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That's pretty funny coming from someone who wuz willin' to crossbreed w/a yankee. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.
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That's pretty funny coming from someone who wuz willin' to crossbreed w/a yankee. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Bwahahahahaaaaaaaaa!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> You know what you get when you cross a yankee with a pig? NOTHIN'...There's some things a pig just won't do! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> (I think I may just have insulted myself...that being the case I really oughta go to bed now! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> ) Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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You know what you get when you cross a yankee with a pig?
NOTHIN'...There's some things a pig just won't do! Hahahahaha..... Hey, just saw this on the internet. Figures. Ya know what a Yankee is? It's a quickie. You just do it yourself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Hmmmmm......wouldn't that make yankee's [censored]? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> *ducking* Just kiddin. Yankees aren't all that bad. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I'm going to bed too cuz I'm causing trouble. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.
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Mornin' everyone! I realized last night that I had thanked everyone but RIF. I had mentioned BK and Mrs. W, but it was RIF who helped turn me around last night. Thanks so much! And thanks for giving of yourself every day to keep us all safe. Semper Fi! (I actually Googled this phrase and read about what it means, especially to the Marines...very good stuff!) So, w2s says he is proud of me and that I am a very special person/amazing woman. I don't know about all that, but it was still so nice to hear. He really is the best! Bob Pure responded to his thread, and I was very happy about that-he really respects him. (not that he doesn't respect all of you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> He is in the process of editing it down quite a bit, so it'll only take 3 minutes (instead of ten) to read it (that was for Mr and Mrs W). We are thinking of giving away an award to those who read it all! What do you think, maybe a bozo button or something? Anyways, just signing on for the day, and wanted to acknowledge RIF!!
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Like I mentioned earlier in your thread, my ex-H was a musician. He based nearly everything on his "feelings". I think it may come with the territory for an artist as it fuels creativity as their driving force.
When it comes to marriage, that is a "commitment". When the going gets rough you revisit your commitment despite your feelings to get you back on track.
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I like your new moniker, Resonance. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
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I changed my screen name to Resonance, as it is still music related, but not so "In your face" like Still_Singing. I just felt it was kind of a slap in the the face to want2stay, since his name is so sweet. Resonance really sounded good to me...definition:
resonance-When several strings are tuned to harmonically related pitches, all strings vibrate when only one of the strings is struck.
I thought it was both in keeping with the music theme, but very appropriate to what we are trying to accomplish. What do ya'll think.
Resilient-I agree with you about the feelings part and being a musician. Thanks for your input.
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Do I call you Res or LaLa now? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Either is fine, Lala was not available, so I couldn't use it. I'm kinda glad, b/c I like Resonance better. smarty pants <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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Afternoon......Res. Now, I hope we don't get you confused with Resilient, which I've also called Res. Hmmmmm..... So, w2s says he is proud of me and that I am a very special person/amazing woman. I don't know about all that, but it was still so nice to hear. He really is the best! Res....if any FWS wanna be did what you did last night, by seeking answers and staying through the heat and was willing to be humble like you were, there'd be a lot of other BSs saying the same things. I am quite sure that showed W2S that you were willing to put your pain aside to do the right thing. That is growth my friend, and healthy growth. That'll give him confidence that you'll do right by him as well. Please understand that there will be many more layers of foggieness that will have to be peeled away, and it will be hard on both of you. However, I can almost guarantee you that if you continue this path, and use Harley's extreme common sense principles, that you'll have the most wonderful and intimate marriage imaginable. Now, I have lots of stuff to do today so I need to sign off. If you see me around here today, that won't be a good thing cuz that'll mean I'm not getting my stuff done. Peace out.
Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.
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Thanks mopey!
I am seconding her need to sign off for a while and get some stuff done...mainly spend all day with the boys. I have been camped out here for a week and they need some mommy lovins. After they go to bed I will hop back on and see what I can see!
PS-everyone can call me lala, if you like, since that has been my "real life" nickname for a long time, so it is fine. The S_S thing just wasn't sitting well with me. Incidentally, it wasn't with DH either, but he kept quiet to see if it would occur to me, and if I would make the change on my own.
(((((((((MBers)))))))))
Thanks again, from the bottom of my heart
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OK, so new question...if some of you have read my posts to others, do you think I should stop? Do you think I am still too foggy to help anyone else? I saw this last night and wanted to respond, but we got the 7-week-old to bed and hustled off to bed ourselves. You've got 2 yourself so you understand that once the baby's asleep, the clock is ticking... Anyway, I'm not here to tell you what, where, when, or how to post, or who to post to. I'll just tell you *my* philosophy on how *I* post, and you can decide what works for you, 'k? First a disclaimer - I have not 'been there and done that' to the extent these other folks have. That's part of why I don't post much - on many subjects it could reasonably be said I don't know what the heck I'm talking about. Rather than give advice that may potentially be wrong, I prefer to stay silent. Anyway - on the concepts of snooping, confronting, and securing your finances, and the basics of exposure, I feel comfortable posting. Also whenever a request comes up for the mindset of an OM I unfortunately am qualified to post - I did that for a few months about 15 years ago. On other things like plans A/B, recovery, when to tell the kids what's going on, how to secure custody or get through a divorce, and pretty much anything else - I have no clue whatsoever. Sure, I have my opinions, and what I *think* is the right answer, but I'm not going to risk giving someone potentially life-altering advice when I'm not sure I'm right. I also stay silent on most of the heated board discussion topics - support of affair marriages, posting styles, use of 2x4's, religious vs secular posting, troll invasions, and so on. Of course I have my own opinions, but on some subjects I just "don't have a dog in that fight" and don't feel comfortable posting...and don't feel like it's worth it for me to argue over. Otherwise I try to limit myself to expressing support for folks I feel a bond with...that and occasional yankee-bashing! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
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The S_S thing just wasn't sitting well with me. Incidentally, it wasn't with DH either, but he kept quiet to see if it would occur to me, and if I would make the change on my own. Good grief, I'm starting to LOVE you LaLa!!! That is HUGE that you saw your own name as hurtful to W2S and made the choice to change it...More fog gone-HOORAY!!! GOOD GIRL...I'm SO proud of you for this step!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> occasional yankee-bashing Bit, you made me snicker wildly with that! You nefarious character you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Hi LaLa...
If you haven't already given W2S ALL the details of the affair, I would strongly encourage you to do so...Only once all the facts are out, can real healing take place...There should be nothing left between you and OM that W2S is not privy to...Any secrets will hinder true intimacy for the both of you and your marriage will never be the fulfilling entity that it is intended to be...
I am going to post Joseph's letter below in bold and hope that it shows just how important it is that W2S knows everything...
Mrs. W
Joseph's Letter
"To Whomever,
"I know you are feeling the pain of guilt and confusion. I understand that you wish all this never happened and that you wish it would just go away. I can even believe that you truly love me and that your indiscretion hurts you emotionally much the same way it hurts me. I understand your apprehension to me discovering little by little, everything that led up to your indiscretion, everything that happened that night, and everything that happened afterwards. I understand. No one wants to have a mistake or misjudgment thrown in his or her face repeatedly. No one wants to be forced to "look" at the thing that caused all their pain over and over again. I can actually see, that through your eyes, you are viewing this whole thing as something that just needs to go away, something that is over, that he/she doesn't mean anything to you, so why is it such a big issue? I can understand you wondering why I torture myself with this continuously, and thinking, doesn't he/she know by now that I love him/her? I can see how you can feel this way and how frustrating it must be. But for the remainder of this letter I'm going to ask you to view my reality through my eyes.
"You were there. There is no detail left out from your point of view. Like a puzzle, you have all the pieces and you are able to reconstruct them and be able to understand the whole picture, the whole message, or the whole meaning. You know exactly what that picture is and what it means to you and if it can effect your life and whether or not it continues to stir your feelings. You have the pieces, the tools, and the knowledge. You can move through your life with 100% of the picture you compiled. If you have any doubts, then at least you're carrying all the information in your mind and you can use it to derive conclusions or answers to your doubts or question. You carry all the "STUFF" to figure out OUR reality. There isn't really any information, or pieces to the puzzle that you don't have.
"Now let's enter my reality. Let's both agree that this affects our lives equally. The outcome no matter what it is well affect us both. Our future and our present circumstances are every bit as important to me as it is to you. So, why then is it okay for me to be left in the dark? Do I not deserve to know as much about the night that nearly destroyed our relationship as you do? Just like you, I am also able to discern the meaning of certain particulars and innuendoes of that night and just like you, I deserve to be given the opportunity to understand what nearly brought our relationship down. To assume that I can move forward and accept everything at face value is unrealistic and unless we stop thinking unrealistically I doubt our lives well ever "feel" complete. You have given me a puzzle. It is a 1000 piece puzzle and 400 random pieces are missing. You expect me to assemble the puzzle without the benefit of looking at the picture on the box. You expect me to be able to discern what I am looking at and to appreciate it in the same context as you. You want me to be as comfortable with what I see in the picture as you are. When I ask if there was a tree in such and such area of the picture you tell me don't worry about it, it's not important. When I ask whether there were any animals in my puzzle you say don't worry about it, it's not important. When I ask if there was a lake in that big empty spot in my puzzle you say, what's the difference, it's not important. Then later when I'm expected to "understand" the picture in my puzzle you fail to understand my disorientation and confusion. You expect me to feel the same way about the picture as you do but deny me the same view as you. When I express this problem you feel compelled to admonish me for not understanding it, for not seeing it the way you see it. You wonder why I can't just accept whatever you chose to describe to me about the picture and then be able to feel the same way you feel about it.
"So, you want me to be okay with everything. You think you deserve to know and I deserve to wonder. You may honestly feel that the whole picture, everything that happened is insignificant because in your heart you know it was a mistake and wish it never happened. But how can I know that? Faith? Because you told me so? Would you have faith if the tables were turned? Don't you understand that I want to believe you completely? But how can I? I can never know what is truly in your mind and heart. I can only observe you actions, and what information I have acquired and slowly, over time rebuild my faith in your feelings. I truly wish it were easier.
"So, there it is, as best as I can put it. That is why I ask questions. That is where my need to know is derived from. And that is why it is unfair for you to think that we can effectively move forward and unfair for you to accuse me of dwelling on the past. My need to know stems from my desire to hold our world together. It doesn't come from jealousy, it doesn't come from spitefulness, and it doesn't come from a desire to make you suffer. It comes from the fact that I love you. Why else would I put myself through this? Wouldn't it be easier for me to walk away? Wouldn't it be easier to consider our relationship a bad mistake in my life and to move on to better horizons? Of course it would, but I can't and the reason I can't is because I love you and that reason in itself makes all the difference in the world."
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Hey BK! I was off spending some much needed time with my boys. They needed some mommy lovins, as I have been glued to this site for over a week!
To Mrs. W. Yes, I have disclosed everything. Every detail, every conversation I can remember (probably 99.9% of it), everything. DH has always been my best friend, and so as the time with OM went along, I would come home from the studio and tell him a lot of our conversations anyways, except the "dirty" details, so to speak. That is a huge part of what made him suspect something was going on.
Then I went back through it, during the spring and early summer. I actually relived every moment with him, filling in the blanks, no matter how painful. He has the whole picture. If there were any questions after that, I would answer them as they came. I will say it did take me a couple months to get it all out, and that was partially b/c it was painful to relive and partially b/c I was letting him ask what he needed answered and nothing more...he was in too much pain and I knew he would ask when he was ready to hear ALL of it. And he did, and I told him.
I even told him things that I tried to instigate but OM backed out at the last minute and nothing ended up happening... but it was pertinent info. I needed to tell him just how crazy I was and how far it would have gone if OM hadn't backed out at the last minute (this was during the "it's all his fault, he pushed you into it" phase). I told him it was MY fault and that I was the one he should be angry at...THAT was a tough conversation. One of the hardest ever. But we got through it.
From then (say May/June) on, it has been about me and my stupid foggy glasses. He kept telling me he forgave me for what happened, but was still upset that I didn't get it. I just kept telling him "I GET it already" and to get over it so we could move on...or GET OUT if he couldn't handle it. Harsh, no? And I got PO'd because you gave me a slight slap last night. Ugh! (sigh).
And saying all this just makes me want to tell w2s, once again, that you are the love of my life. I will never know, and never understand what you went through. I will always be in total awe that you stuck by me through all this...I don't know if I would have had that kind of strength. You are the most amazing person I have ever met, and noone has ever loved me like you do...not even my own family. You are the epitome of unconditional love, and I promise I will spend the rest of my life showing you how your love has changed me, made me into someone I never thought I could be. You and the boys are my whole world and even if we lost everything, I would follow you to the ends of the earth just to be with you. You are my rock, and I love you with all of my heart and soul. Noone could ever take your place.
OK, can't see though my tears, gotta go for now...
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And saying all this just makes me want to tell w2s, once again, that you are the love of my life. I will never know, and never understand what you went through. I will always be in total awe that you stuck by me through all this...I don't know if I would have had that kind of strength. You are the most amazing person I have ever met, and noone has ever loved me like you do...not even my own family. You are the epitome of unconditional love, and I promise I will spend the rest of my life showing you how your love has changed me, made me into someone I never thought I could be. You and the boys are my whole world and even if we lost everything, I would follow you to the ends of the earth just to be with you. You are my rock, and I love you with all of my heart and soul. Noone could ever take your place.
OK, can't see though my tears, gotta go for now... Wow. That made me cry too. You sound like a truly repentent WS who is soooo earning her "F". Lala.... It so does take a huge amount of strength and compassion to overcome betrayal. I am so glad you appreciate that in him. It is so important. This will be the hardest thing he'll ever have to cope with, almost guaranteed. The BS's self esteem and pride takes a HUGE hit with affairs. It's hard for us to humble ourselves and take back someone who had so little regard for us. Thank you for sharing that. I've longed for it myself. Be well you two.
Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.
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Ditto wifey bear!
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p.s. How could I not reply to something as sweet as that? I already knew....
Last edited by Want2Stay; 12/14/07 08:58 PM.
BS-me 36 FWW-34 DS-7 & DS-3 PA - 7/06-8/06 EA - 6/06-1/07 D-Day: wife confessed 2-17-07, suspected 8-02-06 Broke NC: 2-19-07, 3-24-07, 5/07 My StoryMy Wife's Story --------------------- Healing one day at a time.....
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You big fibber magee! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
He said when he called a couple minutes ago that he hadn't read it. I'm glad you didn't get all worked up in front of "the guys." It just came out of nowhere, ya know
I loves you BIG BIG!!!!!!!!!!
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"Wifey Bear"??? "BIG BIG"??? You two GET A ROOM...Now where is my vomit bucket? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Mrs. W <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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