|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
kum-ba-ya sounds great! Maybe we could teach others here!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316 |
That sounds like a great idea LaLa with you being a singer too.
I'll sing along.
ROTFLMAO I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, so I'll just hum along with you guys, 'k? *GROUP HUG* <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464 |
kum-ba-ya sounds great! Maybe we could teach **********edit**********! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> That's pretty optimistic thinking **********edit********** could learn anything Mel.
Last edited by Berlin; 01/06/08 11:24 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316 |
You guys are killing me!!! hahahahaaaaaaaaaa!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 638
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 638 |
it's OPTIONAL just like following ANY PART of the program is optional. Dr. Harley has said that 2 of the rules are not optional within the Marriage Builder's program. Dr. Harley has said that telling the OP's spouse IS optional within the Marriage Builder's program.If you choose not to follow the 2 rules that Dr. Harley has said are not optional - then you are NOT following the Marriage Builder's proram.So, the option is whether or not you are following the Marriage Builder's program. If you are following the Marriage Builder's program, there are 2 rules you must follow according to the program's creator and while following the Marriage Builder's program there are other rules that are optional. One of those optional rules (as opposed to the 2 rules that are NOT optional) is whether or not to tell the OP's spouse. Were you able to follow that? 2 Rules are NOT optional if you want to call yourself following the MB program.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316 |
Settle down graplin...
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
graplin, did you read your own signature: "A fool's lips bring strife, they are his destruction & the snare of his soul."
There is nothing to debate here. All principles ARE optional. MB is optional. That is the context of my comment. There is no call to beat this to death.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 638
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 638 |
I certainly didn't mean to cause WWIII on the board though. You didn't. Just call it a "spirited discussion". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Prayers for you and your family in whatever decision you make.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 614
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 614 |
Graplin,
Thanks for your input. Like I said, I was looking for an open debate on our situation. I have been reasearching this myself for a couple of weeks myself and I couldn't find anything that said exposure was a must to be within the MB principles.
BS-me 36 FWW-34 DS-7 & DS-3 PA - 7/06-8/06 EA - 6/06-1/07 D-Day: wife confessed 2-17-07, suspected 8-02-06 Broke NC: 2-19-07, 3-24-07, 5/07 My StoryMy Wife's Story --------------------- Healing one day at a time.....
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Here is the thing, W2S, every principle here is optional. Participation in MB is optional. There are certain things that must be done in order to ensure marital recovery. Those things are not optional IF YOU WANT A CERTAIN OUTCOME, but again, everything is optional.
Since you are already well into recovery, the discussion has not been about that anyway.
In your case, where the affair is long over, exposure is not relevant to the recovery of your marriage. We can agree on that. In an ongoing affair it is. So, in the sense that this is related to martial recovery, it is NOT. It is an act of kindness to the other victim, no different from telling your neighbor his bookkeeper is embezzling money from him. In your situation, you have some other things to consider. And I agree you should consider them, because the safety of your children is paramount. I only wish you could find SOME way to achieve both goals, though.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 614
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 614 |
Hey All, I suppose I should come clean now though. I emailed Dr Harley a brief sysnopsis of our situation this morning posing this very same question. I'm very curious what his response will be. I'll keep you'll posted on his reply if I receive one. I wanted to have all the information I could possible have before going through with this. P.S. BK - Yes it really was brief - no smarky comments about the length of my first post! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> Thanks to everyone for taking part in this discussion.
BS-me 36 FWW-34 DS-7 & DS-3 PA - 7/06-8/06 EA - 6/06-1/07 D-Day: wife confessed 2-17-07, suspected 8-02-06 Broke NC: 2-19-07, 3-24-07, 5/07 My StoryMy Wife's Story --------------------- Healing one day at a time.....
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
P.S. BK - Yes it really was brief - no smarky comments about the length of my first post! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> WHEW!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 614
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 614 |
ML,
I have plans on how I can limit the potential risk to our safety. I'm going to be installing deadbolt locks on all the outside doors of our house this week. The other thing that works to our advantage is that as far as OM knows, I still work from home so he would have no idea the LaLa is alone at night. So I think for now the plan would be to go through with exposure on a night when I will be off work for 3 days. I'm still not looking forward to having to watch over my shoulder wondering if he is going to retaliate or not.
BS-me 36 FWW-34 DS-7 & DS-3 PA - 7/06-8/06 EA - 6/06-1/07 D-Day: wife confessed 2-17-07, suspected 8-02-06 Broke NC: 2-19-07, 3-24-07, 5/07 My StoryMy Wife's Story --------------------- Healing one day at a time.....
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464 |
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Understandable! It sounds like a good plan and I am relieved you have thought it through so carefully. And even more relievd that your posts are so much shorter now! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464 |
W2S - the chances of this guy doing anything are remote. OM are essentially cowards.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464 |
"smarky"??? seriously??? W2S let's not try to get all international on me...You silly yanks are best off sticking to "baseball, hotdogs, apple pie and chevrolet
Oh and BTW the word is SNARKY!
ROTFLMAO
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
uuuuuuh, BigK, I AM NOT A YANK!! I AM A TEXAN!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,560
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,560 |
Hey, while we're on the subject BK- do you think he will retaliate? You haven't been very clear...? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464 |
LaLa you are killing me here.
LOL
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
|
|
|
|
1 members (rufaia1231),
537
guests, and
212
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
|
|
Children
by BrainHurts - 10/19/24 04:02 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,613
Posts2,323,452
Members71,883
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
