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AFTER??? Well, that certainly clears it up...THANKS BA.
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Mimi...This made me chuckle as someone who has just recently begun to have to hold medicine labels a little further away to be able to read them...The poster that you were talking to is named "5 OUT OF 6 AINT BAD"...and I know that you read "5out" as the word "Soul"...Just wanted to laugh with you and say, "I totally understand"! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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I encourage everyone interested to read CHAPTER 4 of HNHN. I just went back and read it. What Dr. Harley says THERE... really fits in with what "5 out of 6" said about the SEXUAL FULFILLMENT NEED for MEN. Mrs. W..I found ONE PAIR of my GLASSES..AGAIN... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Notice he says "needs" in the plural sense. There are bigger fish to fry than SF. Dr. Harley DOES NOT say that there are "bigger fish to fry than SF". He includes this as one of the 5 MAJOR ENs of MEN. Make a clear distinction between YOUR OWN OPINION and what Dr. Harley says.
Last edited by mimi_here; 11/15/07 09:44 PM.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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You mean it's confusing to you Meanie! No BigK, I can tell (I think) if someone means sex or SF. I have to guess though. A newcomer might find it confusing, and since SF is a key concept, I don't think the term should be used loosely, especially by MB veterans. And particularly on this thread, which is about what makes sex emotionally fulfilling. I find the distinction pedantic and anal. Do you mean that it's easy to tell, when someone posts 'SF' whether they mean sex or SF? So there's no point in making a distinction? Or that there is almost no difference between sex and sexual fulfillment??
Me 49 SAHD; W 41 SAHM; DS3, DS4.
Seven year affairage.
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AFTER??? Well, that certainly clears it up... Apparently not.
ba109
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BA. I would like to read where you found that SENTENCE. I can understand better if I can read it in context with other information. I'm sitting here with SAA and HNHN in my lap.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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ba109
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Dr. Harley DOES NOT say that there are "bigger fish to fry than SF". I didn't infer that he did. I posted that. That is MY opinion. Harley does infer that there are many ENs. Why is there all this emphasis being placed on SF? Why would a BS offer SF to a WS, a fence sitting WS or an attempting to be FWS when they don't have an ounce of trust in them?
ba109
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Since one of these causes is usually unfulfilled emotional needs, the betrayed spouse should express a willingness to meet those needs after the affair has ended. this is plain & simple. The good doctor in describing what Plan A is uses these exact words. Not meeting the needs WHILE THE AFFAIR IS ACTIVE...expressing a WILLINGNESS TO MEET THEM AFTER THE AFFAIR HAS ENDED.
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MAYBE...but this is not my understanding from the reading that I am doing. I need to know his reference.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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What does EXPRESS a WILLINGNESS exactly mean? This SENTENCE does not explicitly say VERBALLY EXPRESS....
We have been speaking HERE of PHYSICALLY EXPRESS a willingness... other than actual intercourse...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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His reference is right in the link posted above by BA.
It is here on this web site.
The paragraph is in the link...What are Plan A & Plan B
In these negotiations for total separation, the causes of the affair should be addressed. Since one of these causes is usually unfulfilled emotional needs, the betrayed spouse should express a willingness to meet those needs after the affair has ended. Another common cause is a wayward spouse's failure to take the betrayed spouse's feelings into account. The betrayed spouse's inconsiderate behavior sometimes leads the wayward spouse to believe that he or she has the right to return thoughtlessness with thoughtlessness by having an affair. Willingness of the betrayed spouse to follow the Policy of Joint Agreement goes a long way toward resolving the issue of thoughtlessness.
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Agree...if SF has been an issue then what exactly does express a willingness mean?
And why would a WS who is ALREADY getting that EN met by someone else care?
I mean..if you spent 10 years convincing them you'd rather have your tongue nailed to the floor than have sex with them your "willingness" isn't going to carry a lot of weight.
Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once ~Shakespeare
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AFTER THE AFFAIR HAS ENDED cannot be misinterpreted Noodle
. After...not during... after.
Last edited by mkeverydaycnt; 11/15/07 10:49 PM.
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are we taking out secret decoder rings to muddy up a perfectly clear statement.
A willingness to meet a need after the affair has ended...cannot be misinterpreted to mean that I will begin to meet the need before the affair is over.
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MEDC:
I have closure on this. I see and appreciate your point. I did my own reading on this in my Harley books. I really loved Noodle's post to me and I want to end my thinking on this for now. Ok?
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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My husband refused to get tested. His reasoning was that the OW was "clean", and a good woman. He also was still in contact with her. I completely cut off the SF which had been going fine until D-day. I did let him know that when there was NC and testing, it would resume. He complained that I was trying to "control" him. We are divorced now.
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Not every marriage should be saved. If a H isn't willing to stop screwing around and get tested to prove he is not going to kill his wife...he is better off as an EXH.
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A willingness to meet a need after the affair has ended...cannot be misinterpreted to mean that I will begin to meet the need before the affair is over. Exactly. Yet mimi doesn't always seem to grasp this concept. Nor do some of the newly BS's. Why the rush to meet this need for the BS? I did let him know that when there was NC and testing, it would resume. He complained that I was trying to "control" him. We are divorced now. Good for you believer. You enforced your boundary with full understanding of the possible consequences. I think these consequences are what urge some BS's to meet SF needs too soon.
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