well we are almost all set for the camping trip tommorrow to Ocala National Forrest. My son is soooo exited and he has been talking about it for weeks. I get enjoyment from seeing him have fun. His cousin and friend from next door are also coming so I'm gonna hafta play papa bear but it's only an overnight trip so it shouldn't be that hard to keep up with the kids

all i hafta do is buy the smores ingrediants, the hamburgers and the drinks

his mother called me at work today and said that my son had invited her to go along. she told me that she didn't answer him because i had not invited her. so i reminded her that i'm not going to act like her friend so long as OM is around. she got a little upset about not being included but she'll be okay

in january i had my annual open enrollment for medical insurance at which time i pulled her off my plan to save like $400 per month. this morning her subsidy got cancelled for some reason and she started taking that out on me too. basically i said she made her bed and now she has to sleep in it

then i got a classic woman word that men worldwide have learned the true meaning of... teh almighty "whatever"

heheh. when i say whatever, it basically means i don't care

when she says it, it means something completely different

but right now i truely don't care. i'm goin camping lol

HAVE A GREAT TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are doing a fantastic job!

Good for you.

And the more she pulls her nonsense, the indifferent you will get to her.

I am in social work too btw. Perfect field for those of us with big hearts and who want to help people. NOT so good for those of us who feel we have to SAVE people though... one of those catch 22's I guess.

Have fun

mlhb

my step daughter got arrested again this morning

her mother called me at work crying, saying she slapped my step daughter for repeated verbal disrespect and when my step daughter slapped her back she called the sheriff's office

they took her away in handcuffs and may charge her with a felony because it's happened before. she said my step daughter was acting all proud as they put her in the back of the cruiser

then my wife tried to make me feel guilty for not being there to help with all this stuff and i wasn't sure what to say that i haven't already... all the hey remember you left me bit

and i kept thinking to myself as she is all but begging for some sympathy... i kept thinking what the heck am i supposed to do? what the hell do you want from me? you trampled on my feelings over and over... why can't you see that i am no longer your confidant?

why can't you see that i care about my step daughter and how all this crap affected her but that i don't really care about you. you hurt me. you left me and now you have to live with the mess you created

and tonight i will probably have to tell my son that his mother is going back on another promise to let him spend the night. it might be one of those xanex nights

this storm used to be a daily thing for me... stuff like this in different forms happened regularly. it's no wonder why i shut down and stopped communicating



EDIT: Oh and we had a fantastic time camping this past weekend. Next weekend I'm gonna teach him how to ride a bike now that he has health insurance again and maybe we will go swimming together at the water park... I do my best to keep him occupied and sheltered as much as possible

how old is she?

mlhb

14 in May but she thinks she is 21

They arrested a 13 year old for slapping her mother?!

yea but it may have something to do with her criminal history

she has been baker acted three times since 2004... reported as a runaway a few times since the separation... there are lots of truancy issues... plus she was involved in some kind of car theft thing a few months ago

she is on juvenile probation so there is a don't do crap or we will arrest you portion as part of the probation

being a pre-teen girl is tough enough but she has been through alot. her father was incarcerated for drugs when she was like four years old. after i came in the picture he would tell her not to listen to me and say all kinds of mean stuff about her mother and i being together

her mother's second OM went to her birthday party one year and she saw them kiss. right after she told me that (my first D Day in 2004) that was when she was baker acted the first time

she refuses to take meds to ease the depression

then while her mother and i were still living together, her mother started dating OM3 and my step daughter not only knew about it but became friends with his daughter

a few months ago we were talking about why she never told me and she said that she couldn't bring herself to narc on her mother again

to top all that off, her father got out of prison back in august and he has been a complete jerk... the dude lives with his parents and works and had the gall to go to court to reduce his child support even though he has no expenses. she really didn't like that

and with her mother still dating the dude she left me for and she completely hates this guy. she said OM3 got tired of her mouth one day and told her to f off

she has been through alot for a kid and i know if i had to do that while going through puberty it would have screwed me up too so i don't blame her for all the acting out

i've told her mother this many, many times... to just drop OM3 and spend time repairing their relationship but stbxw is stubborn as heck

stbxw is choosing OM3 over her daughter and any chance of being civil with me

really sad... and a new baby will only make it worse especially since both of her bio parents are pushing for an abortion... something she is against. her mother said she would not care for the baby and that social services would get the baby

she likes me though. i was probably the most stable adult in her life but now i don't influence her as much because we obviously don't live together

So sad. My best friend in junior high had a mother who had been married 7 times. Every time, she sided with the man over her own kids. Adults just have NO idea how much that tears at a child's heart. NO idea. I've always said that you can put a child in the worst environment in the world, but as long as they know they are loved and cherished, they can triumph over anything.

Please don't give up on her. Please continue to be the steady one, even if she rarely deals with you. Send her birthday cards, as silly as that sounds; maybe include a gift card to a department store. Sounds stupid, but these little steps of love and normalcy will mean the world to her. That said, don't expect a lot. She may quit talking to you, but she will never forget you. If you keep in touch with her, even minimally, you may become the one good guiding force in her life. And just maybe 5 years, 10 years, even 15, she may come back around to see you and tell you that you were the only thing that kept her from going down the drain.

this 13 year old girl is pregnant too? did i read that right?

mlhb

guess it was another false alarm... she got her period today according to her mother

had a slip up today

there was a school function that we both attended and she asked me if i had done my co-parenting class yet (a requirement for divorce in florida)

that brought us on the topic of mediation and she was complaining about how "i hafta pay $40 just to argue with you." she said if we agreed on everything we could forego this step. my answer to this was that she wanted me to buy her right to the deed on the house we bought together and i needed more time to get those funds together

so she says why do you hafta be such a jerk... i told her i wasnt in the mood to argue and walked away

a few minutes later she walks back up to me and starts arguing again... well... i am kinda tired of being called names... been there done that... and i know two wrongs don't make a right but the word w h $ o r e slipped out

feel kinda bad about using that word

guess i should apologize

Okay, mediation is scheduled for this week. My wife is expecting me to sign off on joint custody and me giving her $4000 to purchase her rights to the home.

A curve ball is coming her way.

I plan on going for broke and letting a judge decide what to do.

I don't expect any settlements at mediation.

This is a first draft for my verbal statement if I am given the opportunity to do so in court... once the date is set. Let me know what you think. I will not use this speech at mediation. I do not want to give away my game plan.



Your Honor:

While my petition states that I am seeking joint custody of our son Cory, I have had alot of time to think about this and have concluded that it is my son's best interest that I have a primary custody. Since I filed the petition, my wife has not helped much to support our son financially and I fear that this will continue unless she is ordered to do so.

From the time she moved out in June 2007 until now, I have paid $1500 in after school care expenses while she has paid less than $100. I have copies of all of my cancelled checks as proof.

There have literally been many thousands of dollars associated with avoiding forclosure of our jointly owned home.

I attempted to put our house on the market shortly after she moved out. It was on the market for three months but nobody made an offer on the home. It was listed at $145,000 and we would have taken a financial loss at that price.

In October 2007, I realized that I had to do something else or foreclosure would be imminent. I decided to refinance the home so that our son would have a stable place to live. When I closed the deal, the 2007 taxes that had been in escrow were returned to me in the form of check with both of our names on it. My wife demanded that I give her half of the amount in cash. A few months later, I had to pay the county taxes by myself. She is responsible for sharing that expense because she lived in our home for half of the year. I have a copy of the cancelled check showing that I paid the $1600 in taxes if you would like to see it.

We purchased our home for $130,000 in 2006. After refinancing the home in my own name to reduce monthly expenses, my debt increased to $148,000. It cost me several thousand dollars to close the deal plus I had to add $10,000 in home improovements that were initially paid with credit. I was forced to add another couple thousand dollars so that I could make ends meet until I could complete final adjusts to my budget in a responsible manner. Basically when my wife moved out, my expenses far exceeded my income and drastic changes had to be made that took time to complete.

From June 2007 until the end of December, I paid all the health insurance for the family. My wife never offered to share that expense. From June 2007 until the present, I have paid all of Cory's health insurance costs. This cost me approximately $2500.

My wife used marital assets to move into her apartment. To furnish the apartment, she took at least 75% of the furniture out of our home. I was forced to purchase a new bed, a washer, a dryer and other items. This cost me over $600. I will need to spend more money to replace the other items in the future.

My wife has demanded that she file our son on her income taxes next year even though he has lived with me at least 90% of the time since she left us. I have logs from my son's daycare that proove I have picked him up almost every day in that time frame. Cory spends the night with his mother sometimes but she takes him to school early the next morning. There are very little costs associated with an occaisional overnight stay. I do not believe she can proove that she has incurred 50% of the cost of raising him since she left.

There are other reasons why I would like primary custody. Currently, my wife has a two bedroom apartment that she shares with my step daughter. Our son has no bedroom at her apartment. He has his own bed and his own room in the house he lives in now.

Furthermore, my wife is having an incredibly difficult time with my step daughter at the moment. My step daughter has been Baker Acted three times over the past few years; she has been arrested for domestic violence on her mother in April of this year; she was questioned by the Winter Haven Police Department for her role in a car jacking in late 2007; she has extensive truancy issues as well. I do not believe this is a stable environment for my son to live in full time.

Your Honor, I have taken many steps to provide my son with a stable house since his mother left. I have finally come to the point where my income can meet my monthly expenses and I no longer have to worry as much as I did last year from a financial perspective. There is not much left over at the end of the month but I have been meeting my son's basic needs.

My wife receives around $400 per month in child support for my step daughter. Please assist me with determining a fair amount of child support for her son.

Get rid of the last paragraph. Tell the Judge what you want.

If you are going for primary, and paying 90% you should ask not to have to pay any child support. She pays for daughter you pay for your son.

I agree, the last paragraph should be changed. Something like 'if you agree that he will thrive under my care compared to hers, please grant me custody. If so, I request that W provide $300 a month to me for help supporting our son.' Something like that.

The only other thing is that in the middle, when you get into the thick of things on you paid for this, replaced that, cost this, spent that, the judge may tell you he's heard enough. I'm a writer, and the most important thing is to get all the important facts in the first paragraph, and then back it up with all the rest. Kind of like an introductory paragraph.

guess i could clarify the last paragraph but i think you misunderstood

i am not asking to pay child support. i want her to pay me child support. she gets $400 for her daughter (my step daughter). i am not financially responsible for my step daughter... my step daughter's bio dad pays that

guess i should just delete the step daughter sentence altogether since its not relevant

yes, maybe a little less wordy and ask for the maximum child support that the state allows for one child and that you want it garnished from her check. Trust me that is much easier than hunting an ex spouse down for cs. It will go right into your account each week.

mlhb

I updated the statement for the court.


Your Honor:

I would like to change my petition to reflect that I would like primary custody of our son Cory and that I am seeking child support.

At the time I filed the petition for divorce, I trusted my wife to help to help me with finances associated with raising our son. She promised to help me and I believed her. But unfortunately she has not provided much support. I will cite several examples:

My wife moved out of our home in June 2007 and left me as primary custodian of Cory. She worked nights and was unable to pick him up from school. She was also moving in to a two bedroom apartment with her daughter from her first marriage. Cory had nowhere to sleep at her place so it made sense.

She agreed to help me with daycare expenses for our son. I trusted her to do so but I ended up paying $75 per week for summer care by myself and then when school started I ended up paying the vast majority of after school care.

I have paid $1100 in after school care expenses and another couple of hundred dollars in summer care. According to my records, she has paid $150.

This single expense has been a hardship on my finances because when she left, my expenses suddenly far exceeded my income. I took two emergency steps to change this.

First I tried to sell the house. It was placed on the market at a price that was enough to pay off the mortgage and home improovements that had been placed on credit. After three months, nobody made an offer and my finances were getting dangerously low. Foreclosure was becoming imminent so I took the house off the market and refinanced the home to reduce the monthly payment and keep our son in his home.

When I closed the deal, the 2007 taxes in escrow were returned to me in the form of a check with both of our names on it. My wife demanded that I give her half of the amount in cash. I told her this was not fair because she had lived in the home for half of the year and that she was at least partially responsible for those taxes. I ended up having to pay the county property taxes by myself. I have a copy of the $1600 check.

From June 2007 until the end of December, I paid all the health insurance for the family. This cost me around $900 per month. The total cost for this was around $4,500. My wife never offered to share that expense. From January 2008 until the present, I have paid all of Cory's health insurance costs. This cost me and additional $750.

My wife used marital assets to move into her apartment. To furnish the apartment, she took at least 75% of the furniture out of our home. I was left with a virtually empty home. I was forced to purchase a new bed for $500, a used washer and dryer for $50 and a bed for the guest room for another $150. I will need to spend more money to replace other items in the future.

My wife has demanded that she file our son on her income taxes next year even though our son has always lived with me. Cory spends the night with his mother sometimes but she takes him to school early the next day. There are very little costs associated with an occaisional overnight stay. I do not believe she can proove that she has incurred 50% of the cost of raising him since she left.

These are all examples of how much I have sacrificed for my son. When I talk to my wife about this, she says she has purchased some clothing for him and that she bought him lots of Christmas presents. But presents are not basic necessities.

There are other reasons why I would like primary custody. My wife is having an incredibly difficult time with her daughter from her first marriage. My step daughter has been Baker Acted three times over the past few years; she was arrested for domestic violence on her mother in April of this year; she was questioned by the Winter Haven Police Department for her role in a car jacking in late 2007; she has extensive truancy issues as well. I do not believe this is a stable environment for my son to live in full time.

Your Honor, I have taken many steps to provide my son with a stable house since his mother left us. I have finally come to the point where my income can meet my monthly expenses and I no longer have to worry as much as I did last year from a financial perspective. There is not much left over at the end of the month but I have been meeting my son's basic needs.

In conclusion, I have spent several thousand dollars on daycare, food, utilities, clothing and refinaning the home to avoid a foreclosure. I would like my wife to compensate me for these expenses. I would also like her to return a portion of the 2007 taxes. I filed a petition for joint custody because I trusted her to help me. She said she would. But I have learned that I cannot trust her to do this on her own. For this reason, I am requesting child support be garnished from her wages.

just got out of mediation and it was a disaster

it all came down to her wanting money

she told the mediator that when we married, I moved into her home... one she had from her first marriage. We got into debt at that place because her first husband was a drug dealer and the house was too much for us to maintain on our salaries

she used $30,000 in her equity to pay our marital debt off in 2004 and she says now i owe her. the mediator agreed saying she was legally entitled to that. furthermore he said if i even mentioned adultry at the court hearing, the judge would probably immediately cut me off

he said it's likely i would have to pay her even though the child has been living with me since she left for another man

my father told me not to offer her a dime at mediation and just take it to court and let the judge decide

not sure i have ever been this scared of the future

Sorry to hear that. Do you have a lawyer yet? Get the best one you can afford. I've seen the damage weak or new lawyers can do for their clients. Spend the money.

B.S. maritial debt is marital debt, period. It doesn't matter who paid how much for what. She used the home to settle a marital debt and that is past history.

I believe she lost claim to that equity once the asset was liquidated to pay off marital debt.

Was the mediator a lawyer, or just a trained mediator? Just because the mediator believes that doesn't make it law. I'd check with an attorney to be sure on this matter.

Sadly, it probably doesn't matter.
Maybe, maybe not, depends upon who is the primary custodian.
I'd check with an attorney first, to see how cases typically go in your jurisdiction.

It's not fun having your future and the future of your child in the hands of another person that you don't know and/or cannot trust. I feel for you.