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S_S...
People don't post to take out their anger out on you...Don't you see that people spend valuable time and energy in hopes that all of your fog will clear and that your marriage will be restored...That is the goal of all the people on this thread I can assure you...
Adultery is an ugly subject and nice words can't always be used to describe it or to hold the mirror up to your face...
Hey I get it, I really do, in some of my first posts here I told people that there was "more than one way to skin a cat"...I was very foggy...Thing is, the road to recovery is a very narrow path and sometimes it will take some reality slaps to keep you on it...This stuff isn't for wimps, it's hard...get a helmet...
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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That is a much better post.
Please try and stay off your high horse.
You know, no one on these boards is OWED anything from any other poster. We all post to people who's situation strikes a chord. Your husband's post was almost guaranteed to not get and responses because of it's length. Do you assume that just because you post you are entitled to a reply?
You might not like threads about back or threads with people arguing or whatever but what is that to you? Go about your OWN business. Be thankful when people post to you and don't attack them. You might not like what they say but that is likely because the truth hurts.
If you as a WW come out kicking and screaming at people here you WILL get your [censored] handed to you in short order as you have seen.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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OK.
But can you (and I am seriously asking) tell me where I am still foggy? (and I mean other than the "some chick" comment, that part was obvious, and is why I apologized quickly!) How was my last post "wayward?"
I honestly want to know...
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Telling other people they are BITTER because YOU don't like what they are saying is foggy for a start.
Thinking that it's YOUR RIGHT to get responded to is foggy.
Being Whiney and Victimish is foggy.
Need to go on?
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Thinking you are in a UNIQUE SITUATION is foggy.....
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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BK- I guess I did feel that way...that if someone posts asking for help, they deserve a reply. I was wrong on that one.. I was too emotionally involved in my hubby's post and felt he wasn't getting the replies he should, so I went out and asked for them. I knew it was long, but he has read and read and read here, so I guess there was that feeling of entitlement (by me, not him). Wrong again!
It seems everything I do or say is wrong right now, when I am really trying to get it right.
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It seems everything I do or say is wrong right now, when I am really trying to get it right. I hate to harp on it but this is a victim "poor little me" statement. Can you see that? We are trying to change your perceptions because that WILL help you de-fog OK? Believe it or not but everyone posting to you is trying to help you - each with their different styles! OK?
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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I'll try S_S...You'll understand more after you've read some other "fogmeister" posts! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> (remember I say that as one who has been there)...
There is a whiney and victimish tone to a wayward post...a lashing out when told in no uncertain terms how atrocious their behavior has been...Angry objections to saying "you f'd OM"...Fog makes you feel the words are worse than the behavior...
And your response to mopey...You lashed out at her about what you perceived to be her pain...I don't think mopey posted anything but truth to you and not about her pain at all...But what if it was out of her pain that she posted? How was your biting response rubbing her face in her pain a good thing? Is that compassionate?
Remember when you post here or think about what your actions have done to your husband that Dr. Harley compares the pain of adultery to rape or the death of a child...That is how traumatic it is...
Anyway, I hope that makes some sense...If I think of more I'll post it...
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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And that's not meant to sound victimish or whiney.
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and yet that is exactly how it sounded......
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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S_S...Gotta let you know that Mr. W and I cracked up at your saying that it would only take 10 minutes to read W2S's post...You must be a speed reader girl! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Oh, that one was supposed to show after my last post, but you beat me to it, BK!
OK, I am starting to get it now.
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I am having a hard time with wanting to protect my kids from retaliation just to tell some chick we don't even know that her husband is a louse... I'm sorry- our kids and their safety is more important to me than her knowing. But, if you feel that this particular slight of words is my mindset, you are wrong. Did I screw up and put them at risk back when the A was going on? You bet, but that doesn't mean that I should continue to do so now. . And I was not trying to be disrespectful, just made a stupid, flippant comment. And this, is called "gaslighting". Gaslighting is where you try to make the other person think they are crazy so as to avoid blame. Gaslighting From Wikipedia, [15] or injure the victim and then as part of the plan to discredit the victim, feign innocence, claim the injury was accidental, or otherwise act surprised when the victim complains of the threats or injury. Gaslighting can be described as the systematic use of deceptive information to promote a distorted view.
Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.
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And that's not meant to sound victimish or whiney. LOL...Of course it wasn't MEANT to sound that way! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I told you before your words will betray your mindset...That's okay, just be willing to listen and learn...It will come... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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I am really sorry, mopey. I truly did not mean to hurt you. Thank you for trying to help us. I value your opinion.
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I am really sorry, mopey. I truly did not mean to hurt you. Thank you for trying to help us. I value your opinion. ((((((Still_Singing)))))) Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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I am having a hard time with wanting to protect my kids from retaliation just to tell some chick we don't even know that her husband is a louse And you wonder why people complain about the 2x4s. And you wonder why the good, objective senior members are starting to leave? Real mystery there!
I have read over and over on here that this has become a nasty board with too much "tell it like it is" crap going around. But we gave it a try anyways b/c we needed help. Now it is very clear why there is so much complaining. He11, I had to TJ other threads just to get people to listen and help my husband last night. Many were too busy crying about Best Advisor or Back or who the F*** ever to help people reaching out to them. There is difference between calling someone out as a troll to help others avoid them, and going on and on about it for page after page.
Mopey, If you are still too hurt by what's happened in your own life, then stop posting to others. Especially WS or FWSs. Your opinions are too wrought with vengence, and you cannot be objective. I am not your husband, so keep your anger at him AT HIM and stop slamming people due to your own pain CAUSED BY HIM.
I apologized, several times, right after it was said, which should have been enough. But there are those who have been hurt and are here only to punish any and everyone they feel "deserves" it. People who remind them of their own pain. Those people have no business dishing out "advice," because while they are pretending to help, they have their blades hidden behind their back, ready to lash out at the first opportunity.
Well, thank you but no thank you.
I have to say, the Harleys must be ashamed at some of what goes on here. It is in no way indicative of their teachings, and does nothing but chase away people who really need help, support and encouragement. Those of you who choose to bash people on a daily basis are no better than the trolls you claim to hate.
I would like to thank star*fish, who is objective even though she has been hurt, as well as SadPunk and others who were truly helpful. And to Miss M for posting a thread to get people back on the subject(s) at hand last night. There is some good stuff happening here, and it is a shame that it is so overshadowed by some peoples' anger and resentment who have not healed themsleves, and yet instead of working on themselves, feel the need to thwart other people's effort to do so. Okay, this was foggy...admitted...let's move past it and on to this post. Your statement about why vets are leaving the board is also foggy. You don't really know chit from shinola about this board yet. You are a new FWS here...it is most likely better to listen to the likes of Mrs W and others that have risen above what you are still in than to criticize. One of the consequences of your affair is that may you forever lose the ability to pursue that career. That's what happens when you chit where you eat. If it was so valuable to you, you should have protected it better in the first place. You owe the other man's wife the truth. You have victimized her and you are just as bad as her H. Give her the truth, be honorable...and rise above this stuff. Until you have given her honesty, you are not living an honorable life. The attached post was rude on so many levels. I am shocked that a newcomer would be so abrasive to people that are taking their time to help you. I will tell you that I wish you well and hope you find guidance from the posters here. But I have my sincere doubts about your sincerity based on this post. We all can make mistakes by saying stupid things....you did and instead of owning that...you lash out at others in a fashion that makes me question if we are dealing with yet another impostor. If not, lighten up on those trying to help you. ETA...thanks for owning that and apologizing to Mopey. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Last edited by mkeverydaycnt; 12/13/07 09:10 PM.
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I am really sorry, mopey. I truly did not mean to hurt you. Thank you for trying to help us. I value your opinion. Good...you will find help here. People do care...and it doesn't matter if they are FWS or BS. They care. Best of luck.
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Apology accepted. Thank you. If you want someone to tell you like it is, I'm your girl. I don't beat around the bush sometimes. But,I can be sweet. I promise. Just ask the kid I just paid to say so. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> If you want someone to baby you through it, just ask...... Just kiddin' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.
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And thanks for sticking up for me you guys. I can be a rock on the outside but I'm really a marshmallow underneath. /sigh
Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.
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