Well the Plan a idea is probably out the window. She is in full alien mode. She's going out to run an errand fog speak for I'm going to see the OM. She thinks that the children are stupid because my ODD told me that she was probably going to see him.

What hurts most is that she used to turn to me when she was in pain, now I feel like she has a hard time even looking at me. She says to my ODD things like 'Even when your F and are living apart I will still be your mother' Except that she yells it at her... oh no the kids will be fine.

She's over at the next door neighbours place now. The other thing I just thought of is that she may be looking to get some pot. That is so ironic, because she uses the fact that used pot to relieve stress as a major part for leaving yet she's doing the same thing now that she has pressure to deal with.

Pot and pot roast. Yum.

Well, expect nothing from her and you won't be disappointed.

LOL. That was a good one.

I wold be happy with peace for tonight. I will try to keep the two separated for the night.

I just hope that some of the last week poked a little hole where the light can get in a little.

I can't help but to feel bad for her as well. As much as I know she made the choices she made, it can't be easy for her either.

Your compassion is what makes you a man of G-d. Trust me, not everyone is capable of this emotion during this time.

Like Believer says, exepct nothing and you don't get hurt. However, way EASIER said than done. Remember too, they are just binging on their addiction. Somehow we have to get it's not a reflection of us, but that they NEED it to survive.

I can honestly tell you that when I was in the throws of my drugging I did things that were completely uncharacteristic for that next fix. I was consumed by how I was going to get that next hit. There is a hole inside of her, and she is LOOKING to fix it.

Without a doubt, and for this I AM COMPLETELY SURE, that whole can ONLY be filled by G-d. Pray for G-d to start softening her heart to hear his call. And you can be SURE, G-d is calling her and wants her back in his fold.

This is turning out to be an eventful afternoon. I don't know where she went but she was gone less than 5 min, so it wasn't the OM. She denied going to get dope, but the amount of time that she was gone leads me to believe that that is where she went.

We were in the kitchen, and I asked her if she was ok. She said no... than said she was sorry and started crying. So I held her. She then said that I shouldn't be doing this... being this nice to her, that as much as it hurts she deserves what she is getting from my ODD. She is gone for a walk to calm down.

She told me that WE were invited to a New Years Eve party, but wasn't sure if she wanted to go because everybody there knows what is going on.

If this doesn't make a lasting impression than it's her loss. You're all right though... no expectation.

I'm sure it isn't easy for her, but then again, it shouldn't be, should it! Just do your best...you seem OK, so I know you'll do great!

Ooooo, we were posting over each other...just read your last one. I think she may be starting to crack!

Cautiously optimistic/no expectations...have a great night!!

Work the Plan!!!
No Expectations!!!
Work on EN!!!
No LB's !!!

That's the plan so I stay with the plan.

I know that she deserves this but I can't bring myslef to think this way. This is not my W but, I have to keep hope that she is trying to crack through.

Sounds very promising. Maybe the dope will mellow her out. No expectations.

Its always a good idea to take a break from the constant talks about relationship and just relax and not worry about things. This stuff gets very taxing.

I sure hope so, but she started drinking already, and I get the sense that she is planning on drinking many more. So I suspect that she will get into the fog babble in a little while. I'll suggest the party again and see what she thinks.

I don't trust the tears. I think they may be more out of self pity than anything else... look at me I'm hurting too.

It seems like the behavior is more erratic now and is directed at my ODD. I'm staying right out of it. I will do my best to keep my focus on the goal tonight and let her do what she is going to do. So long as it's not destructive then let her be.

Something else just came to mind. What if she cannot get in touch with OM? What if he's got her on ignore? Would this also illicit this kind of anger and sadness? Could she be thinking that he hurt her as well? Could there be a little fog lift here? I can only hope.

The OM usually moves on, and we will hope that this is the case.

I would get very busy playing board games, cards, SOMETHING with your kids. Do the big happy family thing. Let your wife join in or NOT.

That's part of tonight’s plan. We got a board game at Christmas and haven’t played it much. So we'll see how that goes over.

The OM is single, lives at his sister's house and makes half the salary I do. Her friend has even told her that she doesn't think her cares about her. But she won’t ear it.

She's been gone for about half an hour now, and my ODD friend went with her. I will need to debrief her to make sure she did talk to her about my plan.

I also thought this, but like I said I do not want to make assumptions. Remember, I was cut off by the OM too and felt much like she may be feeling right now if that is the case. Let's hope that is what is happening, b/c the sooner she gets over the infatuation, the sooner she can focus on you and the marriage and what needs to happen to recover.

But that's down the line a ways...if he is cutting her off, it will get worse before it gets better. WD may be just starting and it is a process. But, it's not your problem, it's hers. All you can do is focus on doing a great Plan A and hope that she will snap out of it eventually.

You are doing a great job!

Thanks LaLa,

Supper went off real well. Now check this out... The kids want to go bowling, so I invited her to come, and she said she would like that. She's gone for a little nap first, but before doing so she mentioned both of us going to ring in the New Year with the neighbours. The walk did her some good, ahe was in a much better mood, and stayed away from my ODD.

So far so good...

Bowling is always fun on NewYears. It is the same kind of bowling we have in the states? Or some kind of weird lawn bowling?

I wish I had a potroast. I'm cooking goat. I don't like it but some of my neighbors are from Mexico, and it is a New Year's tradition there.

Good for you! Keep up the good work TMTS!

Believer...GOAT! Wow, I think I might need some pot for that goatroast <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Wow, TMTS,

You are doing awesome.

Believer,
What does Goat taste like?

We just got back from Bowling (No regular 5 pin bowling, no weird Canadian bowling on ice) It went off OK, no altercations between WW and ODD. WW and I sat and had a drink while the kids played in the arcade...I can feel the hate in her eyes. 20 Years together and she has a hard time looking at me. I know I shouldn't let it get to me and it's probably guilt but I can't handle the pain. (Sorry for the self pity). Now we are going to the neighbor’s house and I'm not looking forward to the strike of midnight because I have no idea how I will react...or how she will react. I will give her a hug and try to give her a kiss, but I don't hold much faith that she will let me.

Hang in there. NO need to hug her if she is feeling hateful. Just relax and have fun.