I would never, ever want to break NC with this person, and I didn't say I would. I hope I never have to lay eyes on him again. So, I guess I don't know where you were coming form or what you meant by this...please explain.

What I was saying is that there is no way in he11 I would ever be enticed by this person again. And that I feel nothing for him but disgust, which will eventually turn to indifference.

I agree wholeheartedly with Gimble.



That sounds like a selfish demand to me.

If W2S is not enthusiastic about this, I don't see that bullying or threats of punishment will serve any other purpose other than his resentment.

I'm not looking for favor, just stating an opinion.

Gimble

I wouldn't begin to speak on Resonance's behalf. I guess different women respect different things.

I know as a woman, having my husband stand up for the safety and protection of my children will always garner my respect.

Let me give you a clarification, graplin, and then hopefully we can let these good people get back to their thread instead of distracting it with silly debates about the definition of "optional." But every principle suggested here is OPTIONAL. None are COMPULSORY, there are no guns held on people here. Now, there are some principles that are not "optional" to a successful outcome of the marriage, but that is not the context here, and that is what Dr Harley meant in his quote. And no one has suggested otherwise. So, I assure you that every principle is optional and that MB does not send out the secret police to enforce compliance.

Moving on..............

W2S and Lala, I apologize for the needless distraction on your thread. As you can see, there are some strongly held opinions,[and some agendas] on both sides of this issue. I hope you can take what has been said, both pro and con, and consider it carefully when making your decision.

For me, personally, I wish very much that someone would have told me about my H's affair. I was similarly DEFRAUDED into marrying my H because I did not have the truth. I would not have married my H had I known about the affair and deeply resented his trickery. For months, I was in despair because I FELT something was wrong but could never put my finger on it. Eventually I did find out, but I wish someone would have been kind enough to tell me the truth. Even after I married him, I would have appreciated it.

Not if you want to follow the Marriage Builder's Program.

I understand what you mean LaLa - all I am saying is that Dr Harley is RIGHT. He is 100% RIGHT about this.

I know how you FEEL that it is impossible, but there have been many who have fallen even feeling the same way about OM as you have - they have a chance meeting when they are at a low point and it's ON AGAIN.

Even in these pages, a WW who thought she was over OM and hated him bumped into him - then she had coffee with him..... then she was going to meet him for a drink - we usually call those DATES LOL.

Anyway, at the last second she realised she was on the cusp of a full blown affair with him again. She thought she was immune too.

NC FOR LIFE only makes sense in this context as Dr Harley explains it.

Very well said ML...

Mrs. W

And I just gotta say...THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU!!!!

It has been my experience over and over again on this board that when a debate is at hand, things get ugly. It has not happened here, and I am sooo grateful. You have all been so respectful to each other and it makes it so much easier to take in all the widom and help.

As far as W2S being a man or "manning up" I honestly will have no lack of respect for him whatever he chooses. I know that's what you would expect me to say, but c'mon. How much more of a man can he be than he is right now...standing beside me through all of my deceit, unfounded anger, trecherous behavior and disrespect. I do not deserve someone as loving as he is...at least up until this point. My goal now is to be a person who IS deserving of being in his very presence, and being his wife. He is amazing, plain and simple. This decision will not change the way that I feel about him.

I believe that is what I said. However, participation in the MB program *IS* optional. There are no guns held on anyone here. How about we let these nice folks get back to their thread?

I understand how you feel about this LaLa...I struggled for a long time with it myself...Affairs are like addictions though...You would do best to accept your vunerability to the addiction and act accordingly...And remember, your "feelings" lied to you once before...Best to go with the logic and reason of the expert on this, eh?

Mrs. W

Oops....

ML,

No need to apologize. I was looking for an open debate on this issue. I certainly didn't mean to cause WWIII on the board though. I hope there are no hard feelings here. I just wanted a chance for everyone to voice their opinions and reasons for them before we moved forward. As LaLa said, we have been discussing this at great length over the past few weeks while we waited for the holidays to pass. During this time, I began to question whether or not this would be the best choice for my family.

Yes, absolutely. Right as rain, you are!

No, it isn't.


No one was debating this, so I have no idea why you want to keep bringing it up as if someone has been.

The debate was whether or not telling the OP spouse was optional or mandatory within the Marriage Builder's program.

Within the program.

Dr. Harley has said there are 2 rules that aren't optional within his program.

He has said that telling the OP's spouse is optional within his program.

So your non-sequitor argument has no bearing on the discussion.

It sounds to me like you have a bone to pick, graplin. I hope you have the good sense to handle it personally instead of doing it on these people's thread. Give it a rest.

Hey BK-can we sing kum-ba-ya yet? Oh, buddy I was LMAO on that one!!!!!!!!!

There is no debate Graplin - it's OPTIONAL just like following ANY PART of the program is optional.

That sounds like a great idea LaLa with you being a singer too.

I'll sing along.

ROTFLMAO

They don't have that one on Guitar Hero yet... Maybe on Guitar Hero IV.