Amen. Good post, rprynne.

So which is it Mel? People need to take responsibility for their own decisions to leave? Or they can be bullied and badgered and forced off? Or is there one set of standards for your friends, and another set for everyone else?

Yes. Back in October Dr. Harley and Jennifer were on the radio program with a woman in a 9 year marriage that began as adultry. He also said he counseled several other marriages that began as adultry.

SC, do you read? mel clearly said it was his choice to leave and that she did not blame you. You certainly are trying to be manipulative on this thread SC.

You know what changed my mind about an affairage? Not the Bible, not the folks who help them here, not even my own adultrous engagement/sentence in ******...

The people here who are caused pain by them...Jo, Appy, Graycloud...People I love and cherish....

I cannot imagine that a marriage would cause so much unbelievalbe pain could be a good thing. And coming here whilst in one and not expecting to get slammed...I don't know...unholy.

Someone who is in an afairage who has repented would be of such a humble nature, that believe me, they would not get slammed here.

I didn't, but I was so friggen broken and humbled, there probably wasn't too much mistaking my motives.

I'll just stay away from those posters now, out of respect for the people here who are bothered by them. Right or wrong, that is MY stance. FWIW

HOWEVER, with that said, I am grateful as a human being who cares about ALL people that there are people like JL and Ark who are able to help them. I am so very grateful that they have not been visited by adultry that they can remain NEUTRAL.

"Two words: JOHNNYMAC. A betrayed spouse who came here in the depths of despair who was RUN OFF by *YOU*."

I'm sorry, MEDC. Was there a different way to interpret that?

BTW MEDC, JOHNNYMAC cheated first, just so you know. I don't necessarily think that matters, but haven't I seen you post that once one spouse cheats, the BS has the right to do the same (not those word exactly, but sentiment to that effect)?

Hello MB'ers.

Wow. Obviously I never ever thought my post would cause all of this.

I wonder if anyone can understand how truly bizarre it is to have your life dissected, debated, and judged by a whole bunch of strangers? Its so strange. But I suppose that is always possible if you post your story in an open forum.

I am realizing that some of this debate has little to nothing to do with me, but seems to have been something building up between members for a long time coming? I don't have the history here and have only been reading posts for a couple of weeks so I had no idea.

I feel really bad for starting all of this. I feel even worse to any BS's whose feelings I have hurt.

I don't really see any use in coming forward with any more information about my history here. It seems I will only enrage some more people.

I will just say now what I really wanted to say the first time. Maybe I should have just said this and not posted my story. Anyway, here it goes:

To any BS who is struggling in a plan A, please don't give up. Please DO expose and do the steps people are suggesting here. Don't back down from your position. The fog is a true phenomenon and your WS will say awful things to you...but the TRUTH will prevail if you are diligent. Once your WS comes out of the fog, it is imperitive that you line out a recovery plan and stick to it. They will not recover fully with no plan in place. The may sincerely try and want to recover, but if you two go back to your old routine and don't face your issues together as a team, they will go wayward again.

To anyone who is thinking of having an A, please don't do it. It will destroy your life.

As for my current relationship...I did not know him before I separated from my husband. I met him 6 months later. This is adultery in the sense that I was still legally married so I won't try to deny that - - however, I know people are thinking I actually knew him before I left my ex-h and I did not.

I am doing my best this time. I know I did not do my best last time. I blew it. I will never blow it again. There is no reason for anyone to believe me, especially if you are just judging me as wayward still and in fog. But I know in my heart that I feel differently, I act differently, and I have now recovered. I wish I had recovered in time for my marriage to work, but I did not.

My ex-husband hates me now and has nothing to do with me. I can't blame him for that.

However, he did have his part in all of this. I have not pointed out the ways he failed me and us, and I won't. Firstly, because there is no point in me discussing that here and it wouldn't be fair to him for me to air his issues publicly. And secondly, I would only sound to some of you like I was fog-speaking.

But ... there really are two people contributing to a couple's problems...

If one of them goes wayward, there is still no excuse. But that does not mean the BS was completely innocent in the relationship problems.

I will back out as gracefully as possible now. I have not read all the posts but have read many. To be sure, it was a learning experience and I did take away some new lessons.

For those of you who granted me any kindness or compassion, thank you again. For those of you I may have hurt, I apologize.

Thanks,
SD

SC, it is YOU who asserts that others are responsible for "running off" others. When will you be taking responsibility for running off JOHNNYMAC? You accuse and condemn others of doing that, what about YOU?

Do you know what the definition of hypocrite is?

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)hyp·o·crite /ˈhɪpəkrɪt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[hip-uh-krit]

–noun 1. a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, esp. a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.
2. a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, esp. one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements.

Yes, SC there are two ways to interpret that. One is the literal sense...two was the sarcastic way in which it was meant. Since Mel made it clear in the rest of her post that the man made his decision to go and that YOU really didn't have the power to run him off if he wanted to stay.

Read it again.

I gave my answer. Now I would like to hear YOURS. Which is it? What is your answer in regard to JOHNNYMAC?

Do you know what the definition of hypocrite is?

MelodyLane?

I'm waiting for your explanation.....

hy·poc·ri·sy

Key - –noun, plural -sies. 1. a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles, etc., that one does not really possess.

No, it is not the type of reception I received. I'm not opining on the type of reception recieved by SD. Its a lose-lose proposition. My opinion was that we can argue all day about the type of reception, at some point the poster seeking help has got to push through.


Yes, I would. And yes, I have pretty thick skin.


I do. Found that out the hard way.


I can only take your word for whether you would have stuck around or not. It is an untestable hypothesis at this point in time. Did you use the word "probably" on purpose? I tend to think that even with a rough reception you would have continued on. I say this because from what I've observed, when others have been tough with you, you continue to keep seeking answers.


I can't speak for JL and I don't view this as the same thing as being "run off". But IMHO, the high level answer is the same. I have made the decision in the past to leave for a time, and I can tell you why I did it. The benefit was no longer worth the cost.

When I say people really want help or are ready to recieve it, I mean that do they value that benefit very highly. Sometimes, and with some posters, we charge them a very high cost to recieve that benefit. (I don't know why as a community we price discriminate, but we do). But I'm just not sold on the solution that we lower the costs. i.e. change the community.

Let me ask this. If SD comes back and wades through all this, considers everyone's opinions, follows some advice, agrees to disagree on others, don't you think she will eventually get help from this message board?

SD, it's really not clear from your first post WHY you posted to begin with. For a NEWBIE to publish ADVICE or ENCOURAGEMENT in their FIRST post (if that's what you call the last line of your post) to other MB'ers going through PLAN A is suspect to say the least. And NOW you're sorry?

Honestly? I say mission accomplished. I think you did exactly what you set out to do.

What's suspect? A newbie publishing advice or encouragement?

Princess meggie, this was the first line of your first post on MB:


Or is it just miserable WSs who are not supposed to encourage BS's to do Plan A?

For the love of Pete, now we're telling people how they ought to post on their very first post. I have officially gone insane.

And this:
Are you truly saying that this whole brouhaha was SD's fault? That she SET OUT to do this?

Pfft.

PK

Yes. And when I posted MY first post I expected people to be suspicious and if you'll notice I ALWAYS said I didn't do things the MB way. But I didn't RUN away. I continued to post. I am ALWAYS suspicious of new posters because of the trolls we've had on here... I don't care if they're a BS or a WS.

Are you saying that you take every post at face value right off the bat? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Not me. I've been burned before.

And yes. I believe that's exactly what SD set out to do. I felt it when I read her 1st post and again when I read her last post.

Pff <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Here's the thing SD, the advice you give above is sound...Why won't YOU take your own advice? The man you are currently with IS your adultery partner...That's a fact...technically, legally, biblically...whatever you wish to use...It started as adultery and is STILL adultery...There is no statute of limitations that somehow magically makes adultery okay with the passage of time...You wouldn't necessarily even have been separated from your husband if it hadn't been for your adulteries...And instead of changing, you go out and commit some more adultery...That doesn't make sense to me and does NOT sound at all repentant...

See you wouldn't have gotten the responses that you did if you had posted about your PAST and your willingness to change and turn from your old ways...But you are continuing your ways PRESENTLY...Don't you see that???

So your advice seems pretty disingenuous to say the least...A "do as I say not as I do" lament...You get that, right?

Mrs. W

And next time, could ya spell my name right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Well we may disagree, PM, but I cannot deny that you have style. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

PK