The only time I can recall being depressed in years was this Saturday... as the result of attacks on this board.

I'm super positive... all the time... usually.

The depressive side doesn't exist in me.

I'm not a typical personality... and you don't really know what you're talking about.

That's why people peg me to lead... and I become the most popular person present... in social groups... in the real world.

I've been on here cause I'm coming out of withdrawal to deal with this relationship!!!!

Go on the panic attack thread. Check it out.

You'll see that psychiatrists state that is normal to experience this in these dynamics with ex's/betrayal, etc. as well as adjustment to divorce, etc.

It's normal.

It's the situations.

Bless you... but it's also a great way to put someone down.

yep, you pegged it, MrW.

sorry, mel, mr & mrs. w.... I think this person is playing the board...I understand your experience with this type of personality, but I see more intentional deception than anything else. I see a liar and manipulator that is just having sport with us.

Back...

I believe that you would really enjoy reading a couple of books written by a highly intelligent professor of psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University...Her name is Kay Redfield Jameson, she has Bipolar Disorder herself, the books are Touched With Fire and An Unquiet Mind...Btw, I don't doubt for a second that you are HIGHLY intelligent, EXTREMELY engaging and UBER successful-I'm certain that I would really like you...People with Bipolar Disorder are WONDERFUL people...Again, please don't take my words to you as insults...Please know that isn't how they are intended AT ALL...

I've seen firsthand the devastation that the illness can cause though and I urge you to at least get on some low dosage meds...I do understand that you function at a higher level than most people and that meds would likely make you feel as though you'd lost your edge...If nothing else I say gets through, will you at least read the books I recommended? I know that you've said that you enjoy reading...I think you'd really like them...There's another that I happened to personally love that is written in novel format and is by an M.D....It's so good that mental health professionals are given CE credits for reading it...It's called Fly Me to the Moon by H.E. Logue, M.D....I wish you well Back...

Mrs. W

MEDC...

I completely understand how it appears to you...It would appear that way to almost all that had never dealt with it up close and personal...People with Bipolar disorder are VERY cunning and fool even some of the most savvy mental health professionals...Some of why I know I can't even put into words, I just know...On a really deep, even painful, level I know...

Mrs. W

I'm sure, Melody and others, if we wanted to exaggerate and attack any of you... we could find a way to stereotype you too.

It's not all that unusual to die of a heart attack... esp. past 60. People die of them much younger. It's often related to cholesterol and heart disease... smoking, diet, exercise and hereditary medical issues. I think that's mostly it.

If you'd like to ask my children... they don't have the issues with me you seem to have with your FIL or parents.

The phd I saw... I told much more than I've told you... told him much, much more. And he doesn't agree with you. The first one didn't even think it was worth my money to see him more than once because he read my personality on the first visit. But I saw him, I think, 3 more times anyway cause I have good insurance and value their insights. I wanted to pick his brain and learn from him.


Mr. & Mrs. W... other than your errors here... you probably have a ministry here.

However, a lot of these people are unhealthy... for long periods of time... and that's why they are here, imo.

The most dysfunctional type personalities... live too long... in pcland.

Though I've seen really good posts also.

Nope... I will remain unique.

Call me an ugly duckling cause I won't conform. I didn't come here to have people demand I conform to their social group.

I don't want to.

Will stay just the way I am.. in overall personality. Just want to be able to fully express that personhood and walk in the Spirit in relation to the ex.

That's the only person I have panic attack towards... but for good reason... shared by many.

And it's a very touchy subject.

The worst thing a person can do when a person opens up and is experiencing that... is try to take control... tell them what to do or how to think.

It's a lack of assertiveness at the root.

So a wounded person is hypersensitive, sometimes overaggressive, sometimes can be crushed and further wounded by harshness.

Quiet sensitivity and listening without judging is what helps.

But there are other agendas at work here on this board.

Back,

We understand.

Prayers to you.

Mr. and Mrs. Wondering

I honestly think you have a ministry here, Mr and Mrs. W. I think your hearts are right. That's my opinion.

I didn't want to see anymore comments from mkeverydycount or whatever.

No, I came here because I've read most of Dr. Harley's books.

I've sought for quite a long time to overcome panic attacks relative the ex. I have not been successful... and that's the reason why we don't have a relationship today.

I wanted help.

I needed help.

I qualify... if a person has half a heart for the Lord, imo.

But less than half... no, I don't.

And the self-appointed "drive people off the board" attacker.. *********** or whatever... who took this thread and made into his own private witch hunt... calling others "on board"... obscured the purpose...

I wanted to overcome panic attacks... and from Dr. Harley's books... I know he understands them to great degree. Mine are so cripplingly overwhelming... I'm what he terms an "electric fence personality"... EFP... you could have correctly diagnosed me as that... solely in relation to matters relating to the ex.

That's, actually, the explanation for my behavior on this board.

I can't really help it. I try. But I can't. I've tried to overcome it for years.

And I came here for help.

*edit******
what if you're wrong?

Well... oops.

Wrong again.

Cya.

funny, But I thought I have been on ignore for days.

Hi,

Nope... sorry. Read up on Hypomania. I am both extremely outgoing and very analytical.

For example, I wasn't sure what career path to choose due to both characteristics in my personality. I considered Computer Network Engineer... because I liked the analytical side of things. I also considered Sales. In both careers, I could make a good wage.

I went with sales... and combine my sales with my analytical side by working in a field (no, I'm not telling what I do) in which there is incredible need for complex knowledge.

So, I have the skill of sales ability plus technical know-how.

I do not make quick or impromptu decisions. Nor do I make up my mind quickly. I need to know all the facts. (Analytical side.) I will not leap before looking. If asked to make a decision before knowing all the facts, I will say "no". I do not like to spend money. I do not like to do things impromptu.

When it comes to scripture and things of that nature... I am very analytical.

I abhor, actually, the leaning towards the Holy Spirit that is not founded on the Word.

Yet, I have a very close relationship with the Lord, imo... and can discern the inward witness of the Holy Spirit.

I am very careful that I am guided by both the Word and the Spirit. If I don't know what is right... I will search, search, search the scripture.

Even then, I test the Holy Spirit to make sure I am sensing or knowing that I am walking in peace.

At meetings, when something is presented... I am a "hard sell". I look for what is the downside for my clients as well as the upside. I am very particular to know exactly what is properly suited. Requires much analytical skill.

Much of my selling skill and relationship building is the art of listening... nonjudgmentally... and caring sincerely.

Am I a ton of fun? Oh yeah.

I am very strong on the analytical side as well as the people skill side.

I don't get caught up in "hypomania". I look for errors. I look for exceptions. And I am aware that I may have blind spots.

Now, when experiencing pain... we all move into different pain-induced behaviors.

So, if I am going to "open up a wound"... if I am going to open up my heart... yes, that's when everyone is going to manifest things not common to their general character.

I absolutely do have panic attacks relative to my ex. It has been a longstanding weakness. Most weaknesses that I have turn to strength because I actively and connectedly draw upon the Lord's strength.

However, I am not assertive in relation to my ex. I am extremely defensive... my spirit has been crushed... I am in withdrawal in relation to him... and I love him very dearly.

All things are exaggerated due to the painful situation and , also, because I am a very empathetic person. This, too, causes me to be more susceptible.

And when pain is present, a person is going to have lower capacity of impulse control. We react when our pain is touched.

Had my ex been cooperative... of course I could have come right out of it. However, that's not the hand I was dealt. Therefore, my challenge is much greater.

Some are not capable of supporting others as they process through hurt and pain. When people attack a person - or judge a person - or evaluate them, etc., etc. harshly criticize... it's so counterproductive.

With so many ***********... or that are moved by him... or share the "Let's get on the thread and just judge this person... label them, stereotype them, criticize what they say, harshly judge... etc., etc... " there's not an atmosphere for the Holy Spirit to work unopposed.

When people come onto a thread for a person experiencing struggle... and aren't here to support, listen nonjudgmentally, and calmly speak... out of like compassion and identification with a person... it's a waste of time.

It creates too much of an uphill battle. Trying to address attack when one is wounded is completely out of character with a goal of progress.

It would be nice if this were an atmosphere where people were truly safe. But when vigilantes attack... and people think it's appropriate to make negative comments to one another like they are in the peanut gallery... as they hijack a thread in a completely negative manner... it's just beyond.

And that they don't know enough not to do that... and act like it's "okay" to sit and make observations and talk about people... never mind.

How people cannot see that this was not a thread about them... and it wasn't appropriate to join it to talk about me (gossip and attack) rather than to me in a positive way... is just a really bad testimony.

I stayed up late tonite... and I'm putting this baby to bed. There are better paths than this to take for the Lord to work.

**************edit***********

again, I thought I was on ignore.

If nobody clips and pastes quotes *********... I won't be able to see those comments. *****************EDIT***************** I'd appreciate people not clipping and posting his remarks.

I'm no longer looking for support on this thread. I don't believe people are strong enough in the Lord, or whatever, not to be blown about by the wind and Satan's attack against me.

Nonetheless, I'm going to share my story... in part - not details... as a testimony.

I have something to say of the Lord's work in my life.

God is working on the inside of me... and I'm going to tell you how and by what means - as I see it - in case it helps someone else.

I experienced incredible panic attacks and what felt like "total collapse" on the inside of me. I lost the ability to relate to my ex - grossly and deeply offended. I truly love him.

I was looking at his sin. As the "emotional hit" the attack of Satan through that sin came through the lense of my perception emotionally... the collapse occurred. And, like many others, I believed that dissolution of the bond was an option for me.

After a period of time, very quickly it seems to me, his sin was all I could see... so deeply and grossly offended. And this determined my emotional response, I am beginning to believe. Crippling paralysis. Sin was all I could see... hurt and pain was all I could feel... I could not function. I completely shut down on the inside of me and lost capacity, imo, to "walk in the Light"... in relation to my ex.

The practical level of our bond WAS interrupted. I can't say completely broken... because, to me, it still existed within each of us... I am really quite solidly beginning to believe.

My beliefs have changed. I've come to believe that the Lord is not going to honor any subsequent relationship. (If I'm wrong... I'll find out.)

My "fight" on the inside of me has met with the defeat of what I formerly believed, is what I'm thinking. I now see my ex as my only source of happiness. This has changed something inside of me.

It's like I have a growing conviction inside of me that "raging against the machine"... is going to get me nowhere. I have no other options. If God will not change the bond... fighting it is futile. I "know this"... on the inside not intellectually... not emotionally... but by the Holy Spirit working inside of me as I have studied the Word and recognized my situation... practical facts in attempts to "bond" elsewhere by the Spirit... for me... have failed. I feel convinced it is because it is the Lord Himself showing me.