I'm equally sure that your daughter will take great solace in this as she endures her misery over the coming years.

Good Luck,
Jerry

Thankyou for your input as well

pottsy, very respectfully i ask (i'm sorry i have not read all your posts, forgive me if you have already explained). why are you only taking your son? i am a daughter, with 3 siblings. for a while we were split up.

If you were expecting a glowing endorsement of what you are doing, then you obvously came to the wrong place.

I only hope that you take this time to reconsider and unify your children. Your WW's action at this point is insignificant. YOU are the one who is being challenged to do the right thing by your kids. Yet you refuse to take up their cause.

Your choice,,,,, you live with it.

Jerry

Jerry,
I don't think this "man" will have any problem dealing with it. He will spend his life whining about how his wife ruined everything...he will somehow convince himself that he is giving his son a good life even though his son will eventually hate him for what he is doing...he will go back to drugs because well, that's what he does...he will find every excuse in the world to drag women in and out of his child's life, never being able to have a real relationship because of his unresolved bitterness and because what woman would ever want to be with a man that was willing to split up with his children like this....
he won't reconsider because this is just too easy for him to do right now...he has an easy out and it doesn't matter that he is spoiling his child's life...after all, he is only worried about himself.

Pottsy.

Cancel that flight!!!!!!!

I can't tell from your thread how long you have been trying to save you marriage but to me it doesn't look as though you have tried very hard.
Read my thread and many others on here.
Less than 8 months ago my WW told me she was "In Love" with OM. She told me she wanted me to leave our house so OM could move in and live with her and DD. All WS come out with this kind of crap. On the advice of people on here I refused, fought for my M and my family, exposed the A at work.
We are now on the long road to recovery and planning Christmas and a family holiday together.
I went through some tough times, false recoveries and my WW tried to give up OM a few times but found it too hard, but I made it too hard for her to carry on seeing him,eventually she managed to stick to NC, get through withdrawal and then she really started to come around. She told me only last week that she doesn't really think about OM anymore.
I believe there is hope for you and your M but only if you stay and fight, I can't believe you would consider splitting up your children.
I believe that the fact that your WW has tried to give up OM on several occasions is significant and maybe with your help she may manage it.

Do the right thing for your kids and FIGHT!!!!

Alas, MEDC, I believe you are right <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />.

But I don't think anything you or i say here will make any difference. That's the sad truth to another innocent child becoming a product of dysfucntionality. we see it all the time.

All blessings,
Jerry

Medc,

Thanks for your input. My last post included this statement:

Splitting up a family is not wise. Keep your children together, fight for your family. 4 months seems long but it isn't wise to make life changing decisions while your mind and heart are not in sync.

He needs to secure custody. As for how we are posting, maybe we ought to make sure it is 'consructive criticism'. The ones I read seemed fine. It was more his attitude. Very common for a young BS to lash out at the very ones helping him.

Give him time to digest it all. It appears t/b too much coming at him and he fact that he isn't in control scares him.

Patience..... is important here. He may make some mistakes but he will learn. We all did. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

pottsy, braeworth just gave you the best advice. He JUST did what we're urging you to do.

You didn't answer me about a doctor or meds. If you did, I didn't find it.

All of us here have had our marriages tested by infidelity. Some rebuilt, some of us ended. Personally I can't believe you are so quick to give up without a fight.

sorry Orchid, there is NO room for the type of mistakes he is making...no need for patience in this matter. His actions are frankly comparable to child abuse.
In four days he is leaving the country with his son to return to his native Denmark....I think the time for patience is over.

This was a post from me early in the thread...about two weeks ago. The time for patience has past.
Even you Orchid asked the question on day one of this thread...



well, I think that has been answered.

I suspect Pottsy expended more energy looking into international flight schedules and prices, than he ever spent in trying to keep his children intact.

Nothing anyone here can do about that, except to say that I'm sure he will wake up to this nightmare he has created decades from now.But by then it will be too little and too late. So sad <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />.

All blessings,
Jerry

From reading your question it is a sad one in regards to the children. I have had an affair in the past that broke my family and continues to after a year. While my H and i were separated things were pretty bad. I admire my H from trying to make things work however i was in a state of denial and did not want to hear anything of what he had to say. Something in her life that she cares about needs to happen for her to recollect her thought and try to want to work things out with you. Unfortunately we sometimes dont know what we feel extremely passionate about until it blows up in our face. It has been about one year after the affair and because of our separation my H does not know if he wants to stay or not. It is so painful to talk about the emotional roller coaster that you might be going thru. I am sorry and feel my duty to tell women that are having an affair to really look at the complitions that it might cause to your family and friends. I know the toll that an affair can have on children and sadly a separation might do some more harm than good. Give her a specific amount of time and let her know that you will try to file for custody maybe that would snap some sense into to her. If you are unable to try to stick around for your children if custody is not granted.