anyone willing to give me advice on my last post? or even encouragement. Honest is much appreciated!

So, does he know that you are moving back home?

Was that made clear?

They pretty much all say the same things. Don't let it worry you. You are still in a better position to work on the marriage if you are living together. It will probably be you doing all the work; that's just how it seems to go when one partner cheats and the other is faithful. The betrayed partner has to do all the work.

Miss, I like your post. I'm in a similar situation where hope is fading. I like your approach about the hurt, and that it hurts less to know the truth and to agree that you will take two separate routes.

Good luck!

Bellevue-
No, he does not know that I am planning to move back home yet.That is where I am a bit confused. Do I tell him I am or just do it? I think I should tell him cuz I HATE dishonesty more than anything and I feel like that would be dishonest.
I am thinking that when I do move back in, he will move out and stay with his brother who is encouraging the divorce.
Also, I felt for him the way he feels for me right now. only for me, I did not persue anything. Not to say I would not have but I didn't. He would leave me love notes in my lunchbox and I did not care, he was trying even tho his feelings for me had faded quite a bit and that he knew I just did not care.
We both agree there were problems but he never told me what he thought the problems were and vice versa. Then, our daughter died suddenly and everything stopped. now the world is moving again and our roles have done a total swap.
I am willing to do all the work but I do not want to suffocate him either.

miss, the best way to do this is to just go home. Move home and tell him when you get there you are there to stay. There is no reason to have any more relationship talks or delays. Just move home. Don't tell him you are coming until you are moved back in. Don't make this harder than it has to be.

JUST GO HOME!

melodyLane-
I am so scared tho. Have you known people that have done this? what was the outcome? short term and long term. were there children involved?

We have been telling ppl to do this FOR YEARS. The WS is always angry at first and then calms down. You can't let your FEAR drive the boat here, miss. Just go home and stop overthinking this. This does not have to be so complicated. Yes, he will be mad. Yes, he may move out. Either result will be better than the present situation.

Yep, as long as you are out, it is easier to continue his AFFAIR. Don't expect him to want you home. Don't expect his family to want you home. Just go home.

I would move back home first before you enlist you IL's support

Thank you for your insight. I do still have a concern tho, in MN it is a "no fault" state and also a 50/50 state. If divorce goes thru there is NO WAY I can afford our house, or to buy him out. Neither one of us wants to lose that house cuz of all the memories of Nattie. But...until Natties case is done, we are both BROKE!
Okay I'm gonna do it. I THINK. be brave, right? Next week sometime. Wish me luck and I will keep you posted.
Always blessings, Never losses
God bless

Well, you can worry about that when it happens. Why are you both so broke? Can you get a job outside the home?

And explain to me why hubby should be living in the house while you and your son are OUT.

It is a little complicated. If you have the time I would LOVE to explain it all.

Go for it.

Okay...here we go...
I am a stylist at a small salon and work part time no benefits.My paychecks are not much but help pay off old debt from the stupid credit card years,phone bill,daycare,auto ins. All the little stuff. My WH would pay the mtg,heat,utilities.All the big stuff. My WH works shift work so we decided it would be best if I work around his schedule to limit daycare. Also, we wanted to be the ones raising our children. WH would work lots of over time to use as "fun money" like movies,dinner,etc.
When our daughter died in May, neither one of us were ready to go back to work till just in Sept. So, no paycheck from me, my WH has benefits but then there was no Over time either. We had to miss our mtg. pmt. 2 months to pay for lawyer,therapy,and all the funeral expenses that were not covered by family help. Since we had not paid our house pmt. in over 2 months, it was sent to a lawyer to start the forclosure process. We had to pay almost $8,000.00 for house,and additional fees. When I got back to work, I had a hard time dealing with things still. Not quite ready to go back I guess. As far as my WH goes, his therapist has not signed off on him doing over time shifts yet. He still has alot of panic attacs. Some still at work.(that is where he was when I called him to tell him Nattie took LOTS of pills)
So...savings is wiped out,No overtime,and oh yeah...almost forgot...I was just fired 2 wks ago. sooo...that leaves us with over $1,000 less than what we are used to per month. I already had another job lined up but it does not start till Jan.2nd. The new salon is still under construction.WHEEEEW. Did ya get all that? I know it is alot all at once but it would not make sense if I did a short version.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I love to share. I can only learn from all this right?
Always blessings,Never losses

I moved out cuz I could not handle being in the house knowing that OW had been there and seen all of Nattie's things the way they were the day she died. Natalie's things are a very private thing for me.
You are right tho.Why IS my WH still there and not me and our son??DUH!guess I don't really have an answer to that. I will think about it tho.

missalot please forgive me if you've answered this...are you (and/or) your H in grief counseling? The lost of a child is devastating and would naturally bring to a head anything and everything that is wrong in the M.

Is the OW still in the picture?

I pray for you that your moving home and Plan A'ing your H will give you positve results.

mvg-
yes. both my H and I are in greif counceling. He still sees our old therapist and I do not agree with her technique. LOOOONNNNGGG story. so I have been dealing with SEVERE PTSD and seeing a specialist in the Trauma feild for the PTSD. I go to see him again today. I also see one of the best greif councelers in the state.
I do not think the OW is still in the picture. I exposed the A to their workplace. However, she does still work there. So I am just waiting for it to start up again.

miss, the problem in your marriage is that your H cannot withdraw from the OW as long as he works with her.

Why are you waiting to move home? Is there a reason you can't do this today?

lots of reasons I can not move home today. I have to go to therapy at 11 and that is 1 hour away. Then I have to go to the beauty supply store in that same area to pick up my order for the new salon. I will be back in my area around 5 to pick up my son. Then it is the nightly routine, dinner,bath,book,bedtime. Tomorrow I have an ultrasound(checking for endometriosis) appt. that is 1 hour away as well in the afternoon. Sat. I have to go dress shopping with a bride cuz I am in her wedding in March and need a dress also. So I could do Sun or Mon.
always blessings, never losses
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