 make your marriage better, or you can call it off. But if you do choose 2 stay married 2 this obviously very imma2re woman, you have your work cut out for you.

You have recovery work 2 do whatever your choice, 2 be sure. But the stakes aren't as high as they would have been if this had been a long-term marriage, or you had kids with her.

-ol' 2long

And you shouldn't trust her. Not for a long time. Have you heard about transparency? In order for your wife to prove to you that she is trustworthy, she would need to give you all of her passwords to her cell and computer accts, she should be willing to let you know where she's at all the time and contact numbers, she would be willing to take a polygraph, etc. You get the picture? A "recovering" wayward spouse would be willing to do these things for you to help regain trust.

How long have you both been in counseling? Have you both discussed her possible affair with the MC?

Ummmmm.....how did you two "meet" over the phone? It wasn't one of those 976-BABE calls was it? Sorry don't mean to offend. Did a friend set you up?

Why did you and your ex-wife of 20 years split up?

What did you mean when you said you "were out of it" when you went home for lunch that day. And BTW, I would have torn that freakin house apart to find him if I thought he was there.

I'm assuming the house is hers? And no, you don't have to swallow your pride. You don't have to take anything. She made a committment and vows to you. She broke that promise and she's the one who needs to be swallowing her pride. You don't have to pretend like everything is ok while you save money to move. You can be indifferent or whatever if that's what you feel. Do you think if you don't act all lovey dovey with her that she'll kick you out? Or will she only kick you out if you press her about the affair?

You do know that you HAVE TO get proof of the affair in order to bust it up don't you? IF you want to save your marriage. That is the first thing you need to concentrate on right now. GET PROOF AND EXPOSE THE DISGUSTING AFFAIR TO THE LIGHT OF DAY. Find out if the OM is married and expose to his family. Again, if you want to save the marriage.

It is highly likely that your wife has a whole other side to her that you have no clue about. What do you know about her sexual past and history of boyfriends and or husbands?


Hope you don't mind all the questions but I'm asking them for a reason and am just trying to help.

It seems to me like you're looking for a plan.

This should be your plan.

1. Stop having SF with your WW. Quite likely, you are going to end up catching something.

2. Concentrate on finding a way to get yourself out of that house as quickly as possible. The situation you're in while you're there is very toxic and may likely get much worse if you stay.

3. Once you are out, start work on getting your M anulled, or getting a D. From the looks of it, your W has absolutely no respect for you or your M.

Maybe this can help you track why everyone is giving the advice that you've heard...

Marriages go through several "periods", or "phases"...

The first 2 years or so is normally called "the honeymoon phase". This is when you're going through all the wonder of discovering each other. You build a foundation for the rest of your marriage off of the happy times, wonderful SF, care-free times (for the most part) that normally happen at this point in your marriage.

Then you go through a bit of a rocky period while your marriage readjusts. For about a year or so, its kinda tough while you redo the dynamics of your marriage from being "lust" to a more relaxed kind of love. You've learned about each other...now you learn how to LOVE each other. You go through this next period (year 3 to year 7 approximately) learning to be a FAMILY. Kids are in the picture. Coping with them totally changes the couple dynamic. Marriage has gone from being fun to being work. But its still good.

Around year 7, another tough time hits. Kids are getting older, and so are you. People start to wander sometimes at this point...heard of that "seven year itch"? That's what it refers to.


I won't go on...but the marriage continues to evolve throughout its lifecycle. The bottom line is, the first two years are both the "easiest" in terms of emotional work on the marriage, and the "foundation" for the later parts of the marriage to build from.

YOUR marriage, in this phase, is neither. This is when its supposed to be the EASIEST time to love each other and be faithful...and she's ALREADY straying.

The foundation for a great marriage is being destroyed. You're ALREADY fighting for her love.

This bodes horribly for your chances of a happy marriage later. Most serial cheaters begin their cheating in this phase of the marriage. Most "one time cheats" typically happen LATER, but the marriage is recoverable because of the great "foundation" that's already established.

The reason everyone is telling you to consider ending your marriage now is because they know what your odds of success are. The odds are FAR higher that you'll be facing this same situation many times in your marriage if you remain with this woman. The foundation for a GOOD marriage isn't being put down...the foundation for a very very rough and rocky one is.

And ending a marriage that's built on a bad foundation is MUCH tougher when kids are involved. You're not at that point yet...so it again makes ending it now a better option.

Hope this makes a little more sense to you.

dump the b!tch. she is a cancer, you have no kids...you have only invested a year. Send her packing and move on.

Healingman2,
I'll give you my honest opinion here, although you may not want to hear it. From your own words, you have heard your wife talking to another man about his d$%k and other overtly sexual topics. You have heard her in the act talking about him having an orgasm inside her. You have even see glimpses of him running past the camera.

What your wife is doing is beyond just an affair. She is rubbing your face in a bucket full of s$%t for no other reason than pure maliciousness. Its obvious from your description that she has absolutely no respect for you. She is showing you that by doing all this stuff and then telling you "if you don't see anyone, then I am not having an affair". Remember, that your marriage is not a court of law. You do not need to catch them naked in bed, with him holding up 2 forms of government ID to prove he is not you. What you have told us in this thread absolutely counts as incontrivertible proof that your wife is simply an awful person.

To say you want to believe her is dangerously obtuse. Its the equivalent of an ostrich putting its head in the sand. Ayn Rand used to say that you could choose to ignore reality, but that did not exempt you from the consequences of that choice.

I'm all for trying to save marriages (heck, I'm trying to save mine right now), but what you have described is not a marriage. Its an emotionally abusive relationship that you are willingly playing a part in. You need to find a way to get out of that relationship now. Do you have any friends you can move in with while you save money?

Its your choice of course, but its my opinion that you need to walk away and never look back. She is not worth one minute of your time.

You put a webcam in your room

you say
she doesn't say anything about it
you say
you don't say anything about it...

so the affair aside...you never say..
hey honey I bought a webcam
and she never says
really what for....

do you ever use the webcam
for something..
anything....

it's like symptom of the big elephant..

what type of open communication is that on YOUR part...???

marriagebuilders is all about the working on and creation of a marriage...that is valueable to all parties involved.,..

it is a lot about introspection and stopping the chaos on your end...inspite of what the spouse does...

why a webcam...why not a keylogger..

and why do you want to believe her lie when you have seen her doing this with your own eyes..

what is the aspect of your wife getting off on you being a voeyer in to the affair...

is that what excites her....

ARK

Sorry, been preoccupied, caught up in fear and loathing.
First 2long, I want to apologize, its not about the easy answer is it.. also I spent so much time in that audio that I was completely lost to reason, it was all I know, so the graphic details I apologize for it.

I met her on a sales call, she called we liked each other and started to talk almost everyday, in about four months time I visited her, we met face 2 face for the first time.
We had sex that first night, I was not expected it, but we did it.

I enjoyed my time with her and we started to talk more after that.
She told me that afterher divorce she stayed to single and to herslf for 7 years, I thought wow she sounds like someone thats got it together, I want to be with her.
We started to get very very serious and before you know it I was moving to her town and we where getting married.

And now this, we taalked about it, she is going to counceling, yet and still she willnot admit to the affair, she even swore on a bible that she did no such thing.

I am looking for a place to go, I'm scared, I'll admit, and I dont like this, and I'm hurt and going crazy each day.
I dont want to leave where I am because I got a great job with many opportunities.

We talk though, and it always turns out to me being the selfish one, me not accepting what happened and move on, then she will threaten me with throwing me out, or telling me to leave, or a divorce, then take it back, when I tell her thats a good idea lets do it.

I drove home again on my break, thats twice I made an unannounced visit to my house, I shouldnt have to worry about whats going on at my house when I'm at work.

Thank You all and Im sorry for coming off like a jerk, Im all feelings right now and I dont know what to do....

How can she deny this? You told her you heard her talking to him about how he had an orgasm inside her. You saw him running across your bedroom with your webcam. How in the ****** can she deny this? It is ridiculous and I am sorry but she is playing you for a complete fool. What do you think her reaction would have been if the roles had been reversed?

Yes, she outright tells me to beleive what I have and she will beleive her truth, too which I say she is a liar, I said this to her and told her that I had the proof enhanced, she tells me to delete the audio from my computer.

She is adamant in her denial, even though I have the audio, whispers, talking, movement, and all, in her mind that is not enough.

So I am broken up inside, I want to go, I have no family or friends here to go to...and that makes it tougher, I am tired, extremely tired, and its effecting my head.

Do I want to let go and move on ?? I honestly dont know
Do I want to stop hurting ? Absolutley on that one...
I think about what has been said and it makes sense, here we are in the first year and I'm already screwed... this sucks...

I hope for a solution, I dont want to do that head in the sand thing because my but always gets kicked, and its sore right now......
Hang in there with me please ..
Thank you all so so much ....

I feel so sorry for you. So many problems.
1) This is your first year of marriage and she brings another man into your house and your bedroom to have sex with him. She puts your health at great risk for STD's and makes a complete mockery of your short marriage.
2) You have the proof (do not ever delete this) and she still refuses to be truthful which means she is still a liar and still disrespecting you. Her only response is to delete the tape? Another man is in your bedroom talking about he orgasmed in her and she tells you not to believe this?

I am sorry my friend but there can be no recovery until she is honest which she refuses to be. It is horrible enough that this is happening during your first year of marriage but to have no decency whatsoever to bring her lover to your home and in your bed shows absolute utter distain toward you. I would seriously consider seeking an annulment.
Nobody deserves this. I really think she is getting off playing mind games with you and disrespecting you. She seems sadistic toward you. I wish you luck.

Hi Thanks
Im starting to get in solution mode, I realize that I have to leave her, I know this now, try as I may to stay I just feel lousy, as she lies to me and try to make me feel as though things are going to be OK, that I, I need to wotk on being forgiving, that I have the problem... amazing, she still has the gall to have the OM continue to enter my house even after I confronted her otherwise...

Its a shame.. so I am numbing myself to her, I have a plan now and it feels good for a change, I been feeling like something is wrong with me, that if Ihad of done this or that, and feeling like it was all my fault.. little did I know, little did I know....

That which does not kill you makes you stronger, well when this is done Im gonna be Hercules !!!!

Oh good lord man, post up the video!

Good - now what is your plan?

BTW - Now that you know you have to leave her, why engage her in talks where you KNOW she's going to lie to you and hurt you even more? IMO now's the time to go dark and quiet and work on extracting yourself from the clutches of that nightmare of a W as quickly as possible. Keep on gathering evidence of her adulterous activities, and keep copies of that video - the next time your W should hear about it is from your lawyer when you present your case for D on the basis of adultery - or when someone sends her the YouTube link via e-mail after you're D'd ;-).

Yes, I know that this an MB'ing site, but it's not an "MB'ing at all costs" site. That W of yours IMO sounds like a real bottom-dweller: thank yourself now that you found this out NOW rather than years later after you've invested a significant amount of your life in an M with that lowlife.

BTW - SF on the first date with her? That alone should have told you something about her character, but I guess it's easier to see that now than back then when it was happening.

Hello
Thanks for the post, I have continued to collect audio on her, she said that she was working all day on Vets Day and my audio had her coming home an hour after I left for work, then the OM came over about hour and a half.

It hurts very much to go through this, and I tried to play it cool and coy like everything is OK, but I'm having the hardest time of it, I'm going to burn copies of all the video data I have on her just in case.

In any event, I am OK with leaving, OBTW, I went home the other day to pick up some papers that I had left behind and to my suprise the OM was waiting on the corner, something told me to park on the culdisack instead of in the driveway, but I parked there and he saw my car, and when I took off, he screeched away, she definately downgraded, like the site says someone that she can control and boss around, I confronted her on this, I'm still emotional about this whole nightmare, and she of course denies, however lately she has been in a rut, very upset, I saw him and he saw me, so the secrecy is over, I lost his license plate though.

And I spoke with her parents, and of course they did not beleive that she could do such a thing, I mean she does such selfless acts, always there for you if need be, always avaialble, ready to help, hospitable, her last husband had suspiciions but he acted out on his by doing the same thing that she was doing, so she could play the innocent victim, not this time, adultery, all day long, lies, I'm just going through survival mode right now hoping to make it through, hoping to make it through...... to anyone else going through this, hang in, if it can work and one the WS confesses and is willing to admit the wrong and ask forgiveness thats half the battle, mine well she wanted to have her cake and eat it too... sorry not now !!

Take Care and be Strong !!!!