I'll talk to you over here if you want.

IMO, the focus of our discussion will not be about the SEXUAL FULFILLMENT EN which is the topic of that thread.

It will be about SELF-RESPECT and not allowing yourself to be treated DISRESPECTFULLY, like a piece of meat instead of the God-fearing woman that you are.

In order to have a relationship with you, your XH needs to REPENT, ask your FORGIVENESS and separate/divorce his WIFE or else he will be continuing his EVIL WAYS and you will be ENABLING those practices. I recommend that you have NO CONTACT with him until he does this...if ever...

You are making reference to your Christian beliefs so I think you understand what I am talking about here...

Divorce is allowable according to the NEW TESTAMENT in the case of ADULTERY.

Like you, though, I BELIEVE in MARRIAGE FOR LIFE..

Hi mimi,

You are making some assumptions based on your own understanding. What do any of us know but what we know? You know what you know... you have experienced your own experienced... you have learned by your own mistakes in your own situation.. and your own success.

You are a unique person... and you know what you know.

But it is not true that your situation and my situation are the exact same... and what you think based upon your experience in your own situation really applies here in mine.

There are differences.

The first thing I will ask of you, if you would like to continue the discussion... is to not flame me by casting slurs and slanders at me in the form of a very disrespectful judgment... and a very barb-erous name.

Please go back and remove the name from your post... and never target it at me again... if you would like to have a mutually respectful discussion with me.

God bless

I was just trying to talk to you and help you.

I missed what was slanderous.

It seems that you want to argue (?) with me and I may be wrong but I'm not into that, Back..

Carry on with what you want to do.

It's your choice. It's your life.

I wish you the best.

BTW, I made a clear distinction about him TREATING you like a HO..NOT you being a HO...

You stated the term "**". Can u imagine a person opening a discussion with you by beginning by casting that slur, that label, in reference to you?

If you would like to have a discussion with me, then I would appreciate you speaking respectfully.

God bless,



Here is some scripture:

Psalm 15:1-4 (New International Version)

Psalm 15
A psalm of David.
1 LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
Who may live on your holy hill?

2 He whose walk is blameless
and who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from his heart

3 and has no slander on his tongue,
who does his neighbor no wrong
and casts no slur on his fellowman,

I would HATE for you to be treated like one..I'm saying that out of care and consideration for you 'cause it is AWFUL to be treated that way...

MM,

I appreciate you are not thinking you cast the slur at me directly... but I would appreciate you removing that term... and not using it at all.

Please edit the remark and remove it out of consideration for how I perceive it as inappropriate to a mutually respectful discussion.

God bless.

I stand on my opinion that your X would be treating you that way and that that does not describe who you are. I will not edit my post.

I will not say it again, though. Already been said.

It would not work for us to talk anyways if I can't be free to say how I feel.

I'm not going to call you any names but I will give my opinions.

Hi MM,

You are more than free to talk about your H and yourself and to declare that you have been treated like whatever and express your feelings about your own situation.

However, I cannot agree to allow you to project your feelings onto me and my situation without feeling that to be a trespass.

I've never forgotten what a teacher said in drivers ed.

He said that one must look out for other drivers on the road... not merely watch what one is doing.

He said that even if you choose to do something that you think is right... if it intersects with another driver... don't press the issue... especially on the basis of being right.

When you are on the road... you may be right. But when you crash into another driver... you may find yourself "dead right".

The collision may kill someone.

I've never forgotten it.

I'm not saying whether or not you are "right" from your own point of view.

I am saying that your feelings - and how you have expressed them - have collided with my personal relationships.

This thread, so far, has been about the practice of disrespectful judgments.

You are not free to say how you feel... if and when it intersects with someone else who is harmed and injured by what you say... imo.

That's the difference between being right, having rights, and "dead right"... or disrespectful judgment.

If you have something valuable to say... it would be a shame if you were not heard because you wrapped something valuable in disrespectful judgments and did not care enough to be considerate of others.

God bless

Mimi did not label you as anything nor is her comment a slur.

It's a simile.

It is used as a negative comparison to show how this would damage any respect you XH has for you and can be damaging to your self-respect.

Ok, Back.

back,

Weren't your posts edited by Justuss when you were calling posters "pr1cks"?

How was that respectful?

You certainly have a double standard.

committed

mimi, just so you know, back is really extremely defensive and only seems to want it her way or no way. many have offered there opinions (as she is posting on the after divorce/dating board and i am not sure why since she bashes all of us over there for getting divorced and having the nerve to date after the divorce. she is telling all of us over there that god will not sanctify any second marriages for us,that we either reconcile with our exes or remain alone...) and probably 99% of those who have posted to her she has been very rude to. in the over 2 years i have been here i have never put a user on ignore, but i have back on ignore because she has been down right nasty.

you tried mimi, i'd not waste anymore oxygen on it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

mlhb

Hi,

MM, on the basis of her own value judgments and beliefs, has projected her values and beliefs onto my situation.

My values and beliefs are different from MM's. I do not agree with the "spin".

Now, a pro-abortion person defines abortion as a woman's right.

A pro-life person defines abortion as murder.

How one views and defines abortion depends on one's values and beliefs.

MM's beliefs about the permanence of marriage define how she views my WS and me... and how she presumes my WS would be "treating me"... and her judgments - to me - are inaccurate due to my different values and beliefs regarding the permanence of covenant.

She may speak for herself.

She may not speak into my situation accurately... imo... based on her own paradigm... making such judgments.

She has every right to believe what she wants to believe for herself.

But she doesn't have the right to project those things onto my WS and me... when I object... if she has respect for me.

Yes, this thread is about respect.

And as you can see... respect is important to me.

She is worried that I will be treated disrespectfully... and blindly permit such abuse by my WS?

That's not going to happen.

I don't "go along" with disrespect. My WS was "blown out of the water"... when his disrespect resulted in me completely shutting down... and rejecting him.

God bless,

I hear you guys... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

This is the MOST IMPORTANT PART of what I said...

I did not go onto a thread by you... and project my values and beliefs onto you.

I stated my own situation... in which my values and beliefs are mine to apply.

I don't "go along" with disrespect. My WS was "blown out of the water"... when his disrespect resulted in me completely shutting down... and rejecting him.

So...he was blown out of the water and you really showed him, didn't you?

You are DIVORCED and you don't want to be. Exactly how is THAT showing him???

You cut off your nose to spite your face and you are not happy with the choices that you made.

This is one of those insane RUN BUNNY RUN scenarios...isn't it?

Or else...some bridge collapsed and the Billy Goats Gruff set someone to steppin'.

committed

You are free to institute a Plan B forever if you ever find yourself in my exact situation.

It's your life, your relationship, and your decision.

However, instituting a permanent Plan B is not the path God has for me in my situation.

Just a point of order, Back.

You continue to use the nomenclature "WH" when referring to your former husband. The accurate term to be used is: XH or EXH

God Bless,
Jo

What exactly are you saying?

I instituted a Plan B when my WS wanted me to institute a Plan A.

I was not going to Plan A in an atmosphere of disrespect.

Now that I have Plan B'd... I will see if he is prepared to Plan A.

I will not Plan A in a disrespectful situation.

I see no true regard or concern for me in your comments... but rather you appearing to feel a need to express hostility.