And print out the EN questionnaire here and see if she will fill it out. In fact, both of you can fill it out.

I know exactly what they were - we were essentially living separate lives. Plan A gave her what she needed all along - companionship and compassion. In a sense, I will continue plan A but the difference is that it will not be a one-way street.

Be sure that your wife and you read all the stuff here about how to have a GREAT marriage. It is very helpful. Also you might want to spring for an appointment with the Harleys for a recovery plan. It is expensive, but they get right to the point quickly.

I hope you know that recovery is the hardest part of all of this. Rest up.

That's great news man!

Very happy for you!

Brace yourself for some pretty intense emotional swings through the next couple months. Don't know if there's much that can be done to prevent them, but perhaps knowing to expect them will help you out some!

And be sure to check out the recovery thread. There are lots of folks that have been through it and they can help you.

Thanks everyone. We have a tough road ahead of us. While it is true she is dedicated to our marriage, there is a level of intimacy that is still lacking. I am far more affectionate and she is still not ready to consummate our relationship. I think this will be a topic with the MC tomorrow.

We had a difficult time last night; she is very stressed over my parent's visit this weekend. My folks are not ready to forgive her but they did agree to see her. She regrets the damage done to that relationship and says she is not mad at me for doing so but wish I did not expose. She feels they will never look at her the same way again and is probably right. I certainly understand her anxiety but it did put a strain on our interactions together.

I ordered HNHN and am going to start reading the recovery thread to see if I can get some pointers. Thanks again everyone for all your support.

Something they don't seem to realize is that exposure sucks badly for us as well.

I exposed to my parents but not hers. My parents are very supportive, they have never said a cross word about or to my W and have a strong desire for us to work things out.

However, I myself am slightly uncomfortable with the fact that they know. For some reason, I feel some shame in front of my father regarding the fact that I am still with a woman that did this to me. I have not yet figured this out in myself, and don't know if you will feel anything similar, but if so, I'd be willing to talk about it.

I know exactly how you feel. Maybe it is the generation gap but even though my folks have been very supportive, it is obvious to me that they will have a difficult time getting past this, if they ever do.

I think you both err in thinking your WW's adultery was something "done" to you. In fact (in one sense), the adultery had very little to do with you and, further, was conducted “in spite” of you and the relationship you had with your WWs. Be very, very careful about going down this path, gents. You can still rescue defeat from the arms of victory if you let it happen.

LH

I do see your point in a sense LH, the physical act of adultery was probably the 3rd most upsetting thing my WW did "to me" or "in spite" of me through this ordeal.

The lying was done "to me". The disease was given "to me". However, perhaps this is more a question of semantics? I will conceed that my choice of words was poor. Perhaps you could further clarify what you're trying to say?

I am aware that defeat could be rescued from the arms of victory, hence my concern for my sitch. and my warning to Sh0cked.

Tyk, let's not threadjack Shock's thread. How about starting a thread on this subject and ask for commentary from a wide group of MB pros and folks also going through the same difficulty?

Longhorn, you are right. The A is not about what she did "to me," it is a combination of what I did to make the marriage vulnerable and a very poor choice on her part.

FWW tells me she is committed to doing everything she can to make the marriage work. I have already changed the habits that drifted us apart, and will continue to try to meet her EN. Unfortunately for me, SF is not in the picture yet but that seems normal after reading some posts in the Recovery thread. She tells me she is not ready because 1) she is afraid of thinking about the OM and does not want to bring him into our relationship and 2) wants to discuss this with the MC to try and improve on what we had before.

It has only been about month with NC so I am trying to remind my taker that I am lucky things have progressed as fast as they have. I am fortunate she has given me companionship and affection.

I also try to remind myself not to look at the present but focus on the horizon. We are still on shaky ground and need to remember the successes thus far.

Finally, I try to remind myself that there is no end date to this; there is only more work and more reward. Failure to work on the relationship is what got me into this mess in the first place.