I'm sorry that he seems to be fence sitting.
You guys are beautiful. I love the pics with her in the little Christmas outfits. I must say that it kind of pi$$ed me off seeing his smiling face knowing what he's doing to you. Keep you’re head up.

NEVER trust a fence sitter to do the morally correct thing ...

They are at risk to spend $$$ without regard to consequences that you or your child will suffer .... They feel they are justified to treat themselves to lavish vacations/gifts, etc.

Protect your self financially [b]right away !

Hi Bella/LH4E.....so glad you changed your name....I was wondering if you had gone away and here you are with all these great people helping you.

Can't add anymore except that I'm praying for you. I know multiple D-Days are difficult and soooooo illogical. Fog sucks. So will withdrawal when that happens.

As others have said, focus on securing you, your finances and your future....with or without him.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{LH4E and DD}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Ace

I know you are all concerned about a few things but i promise you they are being taken care of i just can't go into deal right now cause i don't know if my WH will read this or not.

I promise you my DD and i will be fine either way just have to get through all of this. I just don't understand it and he says join the club cause he doesn't understand why he is still being in a destructive pattern either.

It just sucks cause i know in the end in my heart he will leave me forever and i know that i had a hand in it cause of my part in the downfall of the relationship. I just thought i was doing what was best for our family by going to work and providing for my husband. I only ever wanted him to be happy and i supported him with his choices to try and start buisnesses... not work..... or work part-time. But in the end i guess that wasn't enough and it for him i just didn't see it.

I know i can't change the past i can only learn from it

You are a great person and you didn't deserve any of this. Please stop being so down on yourself! Are you able to keep doing Plan A? It does sound like you are making progress. The best thing right now, IMO, would be to ease up on the R and A talks and start showing him what he is missing. He is fence-sitting, but he has also voiced his "reality" as not being able to communicate with you or handle the sitch because you "get so emotional." I don't know how you can put up a front for him (I know I probably couldn't do it) but it may speed things along to where he at least feels like he can come home. However, if you have made a boundary where he must stop seeing her to be able to come home, then you should probably do Plan B and go dark. This may also speed up the process since he is already gone, but is still struggling with that decision. I don't know...

All I know is- we're here for you!!

My plan A hasn't been the best and i am trying my best but i guess i still have some maturity issues as far as this is concerned. I am trying my best but it hard for me to deal with the fact that i feel like i am competting for my husband to pick me so to speak. it sucks a great deal and i wish he would just see what he is about to lose. i told him i didn't want my daughter to have a part-time father and that really bothered him. It sucks that he is willing to be a father figure on a daily basis to the OW's son but not his own daughter. I have a hard time comprehending all of that.

He is staying over night tonight at my house because i need a sitter at 6 am but he has made it perfectly clear that this a one night thing he will not be staying tomo night. I am ok with that i just hope i can keep my composure tonight. I dont' think it will be a problem as i have to go to sleep early to get up at 5 am to be at work on time. I just have to dig really deep inside of me to get the strenght that is needed.

Well friday night was a good nite. he came by the house and we had dinner. He even sat and watched tv with me without his computer there. That was the frist time in the last 5 yrs that has happened. It was nice he initiated converstation with me and everything. I went to be and then got up the next morning fed the baby before i went to work and sat her in her swing so he could sleep in.

I went to work and got done a little early so we could go to the baby's baptism class on time. Well if there wasn't a message from go there or what. The whole time the lady from the church talked about God waiting for you even if you leave the church. God will forgive you... yada yada. He was laughing the whole time cause it pertained to him. Then she went on to talk about the story of adam and eve and how God have given them the chance to redemen themselves in the garden of eden but they chose to blame everyone else for their actions. Well i couldn't help it and snickered. He thought it was funny too. We went to his parents house for a bit afterwards

On our way home he said he had put a lot of thought into what the lady at church said and i told him well he could stay if he wanted to. he said he knew and started to get upset and said that there was something he wanted to say but wasn't ready to yet. he said it wasn't bad for me he thinks it is good but he isnt ready to say it. Well i kept pushing and things started to get ugly again. He got mad cause he cant understand why this is so upsetting for me. He says he hates himself he is an A******, D*******, Jerk...ect and he doesn't like what he has become. I said well the hardest part is knowing you are leaving her and are going to see her tonight. I did ask him if he thought this was just something he had to go through and he said it was seeming like that.

Well he went to leave i was crying and he was upset he gave me a hug and said he didn't deserve me being so nice to him. I said i couldn't help it. Back up one second when we were arguing i said to him how would hel like it if i did this to him.. he said you did you were married to your job. I know you say you were doing this for us but you were never here you would go to work come home and go to sleep. All of which i regret but can't change i can only learn from my mistakes.

At any rate this am i askedh im on IM to come by tuesday to watch the baby as she has been up coughing all night and i dont' want her to go to the daycare. He said ok. I know i should learn to keep my mouth shut but i asked him if he thought we could ever date again and he said maybe. He then said he wanted to talk more this week about some stuff. I offered tonight and he said no tuesday. i asked if it was good or bad and he said good i think. Well now i am so confused and so scared at the same time. I have no idea what he is thinking of talking to me about but i know i have to be prepared for the worst. My biggest fear right now is him telling me that the OW is PG. I think i would fall over right then and there cause he would be willing to give up our child to be with her and their child. I dunno i am nervous being a little paranoid right now.

Ok enough ramblings i feel better now that i got that off my chest.

HI LH4,

I wouldn't think he would be telling you it's good if she was PG. But then again he's foggy. From what you describe I think he's missing you and your beautiful baby, but he's not sure if you can trust him again. Between now and then you want to practice talking to him in terms of how you feel, the word you should be eliminated. Ex. You lied to me. Imstead you say... DH It really hurts when I don't get the truth. It takes practice, so talk to the mirror for practice.

No i know i just don't know what the good part is.... good for me or good for him.... i just don't know what to think any more.... he has me so confused and scared about this.

As for trying to talk to the mirror that is a great idea .... i will do definately try that... may feel silly but it has to work.

I can't see that he would tell you something like that unless it was good for you. It wold otherwise be extremely cruel.

Well he stopped by last night cause he was mad that i was going to ask someone else to get me pedilyte for our daugher. He said how dare you not ask me so he turned around and came down here to drop it off. On his way out the door i told him i was scared about what he had to talk to me. He smiled and said he promised it wasn't bad that it was just about his feelings he just isn't ready to talk about them yet. I am not sure how to take that i am still nervous and i guess he doesn't understand why cause that to me could go either way. He did give me two hugs before he left and told me not to worry he would talk to me tomo.

I hate that all i do all night long is dream about the two of them and them having fun together. Stinkin thinkin as someone else has said.

I try not to worry and i know today will fly by as i am probably going to have to pick my dd up early cause she is sick. she threw up all day yesterday and finally wet a diaper last night. She had me worried but she has been generally happy even when she does throw up. She is so good.

Thanks for the vent reading. And any FWS that can put input to the above i would appreciate it.

Unless he is very cruel, I can't see that he would string you along like this and then come to you with bad news. IMO that would constitute emotional abuse.

thanks TMTS..... i don't think so either considering he keeps saying it's not bad... i keep thinking the worst and i don't think he nor would i hope he would be that cruel. heck if he came to me and told me he was gay i would be totally ok with the whole situation to be honest. he could move home and live with me and i could be his friend. i have asked him that several times and he denies it, who knows.

I just hope you are right cause he is being so cautious about whatever it is he wants to tell me and keeps saying he doesn't want to get my hopes up or anything. SO i dunno.... we shall see.

You're too funny... you didn't really ask him if he was gay, did you? As a point of reference, I think that may be considered a LB, especially if you asked him more than once.

Now still be on your guard. What if the news is that the A is over but I still can't come home yet?

LOL no he laughed and said he wished it was that simple but it's not.

I could be ok with that but i don't know if i would believe it or not. He is getting pressure from other people now and so is she... ppl that we both know that aren't happy with what he is doing. I dunno what is going to happen i am actually scared and all i can do is wait. I am doing my best to be patient. Not one of my finer points but something i am doing my best to work on.

I have to leave work early today to pick up DD as she is still vomiting and if she doesn't get any better by later this am i am going to take her to the doctors this afternoon. She is so good even when she is sick.... she vomits or coughs and then just laughs... it is tooo cute.

Hey chickie! Good luck tonight...brush up on your reverse babble and don't let him drag you into his drama. You are doing a great job. Prepare yourself mentally for the following: NO LBs, NO begging and pleading, NO apologies from you about the M before his A...think HAPPY thoughts if you can possibly manage it. Remeber your goal, and the way to acheive your goal is to NOT get sucked in. It is to be STRONG and confident that you will survive.

Be a GODDESS!!!!

Hugs, and prayers for you!

I saw something on TMTS thread about happiness. It is too funny cause my WH says that he just wasn't happy here and was leaving me before her that she isn't a factor in any of this. He thinks that this all might be a phase but he isn't sure. I asked him how he thought he would ever come back home if he was seeing her and he said she has no baring on the situation. I beg to differ but who am i.

He goes to his IC tomo and then wants to have a talk either tomo night or one night this week about his feelings. I am scared about what he has to say he just says he can't be happy at home right now and doesn't know if he ever will. I wish more of his fog would life at times i see the glimps of my DH but then the WH comes out.

It sucks

Well my WH just called AGAIN to say he wants to stay over night cause he knows i am sick and our DD is sick and he wants to give me a rest tonight. I told him he didn't have to that i have to do this myself now since he isn't there to help out.

Then he said well i want to this as long as i can for now. Well i said it would be nice if you were her all the time to help out. He said i know and got frustrated i said it was only because i didn't like the for now statement he made. I have a funny feeling he is living with the OW right now and he just doesn't want to tell me. I could be completely wrong but who knows.

At any rate he said he wants to do what he can to help out for now..... what the heck????? he is her father he shouldn't want to be or be ok with being a part-time parent

Loving...everything he says right now is poison, whether it is "good" or "bad" in his foggy little brain. What does it matter WHAT he says about his "feelings?" You work the plan and ignore what he says. He is fence-sitting and his words mean NOTHING! When he 1)comes home, 2)is truly remorseful, 3)starts being a full-time father to his new baby girl and 4)goes through WD and starts being semi-normal...THEN you can start to listen to him again. Before that-it's all bogus.

Stop reacting to the things he says to you. He is just playing with your emotions, which it is just plain nasty for him to do! You have to be the strong, sane person/parent here and let him self-destruct. Just keep yourself at enough of a distance that he doesn't take you down with him (as much as you can).

Going to eat dinner now...be back soon! Take care of yourself, Goddess LovingHim4ever!!!!

Thanks for the peptalk before he gets here..... i needed that right now to keep me strong as possible tonight.... thanks a ton.