Sorry to cross-post but...

ZabaSearch worked! I just called and got their voicemail - "This is *** & *** leave a message."

Alright, guys, I am getting cold feet - let me have it. What is next - can i do this over the phone?

Yes, you can make contact over the phone. Make sure to explain your reasons for exposing (i.e. Not to ruin her marriage, but to save yours and share the truth with her) and that you have copious amounts of evidence that you will provide to her.
If she refuses to believe you, you can always go over there with an evidence packet when her husband is not home. Just leave the package and ring the doorbell and leave. Her curiosity will get the best of her.

Maybe one of our legal pros can comment on whether or not that could be construed as harrassment.

I met OMW face to face with zero resistance.

In fact I handed her a package of evidence on Christmas Eve.

She didn't blame me whatsoever, but her hubby had a reaaaaaaalllly bad Christmas.

Still no luck with the OM's W - two visits and about a dozen phone calls with no luck. I have been blocking the caller-id as not to tip my hand, and they must screen calls. I'll have to go over there when I know WW & OM are together.

Weird one today with the WW. I went home for lunch, she came over to spend time with the kids. She was extemely upset - full of tears, very emotional. I held her for a while to comfort her. She played a yo-yo game, pulling my closer and then pushing me away. "It is strange to be conforted by the one that hurts you so much," she said. She wes referring to all the snide comments I have made over the last month (mostly before I learned about Plan A). In her eyes, the A is not wrong but me taking about it is. Fortunately, I had my wits about me and did not get sucked in to the trap. I did a good job with plan A - this time.

She will be hanging out with the kids and I tonight. I will do my best to stick with plan A. Hopefully, she can soak in a little of my charm before the roof caves in on the OM.

Congratulations!!!



THAT is the foundation on which all of your efforts should be built upon. Very perceptive, Grasshopper!

Brace yourself for the firestorm you'll face when you've exposed to the OM's W, the stuff hits the fan at the OM's place. He'll call her, and complete havoc will break loose.

Remember what you just said when she confronts you...(HE!! hath no fury like a WW "scorned" by exposure to the OM's W) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You are doing great! Keep reading, learning and LIVING in Plan A.

Thank you, Master Po. "It is his eyes which blind the man; Because a man can see, he does not look."

This Plan A is tought stuff. My "Taker" is desperate for love and affection (where there is none) and my "Giver" has taken that midnight train to Georgia. Lord give me strength.

Had a weird day. Spent the last 24 hours with the WW. I don't understand her. Lots of hand-holding, hugging. She even spent the night. I held her most of the night, she vacillated between pushing me away and pulling me closer. She told me it feels good but causes stress. What he heck does that mean? She told me she would not stay tonight because it is too stressful and left. I thought I did a decent job with Plan A but she obviously is confused.

I am still having a problem exposing to the OM'sW. I have made several visits with no luck, and they screen their calls.

It is much better to contact her in person, but if that is impossible, send her a registered/certified letter. I forget which one you have to sign for.

Oh boy, weatherman is forecasting a sh#t storm. I was able to expose to the OMW by phone. She took it pretty hard but agreed to meet for coffee.

Question - the OMW said that they are finished and that she is going to kick his ars out. Doesn't that just open the door for WW and OM to ride off into the sunset?

Wife just called - OM got kicked out. WW tells me that she is not angry but she is shocked. She tells me that she was on the outs with the guy anyway and now he is getting kicked out. She told me we had a good couple of days and had thought about coming back. But I did such a spiteful thing... And this could throw her into his arms...

This is also something I worried about: driving WW into the arms of the OM. HOWEVER, there is no such thing as 'riding off into the sunset.' That's the fantasy that the APs think will happen. It doesn't. After the A is exposed, it isn't so much fun anymore. Even if your WW moves in with OM, it will not go well between the two of them. The A will die a natural death. Read "Surviving An Affair"

Uh-huh.



Straight from WS-Babble 101, so you should have known this was coming.

Continue your plan.

We actually have an appointment with a counselor on Monday. WW still wants to go - mostly to blame me for the failed marriage, no doubt. She told me "we have even more to talk about now!"

Also, she sent me a text message - "She burned all of his clothes. See how much pain you have caused. We had such a good couple of days!" I replied with, "I am sorry you are hurting."

I read into her babble as follows:
1) OMW is livid
2) WW blames me for speaking the truth, not the "A"
3) Plan A was working last couple days.

I don't know how this is going to end but I'm strapped-in and hanging on.

Shocked,

Nice answer to her.

When you meet at the counselor point out a few things:

1. She had the affair and that may have ended OM's marriage, not you tell his W.

2. You KNOW that as long as she is having the affair the marriage has no chance and you will do what it takes to end the affair and fight for her and the marriage.

3. You love her very much, but you won't lie for her nor tolerate any more of her lies.

4. Just nod and smile while she piles on the hate and blame because she is acting like ALL WS's when exposure happens.

You did well. Things will be rough for awhile, hang in there, plan A, and see what happens. Perhaps her sense of entitlement will diminish, it usually does...with time.

Nice job. The response is as expected.

God Bless,

JL

This is tough. She says she feels nothing but contempt for me now for what I have done. Wants nothing to do with me. She is justifying the affair but chastising me for bringing it to light.

Met with the OMH in person. Nice lady - doesn't deserve the OM. Works with children in rehab. Gave her my evidence but he already confessed.

Just got a call from the WW. It seems the OMW is stalking her WH. She went to the YMCA where my WW and her WH workout together. OMW stood in the back of the room and watched everyone. Made WW very uncomfortable.

Things are not going well for the OM. His W burned all of his clothes, smashed his cell phone, and kicked him out to the guest house. 28 years of marriage - she says she wants a divorce. I hope when the dust settles, she reconsiders. 28 years is a long time to throw away.

WW is mad as ****** - "this is all my fault."

"Things are not going well for the OM. His W burned all of his clothes, smashed his cell phone, and kicked him out to the guest house. 28 years of marriage - she says she wants a divorce."

I guess she didn't read about Plan A.

Hang in there. The WS is always FURIOUS at exposure, but they usually get over it in a couple of days. When you go to counseling, be sure to tell her you are sorry for the things YOU did to let the marriage get so vulnerable to an affair.

Thanks, believer. Too bad the appointment is tomorrow. I am sure she will unload. Everything is my fault, after all.

BTW, WW insists the A has nothing to do with the reason for our separation. She is adamant that one has nothing to do with the other. There may be some truth to that but her feelings sure have changed since the A. And she left after, not before, the A.

Fog-babble. Heard the SAME thing from my FWW on D-Day. Listen - she needs to justify her poor choice to have the A, in a way that doesn't make her look like a bad person, see? The only way she can see to do this is to insist that the M was 'over' before the A began. Of course that doesn't make sense to anyone else but a foggy WS, and she will come to realise this once the fog clears. I suggest just listening, but not arguing - that latter's not going to get you anywhere while she's an active WS.

I got the most positive response from my FWW after her first A when I invited her over and burned all of the letters that we exchanged during that period. It was a big wake-up call for her.

Sometimes I regret not doing something similar this second time. I think I actually might have made it too comfortable for her to simply slip back into our comfortable lifestyle.

Maybe some people need a huge "wake-up bomb" to burst their A-bubble.