Sheryl - Let the beautiful woman in you come out! I know she's in there! Whether we're "a" betrayerer or "a" betrayed, we can't let it get to us. We are all human beings, which means we're not trained sea-lions or whatever. Maybe the galactic aliens at some point are going to come and do to us what we did to the native Americans. Who freaking knows? Meantime, we sit around feeling major anguish (me too!) over spouses affairs, leaving, Lord knows! Sorry for being so actual! It's the way I get. R & B,<P>--Wex

new_beginning -- <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I need to ask a question: how do you get those quote things like that? I can never do that!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> This is actually pretty easy to do. The instructions are listed in the FAQ section of this site. <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/faq.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/faq.html</A> Basically, you use a left bracket [ then the word "quote" followed by a right bracket ] . no spaces. Copy and past the text you want to "quote", then use the left bracket again, a forward slash / , then the word quote followed by a right bracket.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I guess I feel kinda strongly about some people who I try to "help" and when they don't listen...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I can understand your feelings. As I said before, my W and I have had this conversation lately. She feels that she is either ignored or attacked when she posts. She has gotten to the point where she very seldom posts now.<P>Hang in there. <P>God Bless<P><BR>[This message has been edited by Empty Shell (edited October 12, 1999).]<p>[This message has been edited by Empty Shell (edited October 12, 1999).]

Please don't ever for a moment think that just because you are the one who betrayed that you aren't hurting. I know exactly, and I mean exactly how you feel and I am betrayed right now. The hurt is just as bad from either side of the fence from what I hear in your post. I wish I could understand that on a personal level, in my particular situation, but I haven't gotten there yet.<P>I just wanted you to know I understand your pain.

Here goes nothin'<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>l Basically, you use a left bracket [ then the word "quote" followed by a right bracket ] . no spaces. Copy and past the text you want to "quote", then use the left bracket again, a forward slash / , then the word quote followed by a right bracket.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks ES!!! <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited October 12, 1999).]

Wex,<P>Very nice words... I know how rough it's been for you lately, and the fact that you would come here at all and give me some kindness says a whole lot. How are you?<P>Tired Lady,<P>Thank you for saying that. Yes it hurts, and as you know, I know both sides very well too. I don't know if one side hurts worse or not. They both suck . Thank you for caring!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

new_beginning -- My pleasure.<P>God Bless

Made a big boo-boo this morning... thought some responses were missing, sorry to bring this to the top... it's a "done deal" and I appreciate all ya's so much!!<P>Hugs!! <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited October 13, 1999).]

nb -- First of all, you had BETTER keep posting to betrayed(s) posts. I am one of those and you have always been there when I needed someone. So there, you HAVE to keep responding.....<P>Secondly, this whole process, no matter where you are in it, is a rollercoaster ride. You and H are currently on the low end of the loop, but very soon the cars will be pulled to the top. Just hang in there. I take some hope in my situation because of you....<P>Hugs to you and a handshake to your H....

Sheryl - <P>Please don't give up!!! I would give anything to be even where you and your H are now. Everything is relative...if you really want to see how far along you've come, I can tell you where I currently am. Believe me, it's far worse...<P>Divorce for me is imminent. I have to face that fact and get on with life. I don't have a chance at reconciliation.<P>Please don't give up...you have given me so much hope and calmed many of my fears that I want to see you succeed.

I'm tellin' ya, NB, there is a light just around the bend. I promise!<P>Keep in Truckin', baby!<BR>

Heartpain, Shattered, and Maya,<P>You guys are so nice to reply. I don't want to go anywhere, but lately I feel that I'm not doing anyone any good. I can see by the replies that I must be. Don't know how, since I'm all messed up in the head lately. <P>I couldn't call the doc today because I was in and out of meetings all day. I will tomorrow. I gave in and had a chat with the OM, which was horrible. I won't even go into it. It is just IMPOSSIBLE to work with him. I'm very, very strongly thinking about leaving the job. But my H and I both feel that we would be committing financial suicide if I did that. We live in a very, very bad area for jobs and it took me 7 yrs. to get this one. I'm so confused, so torn.<P>Thanks everyone for your warm wishes and advice... always so appreciated.<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Just wanted to see how you were feeling. I hope things are better. My husband has been working a weird shift for the past two years. He works two nights on, three nights off, three nights on, two nights off. He works 7pm to 7am. At his other job, he worked two day shifts 6am to 4pm and then off two days. Then he would work two night shifts 4pm to 6am. That was the job where he had the affair, but he quit the job. It was for an ambulance service, he was an EMT and she was a paramedic and they were partners some of the shifts. Real convenient, huh? I also don't think it helped that she was a paid firefighter which is the job he has been going after for years. I think he was trying to live his dream life through her. Anyway, I'm rambling, he's working, and I think it's time for bed. I meant what I said about e-mailing me anytime. bamafan74@prodigy.net.

Don't know how I missed this until now?<P>What is going on with our MB poster couple???? lol!!<P>NB, Darlin' - what're the blues about here? Keep replying (done deal, right?) and people will keep learning ...think of it as kids in school - they don't often thank the teacher now do they? <P>We are all like those students in a way - little sponges soaking things in - what we learn doesn't always click right away!! Rest assurred that you are appreciated and most helpful....<P>I, personally, absolutely adore you for great job you did in keeping the peace around here when tensions ran high not to long ago. That will always stay with me....how caring you were to ALL here.<P>THANK YOU for that!!! And for so much more.......<P>Is your email on here somewhere? I have some ideas I have read about alternatives to losing sleep waiting up for H.....let me know and I'll email them to you.<P>It's so hard....you need your sleep, you need your job, you need your H, you need to be able to concentrate again!!! Sometimes, it's overwhelming!!!! UGH!!<P>That's what this place is for also, let it all out here....we'll listen and help if we can. But don't forget that most of our brains are messed up too!!! LOL!<P>BIG HUG to you (and your H also!!),<P>Sheba <p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited October 13, 1999).]

Sheba,<P>I wrote to the address on the email exchange, hope that's yours still <P>Let me know if you get it... I will post mine here, if necessary, but kinda hate to do it. It has my whole name, ya know?<P>Thanks for the kind words about the sad little postings a couple of weeks ago.<P>You're a sweetie! Hugs to you too <BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Hurtone,<P>I emailed you. Let me know if you get it!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Wow, Sheryl... this thread has gotten quite long, hasn't it! You inspire us all, deary!<P>Sounds like you're feeling a tad bit better now? My wife and I are in one of the rough areas of the rollercoaster at the moment. It's important to remember that eventually, we'll be going back up.<P>see ya,<BR>--andy

andy,<P>I'm sorry it's a tough patch... same here, believe me! <P>Did you read that I talked to the OM yesterday? It was awful. I hate working there now. My H, my grandmother, and I are going to begin praying that he moves on so I don't have to... pray too, okay??<P>I wish you weren't a man, so we could email. I need all the support coming straight to my house as possible!!<P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

NB,<P>I am in my fixit mode today so take this for what it is worth. I would like to make some observations and hopefully some suggestions.<P>First, it has been my observations that people myself included tend to lump and solve problems based on what we preceive to be the most serious problem. Let me give you an example, my father had serious heart disease and had a heart by pass where they remove the vein from the leg. Years later he had tremendous pain in that leg. The doctors did tests and the pain worsened. They feared gangrene had set in or some other complication from his heart disease. He was hospitalized for a week, when one day an older doctor came through. He examined my father, told the nurse to bring him a suringe (sp) and drew some fluid from my fathers knee. He could see crystals in the fluid. He had gout. The gave him gout medicine and he walked out of the hospital the next day completely pain free.<P>What is the point of this story. You have many things to deal with in your life and so does your H. If I recall they include:<BR>1. A child with special needs.<BR>2. A shaky financial situation.<BR>3. Your job with the OM present.<BR>4. Your H's job or jobs and the night shift<BR>6. You not getting enough sleep.<BR>7. Your affair.<BR>8. Your H's affair<BR>9. Others too numerous to mention.<P>From you post you attribute must of your feeling down to your affain and its aftermath. But is that really THE problem? I suspect they are all playing together. Some you may be able to fix and that will make others easier to deal with.<P>FIXIT HAT GOING ON<P>Consider getting more sleep. Everyone agrees to this. Sit down and talk with your H and see if there are some solutions to both of your work situations. Is it possible for you to move to an area where jobs are more plentiful? Have you solved your immediate financial problems, but continue to work long crazy hours for safety? Do you really need that safety right now? You see you cannot do anything about your child other than meet his/hers needs. You (I mean both H and yourself) can address the next items down through 6. If you do those things then items 7 on down become managable because you both want things to work.<P>I hope this rambling is not too confusing but I think you both would feel better if you sat down talked and decided on a plan of action that removed some or lessened many of these items. I know there is no such thing as too much money, but you lack of sleep is partly attributed to your H's job ( you want to see him and be with him). I doubt that he would argue with that. Maybe there is a way to solve both needs? <P>In any event, consider that many of your feelings may not be due to the affairs (heart problems) they may be due to the other issues.<P>Good Luck and God Bless You and your family<P>P.S. Keep posting your contributions have and are really valuable to this board. Please understand that many people come here hurt and not really ready to take any advice, they just want to vent.

Hi again NB!<P>I re-read your first sentence in your first post on this thread .... I guess you haven't noticed the little ride I've been on lately?<P>One week I'm posting that life is EXCELLENT, the next week I'm posting live from the bottom of the pit ...<P>It's the process we're in trying to heal from this. You're gonna experience ups and downs ... and thankfully you're here where we all wear the same t-shirt that says, "I'M ON A ROLLERCOASTER ... EXTREME DIPS VERY LIKELY!"<P>Okay? When you're up ... post it. When you're down ... post it. <P>I feel like a bloomin' idiot when I think back on my posts ... but they've shown PROGRESS ... okay? And yours have too. <P>...Momma said they'd be days like this ...<P>HANG TOUGH ...

Sheryl,<P>There's another woman on the board who I'm in correspondence with. My wife reads everything sent between us. So I'm not opposed to emailing you. However, I'm sure your husband would probably not be comfortable with that, and that's cool. But if you feel like it and your husband doesn't mind, just ask for my email address and I'll give it to ya.<P>I read Just Learning's advice to you. It's pretty durn good.<P>RE: my rough ride right now -- my wife felt very blue last night because of my problems in falling back in love with her. She said that sometimes she thinks about moving far away (like on the other coast!) so that she wouldn't see me any more (kinda sounds like Plan B! yikes!). Well, we're going to joint councelling today... so we'll see what happens.<P>--andy