Thank you for your input Melodylane. I didn't think it was contact but i guess i wanted to make sure that i was seeing it the right way. He has told them that the affair is over and so has the OW but i guess people still feel the need to try and create drama. He works as an EMT and most people in this field are shall we say lacking in morals and they need someone to talk about or create drama around. He has told them not to use us in that fashion. I was surprised he told me that she was hurt. I never want harm to come to someone but it's not like i am upset/concerned about it either.

Any rate thanks for your input.

Bella, they don't still work together do they?

Hey Bella,

How's it going? Mel's question seems as important as the NC letter SMB mentioned. Do they still work together?

How do you know all the co-workers know? Did WH tell you that? If so, that's suspect.

All these nice favors he's doing could be a smokescreen. My DH lied to me just last week and we've been working at this for over a year. Total transparancy is tough but needed. Until you reach that stage, you need to snoop and spy to save your M. (We haven't reached it yet.)

Hope you can check in soon, Bella.

Ace

Hey Bella,

How are things going?

Ace

No they don't still work together... he is an emt and so is she they work for different companies in different towns but could end up at the same hospital at some point at times. He used to be a dispatcher prior to that and he worked the same shift that she did so they had pretty much 4 days off a week together. That's when they would see each other while i was at work and they were off.

I guess things are OK..... he is still here still says he doesn't know if he is going to stay.... he says he every great once in awhile gets a spark back for me but other than that he has no romantic feelings for me. it's hard having a new baby and being christmas but being told that your husband doesn't love you any more. It is trying on me and each day i get up wondering how much longer i can endure. how much longer can i hear him be mean to me. I just want things to be back to normal again and i know they can't and it hurts sooooo much.

Thanks for reading i appreciate it

Well you are going to have to remain calm, warm and loving. I know it doesn't seem fair. Also I would check to see if they are in contact. You might have to hire a PI if you are working and he is home.

Have you put a keylogger on the computer? Do you have access to the phone records. Considered a GPS in his car?

My WH was overly nice to me the whole time he was secretly reconnected to OW........3 D-days over 6 weeks. And then he lied a few months later trying to see if she was online 'so he could resist her'. MC called it as bad as another D-Day cuz WH most likely would have reconnected had OW been on line.

Withdrawal sucks, Bella. You have to fight the alien fog with loving kindness....eventually he may de-fog. It's different for all couples, but at least he's home. You can meet his EN's and rebuild the love he claims has dwindled. Keep reading and seeking......and spying. That's what it might take unfortunately.

Ace

How's it going, Bella?

Ace

Things are going ok here. Trying to get into the christmas spirit. Took DD to get her pic taken with Santa and that was fun, we even did some xmas shoping for her while we were there.

All and all it turned out to be a nice night. Tonight is his B-day and i am taking him out to dinner to a nice place. He has been in a good mood for the most part so i am hoping things continue to progress.

We went to MC this week and his still doesn't know what he is doing as far as we are concerned. He says he really doesn't have any romantic feelings for me but that he still loves me but not in love with me....yada yada.... i am trying my best to get the spark back but the counslor things i am being despirate. In a way i am but i guess it is because i am trying to save my marraige and the man i love. What my husband doesn't realize is that the changes that i have made aren't for him..... but in a way it is how i should have been treating him from the begining. He deserved the same respect and attention that i give to everyone else. I took him for granted and just figured he would always be there no matter what.

i am just hoping he sees that i am not being fake or forced it is what i want to do.... it is how i want to be. I just wish i was like this before or that i had known i wasn't meeting his needs properly.

How was the BD dinner with your H, Bella?

Is your MC familiar with MB principles? We are reading Fall in Love, Stay in Love now (nearly 18 months after D-Day #1) and we are learning so much about the process. Dr. Harley explains how our Love Bank accounts are fulfilled or depleted and the accompanying feelings.

Did you read my strange story, Bella? I am one example of how it is never too late for those LB$ to be filled with the accompanying passions that being madly in love has....and I thought we were hopeless....well, we sorta were at one time. But then we found MB and the concepts here and our faith in God (and our tough MC) have been what saved us.

What MB books have you read? When is your next MC session? Keep us posted and know that we all care.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Bella and family}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} <~~~hugz

Ace

How's it going Bella?

Ace

Well all is going ok here.... at least i think. The birthday dinner went ok he said he had fun and he was thankful for the dinner and the cake and presents.

He has even gotten to the point that i get a hug and a kiss every day before i go to work or he goes to work. He has finally gotten up beat and sounds happy, but i don't know if he is just faking it or not. I don't like that as much as i want to fully trust him suspeciousness still sneaks in. I just want to know why this had to happen. I know my faults in the marriage but i just can't understand why he had to cheat. It hurts to know that he may never fully stay but he has been here for the last month and half. I try not to say anything confrontational nor do i ever ask to talk about how he feels towards me.

I have talked about MB with the MC but i don't think he is too keen on it. He is more of the free choice ideas and he is afraid that my husband is just here and could be acting the way he is right now just so he can tell people that well he tried and it didn't work. He isn't totally convienced that he has stopped talking to the OW but i just wish i knew he wasn't lying any more. He has my heart and the OW's and i have nothing. My husband had told me in the begining that i once had his heart and i threw it away. Some days i just feel so alone inside and he is the only one that can make me feel whole right now. oh well i am in a funk today and i thank you for your concern and interest in me Ace ..... it's really nice to know that someone out that that has made it through this is here to help.

Glad you are hanging in there. At least your counselor isn't glossing over the whole affair thing, and is cautious about recovery. A lot of them just tell you to forget about the affair, and felieve that the WS is sincere while there is still contact.

You can do this, Bella. Keep strong and focused on your goals as you've defined them.

Ace

Hey Bella.......Merry Christmas! Hope you're just too busy with Christmas prep....but I'm praying for you.

Ace

Hey Bella...it's been a few days. Update?

Ace

Well i have a brief update. SOrry i haven't written much i have been sick with a terrible head cold and my daughter is starting to get it as well <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />.

As for things on the home front, my husband has been a whole lot nicer to me for the most part. I get a hug and kiss goodbye now where that had all stopped when i found out about the A. He has been doing xmas shopping and i actually ran into him while i was out shopping so i know he was doing that. Today he took DD with him so i could get some rest. He seems to be in a much better mood these days and isn't the least bit nasty to me. It's almost like he wants to be around me some what again. I just wish i knew for sure what was going to happen in the end. He seems to be more caring but i am just being cautious.

My parents did invite him up for the xmas party they are having next weekend. I have yet to ask him about it but i doubt he will want to go. i feel that he should but we shall see.

Other than that we have plans to spend the holiday with his family for the most part. This will be the first year that i won't see my family at xmas time but i'm sure it will be ok. Hopefully next year we can get back to normal.

Thanks ace for all the caring posts. Helps to know people care <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Bella - A lot of this is about endurance - just staying calm and attractive and getting through everything. I think your husband may still be in contact though.

Did you cut back on your hours at work?

Believer why do you think he is still in contact?

Yes the hours have cut back i am home every night almost by five thirty at the latest. It's been nice.

He won't write a no contact letter. For me, that is the litmus test of sincerity.