I read your story Krazy, and no doubt, part of your anger stems from your childhood. No doubt in my mind.

I'm reading the book Toxic parents by Susan Forward right now (my parents qualify as toxic) and am finding lots of answers about how my upbringing with my controlling and verbally abusive parents has affected me in adulthood and my relationships. Not only am I finding answers, I'm finding out ways to break the cycle I'm in right now. This book could be worth looking into if you are looking to go deeper into the subject <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Krazy, Please read this whole post.

I have read a great many of your posts. I was wondering how you were doing with you anger. Can't even wrap my mind around what you would have felt. How angry you were/are. I obviously could not cope with what you have had to go through. I know your hate for the OM. But your wife is what intrigues me. You must love her with everything you have. But the other side of that coin must be hating her with a passion. Hate is not the opposite of love. Apathy is. and you do not sound apathetic in the least. So how does your hate and your love walk hand in hand. I think that one of the reasons for your anger is that your wife cannot understand just how hurt you have been. How could she. I believe your wife needs a word picture in the strongest terms. If I may make a suggestion. That may well finally remove your anger. You need to call an escort service. You need to find the most beautiful woman there. Go home and set up a video recorder. So that the whole situation can be taped from beginning. Arrange to babysit your daughter for the day. After your wife goes out. Have someone take care of your daughter. Call the escort service and let the drama begin. I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU DEBASING YOURSELF LIKE YOUR WIFE DEBASED HERSELF. Start taping before the escort comes. When she gets there have her strip completely naked. Give her a towel to cover herself. The camera is rolling so nothing is being missed. You disrobe in another room. Wait till your wife comes home. When you here the door open. The escort loses the towel, and lies on the couch. You keep yours on. Your wife walks in on you and her. BOOM. Instant understanding and identification. The escort grabs her close and leaves. Your wife goes completely ballistic. You let her scream and yell and cry for maybe five minutes. When you feel she has grasped the whole concept of what she did. You simply go over to the camera and hit the play button. She sees that you had absolutely zero contact with the woman. She now understands for five minutes what you live every day of your life. You look like you have tried everything else. Think about it. Call it an object lesson.

Want to hear about anger from a BW? On my second D-Day, I punched WH in the face and screamed that I hated him. It felt great! The only thing that keeps me from getting angry now? The meds.
Don't know about the rest of you, but italian women don't deal well with cheaters.
I love my H and want this to work, but man did that hit feel wonderful...

Just chimin in to say I read it all Krazy.
Now I understand your input better.

Wow...talk about a blast from the past!

BW here and I understands the anger all too well. Still struggle with it at times but I also have the satisfaction of knowing how much OW's life exploded after D-day. Some times I think it would serve her right if I dropped another bomb just as she starts her life is getting better. LOL I know, I know...NC, no revenge, work on recovery. I am but I'm only human and the thought is still there.

Krazy:

I bumped your original post to see what is different in your sitch.

Not much.

You did the counseling in the beginning because your insurance company paid for it.

Now you want to pay an attorney to dissolve it.

And that is MUCH MORE expensive than any of the other alternatives that you have been shown.

Anyway you slice it. Attorneys fees, costs to move property/align ownership to the new agreements, not withstanding the longer term emotional impacts on you and your kids.

If you can't stand the sight of her, than you should proceed to divorce. Lay it out like you did in your new thread. She may be surprised by your honesty.

I don't think that you EVER got the info you needed from your spouse to truly process what she was doing with OM. The utter casualness of it all. You KNOW there is so much more, but maybe your WW is like MikeC2's. Good to look at, but totally without the ability to "have your back". You have known this before the A entered the marriage, and even more so afterwards.

I don't know how this will turn out for you. Your anger has been palatable around here since you got here. If it hasn't diminished in 16 months, not much might change in the next 16.

Just my .02

LG