She's not "some chick you don't even know". She's the wife of the man you were ******.

Come clean to OM's wife. Don't let her find out a month, a year, or ten years from now...tell her as soon as possible.

You guys may consider selling your home and moving away. As W2S says you guys have a $1500/month shortfall, so it may be a good idea to downsize anyway.

Yeah.....I bet the OW in my husband's life just thought of me as "some chick" as well. Wow. That really hurts.

I'll tell you again. Those people not coming forward to tell ME cost me years of unhappiness and my CHILDREN have suffered from it as well.

She's not just some chick! She is the WIFE of the man you f'd.

Regardless of who she is- and if I phrased that the wrong way and offended anyone, I'm sorry- our kids and their safety is more important to me than her knowing. That's all I was saying. I was not trying to be cruel.

But like I said, if you guys don't think he will follow through with his threats, I agree she should know.

BTW-Save the nasty responses for someone else, though. My DH doesn't speak to me that way, even though he's the one I hurt, and neither should you. Constructive criticism I can take, but not knee-jerk, negative jabs.

Nothing "knee-jerk" about it. Just speaking the truth clearly, if perhaps a tad aggressively.

Um, S_S, I was a PEACH on the other thread...I can be FAR more blunt...

And I gotta tell you that calling YOUR VICTIM, OMW "some chick" is NOT appropriate at all...Time to reevaluate your mindset on that one...It is the HEIGHT of disrespect and shows you to be incredibly cruel...

Put the shoe on the other foot...Imagine that W2S had an affair with someone...How would you like to be referred to as "some chick" by the OW??? Or how would you like OM to refer to your husband in some equally disrespectful manner??? That's SOOOOOOO not right...

I hope you will think about this and shift your perspective...Time to get humble and compassionate S_S...

Mrs. W

If the shoe fits. Did mopey say something that was incorrect?

S_S when you make CRUEL and DISRESPECTFUL remarks about YOUR VICTIM or YOUR BS here, you better believe that you will NOT be handled with kid gloves...This place does NOT coddle...We tell it like it is...

Don't you understand how offensive reading you refer to a BS as "some chick" is???

Mrs. W

The TRUTH in black and white looks ugly doesn't it.

I'm sorry if YOU were offended, but I gotta tell ya, you putting yourself above the OM's wife does have me pretty upset. It is apparent to me that you have no idea the amount of devastation a BS goes through.

Every day that goes by that the OM's wife doesn't know, is another day she'll mourn when she eventually finds out. And I guarantee you she will.

It is amazing to me that you think that you and your kids are more important than the OM's wife and her kids. That's just like saying that you are more important than me. I was the BS. Remember what I said in your H's thread? Have you read my sig line? Do you have any idea what this has done to me and my family?

It's not good enough to me that you say "you'll do it". You feel superior to this other human being, who YOU helped betray. SHE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO KNOW JUST AS MUCH AS YOUR HUSBAND DOES, AND I DID WAY BACK WHEN.

S_S...

You do realize that YOU put your kids and their safety in jeopardy by having an affair don't you? OMW did NOT do that...YOU did that...

Mrs. W

I apologized for calling her "some chick" already.

And until that mistake I have been humble and compassionate. I am in no way cruel or heartless.

But, if you feel that this particular slight of words is my mindset, you are wrong. I have said from the beginning of my posts that she should know and that he should be exposed for what he has done. I have always felt badly for how she would feel if she knew.

So, once again, sorry for offending or hurting anyone's feelings.

If you don't think that the "truth in black and white" as according to my own husband's accounts, is painful, then I don't even know what to say.

I never asked to be coddled. I do not feel I am better than she is, but as a mother, I am always going to be protective of my children-that is my job. Did I screw up and put them at risk back when the A was going on? You bet, but that doesn't mean that I should continue to do so now.

Mopey, I understand completely that you are the BS and if someone had told you it would have saved you from a lot of pain. I am sorry for that. And I was not trying to be disrespectful, just made a stupid, flippant comment.

S_S,

If you really got how serious this all is, you would NEVER have made what you are now chalking up to a slight of tongue...

You'd never refer to your child as just "some kiddo" because your mindset about one of your children would not allow that...

Your words betrayed your mindset no matter how much you argue otherwise...We do understand as we've seen it before...The words in these posts are said to HELP you change your perspective...Be grateful to those that post to you...They don't owe you and lashing out won't help at all...

Mrs. W

It wasn't a stupid and flippant comment. You referred to the OM's wife as less superior than you and your family several times. I think you are full of it. Speaking of which, lying is a character trait of cheaters. It's a way of avoiding conflict and reality. I know, my H did it for YEARS.

YOU made the decision to put your family at risk, period.

I was really hoping to be able to help you. But I'm going to bow out from posting to both of you. It is attitudes and selfishness like yours that was instrumental in destroying my life, as well as my kids.

Signed, an OM's wife/BS

Hey S_S,

You are getting some great help... from some women that have been where you are. It amazes me that there are BW's that will still come here and try and help newbies such as yourself - regardless of THEIR pain, because they care.

You may see their posts as "uncaring" or "mean", but I see it as strangers reaching out to help you...

You can continue to alienate those that want to help you, or you can swallow your pride and listen to their advice and try to learn from THEIR past experiences. The choice is up to you...

Please think about this...

Semper Fi,

RIF

Nice.

And you wonder why people complain about the 2x4s. And you wonder why the good, objective senior members are starting to leave? Real mystery there!

I have read over and over on here that this has become a nasty board with too much "tell it like it is" crap going around. But we gave it a try anyways b/c we needed help. Now it is very clear why there is so much complaining. He11, I had to TJ other threads just to get people to listen and help my husband last night. Many were too busy crying about Best Advisor or Back or who the F*** ever to help people reaching out to them. There is difference between calling someone out as a troll to help others avoid them, and going on and on about it for page after page.

Mopey, If you are still too hurt by what's happened in your own life, then stop posting to others. Especially WS or FWSs. Your opinions are too wrought with vengence, and you cannot be objective. I am not your husband, so keep your anger at him AT HIM and stop slamming people due to your own pain CAUSED BY HIM.

I apologized, several times, right after it was said, which should have been enough. But there are those who have been hurt and are here only to punish any and everyone they feel "deserves" it. People who remind them of their own pain. Those people have no business dishing out "advice," because while they are pretending to help, they have their blades hidden behind their back, ready to lash out at the first opportunity.

Well, thank you but no thank you.

I have to say, the Harleys must be ashamed at some of what goes on here. It is in no way indicative of their teachings, and does nothing but chase away people who really need help, support and encouragement. Those of you who choose to bash people on a daily basis are no better than the trolls you claim to hate.

I would like to thank star*fish, who is objective even though she has been hurt, as well as SadPunk and others who were truly helpful. And to Miss M for posting a thread to get people back on the subject(s) at hand last night. There is some good stuff happening here, and it is a shame that it is so overshadowed by some peoples' anger and resentment who have not healed themsleves, and yet instead of working on themselves, feel the need to thwart other people's effort to do so.

S_S...That was a very wayward post...You are NOT the victim here...

I hope that you will regroup and try again...

Mrs. W

Hey S_S,

I'll still be here for you and your H... as will many other "veteran" posters.

You might not always like to hear what we have to say, and yes, some posting "style" might not sit too well with you, but if you continue to alienate those that are trying to help you by getting defensive, then that will be YOUR loss.

I will be away from the boards for a while as I'm going home for my R&R leave... I get the feeling that you re going to let some gentle 2X4s run you off.. Please reconsider as I haven't seen ANYTHING on this thread that was mean or spitefull.

The information that you're getting is right on target... these "veterans" aren't going to blow Sunshine and Happiness at you, they are going to try and pass on the hard lessons that THEY'VE learned along the way. You can learn from them, or you can just say that they're being mean and nasty and walk away...

Semper Fi,

RIF

I definitely hold my H accountable for what he did. But he couldn't have done it without people like you. The OW, like you, were JUST AS RESPONSIBLE.

You are no different.

And BTW.....even with a 2X4, you still don't get it. They weren't 2X4's in the beginning.

I can see that you are still in the fog.

Thanks RIF and Mrs. W. I will regroup.

I agree that most of it was helpful, but noone likes to be told they full of it.

RIF, I didn't see your post after mopie's as I was off on my rant.

I do realize that there are people trying to help, and I am trying to learn, but I am not trying to play the victim. The only victims are the BSs.

I do not wish to alienate anyone, but I'll always stick up for H and/or me when I feel it is necessary.