Did you register just for the purpose of making a reply on this thread?

Your very first post is saying that finding out if there is an affair going on is not important and may actually be damaging to the marriage.

This is what you registered for. to say this?

Even the quote you quoted from an earlier posters negates what you just said.


Telling Sympatico not to find out what is going on with neighbor man could cause his wife to end up in a full fledged affair. Do you realize that?

His wife is in the fog, and so is he, and his marriage is in serious trouble.

Hes wife volunteered to take a lie detector test. Probably a smoke screen to get him off her back. She doesn't want to stop hanging out with neighbor man, and she doesn't want to quit drinking, and she doesn't want to work on the marriage. And she doesn't care if he is SLOWLY LOSING HIS MIND AND ABILITY TO SEE THINGS CLEARLY.

Classic wayward mentality.

uh oh

What JJ said. I was thinking the exact same thing. He needs to know what he is dealing with to be able to identify how to proceed. He hasn't eliminated LB's and how can anyone say he is meeting his wifes EN's if she won't take the survey to identify her top 5.

I don't know that it is appropriate for anyone to start dishing out advice on their first post when they aren't even providing any situational information to let folks know where all of their wisdom is coming from.

Who

Josie,

I believe you are correct on why he initally came to this site.

Yet he also has big concerns on trying to bring out this affair. Like other posters have said, without any concrete evidence you should not bust her out.

She said she was willing to take the test, which if she is found not to be cheating. She will be pushed to far, and probably will want a Divorce.

I think hes asking mainly for help on getting his W to open up and communicate to him why this marriage is not working for her.

1# goal is: He should try to make himself happy, so that his W will see this, and value him more.

Yep.

Sympatico, or whoever you are this week.

I'm sorry, I've supported you in the past and even offered (in the beginning) to meet you on my trip to talk, but you've been jerking us around the whole time.

I've followed your thread on at least 2 boards, with you using numerous different usernames. You have also been known to create false accounts to answer your own posts. You don't want to hear this, but in my present situation, I don't do "DECEIT" well.

Is hugsandkisses really you??? Again!!! I bet, YES!!!

Seriously, man, you've got HUGE issues that have NOTHING to do with your W. ...and FWIW, I believe like most of those here that your W IS having an affair with the neighbor.

If you all have paid attention from the beginning, it likely started as an EA, then possibly progressed to a PA, but my guess is the OM is trying to distance himself from her, but she won't let him.

Of course, she has NO respect for you, because I don't think you have any respect for yourself, or you wouldn't still be here wallowing, and answering your own posts, and asking the same questions over and over and over, many months later.

GET THE DAMN LIE DETECTOR TEST ... LET IT GO ... OR GET A DIVORCE, but DO SOMETHING, and quit misleading these people.

You KNOW the truth, but you won't admit it to yourself, so you keep bumping along looking for an answer that will never come, all the while REFUSING to do the things that will provide the PROOF. So as long as you don't do anything, you don't have to face anything.

Write me out of your drama.

WhoMe,

The wisdom is coming from that I was in the same situation as he is in now.

My H I thought was cheating on me. I tried the keylogger,hiring a PI, etc.. to find out the truth. I finally took the advice of other people to try to meet his EM needs, and to follow the LBs to the best of my abilities.

He refused to do the EM questionaire, and see a MC. So I did what I had to do to try to get this marriage to work.

Nothing happened, so I was convinced to have a lie detecter done to see if he was cheating? I agreed to it.

Well surprise surprise he was not cheating. It got us to the point where he resented me for everything in our marriage. It drove him away from me. He moved out and filed for divorce.

I will never forgive myself for what I did to break up our marriage.

Thats why I wouldnt do it until he has concrete evidence.

There are several things that you have mentioned that could be a potental red flag but this statement was the one that hit me. I put myself in your wifes shoes and thought what would I do if I found a condom wrapper in the front yard? After I stopped gagging I would have picked it up with a paper towel and threw it in the trash. Then I would let my husband know NOT because I "know" how he thinks but because I would be concerned about how it got there and what if one of our kids found it. Your wifes thought wasn't concern over it being there it was what would you think if you found it in the trash. Why?

hugsandkisses
Welcolm to the MB forum. I'm sure you have your own story to tell, but giving out such horrible advise to another newbie here can be catastophic.

It's apparent that you have not heeded the advise of the forum administrators, that you first read everything on the main website regarding MB priciples and so forth.

No problem, lots of people make the same mistake.
So let's set the record staight, OK?

It is absolutely critical that sypatico find out the real truth of whether his W is involved in an A or not! Whithout that knowledge, he will not have any clue as to what plan he should be in. Plan A, Plan B, whatever.....

You very much sound to me to be a WS who has not revealed your infidelity to your BS as of yet. It seems like you are trying to justify that secret .

I apologize if I am all wet with this, but my gut instinct says otherwise.

Please do some more reading on the Main website first. It's awesome knowledge that can help immensely.

All Blessings,
Jerry

I was thinking the same thing....putting the pieces together as we speak.

H&K,

My point and comment to you is that you don't even know the meaning of the terms here.

LB'a are love busters that withdraw love from ones love bank and are to be avoided. Translation: SOMETHING TO BE AVOIDED.

The difference in Sym's situation is that his wife OFFERED to take a polygraph. If he is really concerned that his wife is cheating (don't overlook the issue with the condom) then he should take her up on her offer.

No one here can make anyone do anything. He can choose to believe that his wife is not having either a EA or PA, but that won't make it true.

As far as your marriage goes, if you think having your husband take a polygraph was the sole reason your marriage ended, you really are clueless.

I have to agree with myrev. here, folks here who have managed to recover their marriages give their time, heart and soul to help those in need and it is a bit disheartening to be jecked around by people who are merely here out of boredom.

Who

Rev,

Who are you to say that Im this Sympatico? I have no idea what you are saying or getting across.

I may be new on this board, but I only site the truth from my experiences. That is why Im here. I need help on how to get over what I did.

Give me a break. Im hurting right now, and you so call are saying im this Guy.

I thought this website was suppose to help people?

Thanks for the info WR. Why even post a response here if all the above you say is true? I have not and will never stoop to the level of creating a second account to answer my own questions. That would defeat the whole purpose of coming here for help.

I NEED HELP AND THAT IS WHY I CAME HERE. Maybe I have some form of unusual denial or a overwhelming desire to believe my wife, I don't know.

But the bottom line is that need others opinions and input to help me figure this out.

You have your opinion and thats great. But if it bothers you that much and you think all those things of me, then please don't waste your time in posting any responses.

Thanks

All WS's are liars...most get very skilled at it.
Most will try and make the BS feel like they are crazy before there is indisputable proof. Even with lots of proof they will deny. Trust your gut on that. You aren't crazy. Her behavior does not add up.

Inform the OMW of all of your suspicions today...including the inappropriate 1 1/2 hour recent visit without her being home.

Tell the OMW that, because of your suspicions, and the potential or real risk of their 'friendship' to your marriage('s), you will have to cancel the couples get together this weekend..and any further contact between the two families...forever. Do not take this lightly.

Listen to JJ and other posters. You should have jumped right on her offer to do a lie detector...I think she wouldn't have gone through with it because it was all part of her ruse...but I would have tried.

You are not crazy.

You should be in a good plan A.

Get OMW in on this today so she can also be keeping an eye on things and you can compare notes.

(My H tried to say he was only friends with OW...it went on for many months...I thought I was going crazy...I lost lots of weight...etc. etc. I informed OWH. They divorced...because, I think, he believed her saying she had found her soulmate (my H). We stayed together. Their affair lasted on and off for FOUR YEARS)

Stop being weak...MAN UP...get a back bone. Listen and act.
You've been wasting precious time.

It is worth fixing your marriage...if only for your kids sake and doing the right thing.

Are you going to answer that proposition or ignore it?

Perhaps you bit off more than you can chew on this forum.

All Blessings,
Jerry

OH, and remain calm and centered in your communications with your wife...Come from a place of love. Do not LB and raise your voice.

Whome,

You think Im clueless on how my marriage ended.

Well he told me and the attorneys that he wanted this divorce due to me giving him a lie dectector test based on me not believing in him. He told me that he was so resentful that I would believe he was lying. That honesty is the most important thing to him in a marriage.

Secondly, Im not here for boredom. Im here like everyone else. To get advice and to give advice.

Some of you people here are very smug. Everyone has there own opinions, so get over it, you are not God...

Trust in a relationship is something you EARN, not DEMAND. If he was truly committed to your M, he should have addressed the reasons why you didn't trust him, rather than demand that you do.

Well despite all the negative connitations from other posters, I am in sincere appreciation for the responses and recommendations that you all have given me.

And I want to ensure everyone on this board that I am only one person, not a duplicate that answers my own questions.

I came here for help.

I am in agreement with everyones suspicion that my W IS involved in EA/PA. Reality hit me like a brick last pm when she told me that I was psychotic and needed professional counseling. In addition, she agreed that our marriage is over, nothing is left (big LB, I know).

Tomorrow I am going over to the OM/OMW home (unannounced) and communicate my suspicions and concerns and ask for NC.

I hope that my suspicions are not unfounded and I don't end up wiping egg off my face and appear as a total jerk, jealous BS!

My plan -

Hi, can I speak to you both in private?

(enter house)

My W and I are having some difficulty for other reasons, but mainly because of the relationship that she has with you (OM) and the straw that broke the camels back was the day that she spent an hour and a half over here with you with your wife being absent.

Request that NC be made immediately.

Should I also say that it is not my intention to cause problems in other peoples marriage, but these are my concerns?

Please advise, I am on pins and needles! And my stomach is in BAD shape!

S-
Keep working on the plan A. Have you read about this? OM will probably act like you are crazy for having suspicions and the affair will go further underground. Your wife will be angry, spiteful and vitriolic toward you and say all sorts of hateful things. If they really are having an affair it would be good to know for sure so that you don't buy into the rationalizations that are sure to follow.