You're too funny...eh!

TRUTH and LOVE.

It's the fact that these changes are a part of you, not something you are doing for HER.

It's REAL. She can try and deny, but that would be a LIE..

You're right, because she did mention things about this being good for when I meet someone new. Still very foggy.
The only concern I have is this feeling of hers that she missed out on the "party girl" phase of the early 20s. I don't know if this will go away with the fog or if it's something completely on its own.

Oh, her poker face is really good. She got home from work and started talking to me like nothing happened last night. Even this morning, when I got up with her and made her pancakes, I could tell that she was nervous I would bring it up. She's gone shopping with ODD right now, so well see what she's like when she gets back, but I suspect that she's back to the "everything will work out" mode.

Have any of the FWW experienced the "I missed my party girl" days? And did you feel that it was part of or separate from the fogginess?

Remember that hug last night... I should not have let go, because it might have been the last one....

my WH is saying the same thing about missing out on the single life.... so i know what you mean there TMTS.... not that i understand it at all

Awww... TMTS... I'm so sorry... this has to be really rough on you.

Everyone is right, this is the home stretch of plan A... you need to make this your strongest plan A yet... because right now reality is LOOMING, ready to smack her out of her fog (hopefully). Give her the best plan A you've got! Let her go-- and if the Harley's recommend (I think they usually do, from what I've read)-- plan A her for 2 weeks or so after she's gone.

Then... its time for a heavy dose of reality and some TMTS protection... in the form of PLAN B!

You've done an EXCELLENT plan A thus far... and she's being a foggy idiot. Reality is looming... I know this takes a ton of strength right now, but BEST PLAN A EVER TIME! So THESE will be her final memories of living at your house... and when she's lonely at night... she'll wonder why she left!

I haven't lost faith even though she's moving. Not to be mean, but for as foggy as she is, I kinda expected it. But I also know the heavy dose of reality she's in for... and how that really has a way of lifting fog (been there, done that!).

But the better your plan A... THE HARDER REALITY WILL SMACK HER. So don't forget that. Better plan A for now = harder reality smack = more DE-FOGGING! (which is the goal, right??).

Don't lose hope now. I know that's hard.... but I haven't lost hope. Plus, remember that OM is pushing her away now too... so he's helping you out right now with that reality check deal. Really, the way I see it, you are holding all the cards right now... and the reality check is going to be hard for her, with the great plan A you've been doing!

Good luck TMTS... I know you can do this in the next 2 weeks! Vent here, plan A her there!

You'll be in my prayers...

RIM

Missed party girl days?? HAHA... oh yeah... I said that same thing. I think I even tossed something in there about missing out on them all together, since we had been together since we were so young, I said something along the lines of "I missed out on the time to "sow my wild oats" etc etc". HAHAHA....

Its amazing how we all say the same crap. It really, really is. Really, its like being a WS re-programs your brain to only have a few (heartless) sayings, and that's it.

She'll realize that the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. Yeah, the party girl is fun... for a bit. Then it gets old too.

RIM

She puts it as "I feel like I missed out on something"
I was 19 she was 17 when wet met. Do you want to hear the boring story of how that happened...?

So it is fog speak? God I hope so.
How do you think I did last night? None of that was bull, all right from the heart which is something I have had trouble with in the past.

you did wonderful..... you truely did and i am glad your wife responded to you in such a way as she did.

TMTS,

Hey buddy, I am so PROUD of you and the way you handled the "moving" conversation". Honestly, if you haven't said all that and cried she would have thought that you didn't care or were moving on without her. That conversation was VERY important, and will come back to haunt her sooner or later (I have been following, its just that sometimes I don't have time to reply...so don't think I don't care).

You didn't unravel your A game, you added a BIG play to it.

I hope you see my thread today and what I posted about what the sermon was at church today. I also thought of you and many others on here during the sermon. It was about "Being Strong and Courageous". You know, one of the central themes around here. You my friend are one of the more stronger and courageous ones on here.

Personally, I think he does so well because he is a male. Not to take anything away from you TMTS. But even Dr. Harley states that women cannot handle Plan A as long as women. It is much harder to keep our emotions in check and harder for us to keep our "poker" face going.

Anyway, TMTS, you know what to do before she moves out, and you have enough drive to do it. Just keep up the awesome work, and God will honor you one way or another.

Not2fun

ps....you got my laundry done yet???

my wh said he missed out on the partying because we got together so young... bull cr** we partied earlier than most (we were in Germany) Thick fog!!!

I'm sure the time you spent with your WW last night will leave a very good lasting impression on her and when life gets rough on the outside she'll be begging to come home!!

Soon,

I pray for that to happen every day.

You do laundry by mail? I'm IN....

LOL,

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

What about meals by mail? This could be a new business for you.

TMTS-

I was away all weekend, so I'm just getting caught up on all of the threads. I'm sorry that you had some rough days this past week - hopefully, this week will be better for you.

I read this line from one of your posts and almost fell out of my chair:


This is EXACTLY what I have been telling some of my friends about my WW. I feel like even though she has ABSOLUTELY no idea of how to get to where she wants to go (out of our M), she is bound and determined to stumble her way through it regardless of the damage done along the way. Couple that with wanting NOTHING to do with even TRYING to work on saving the M, and it leaves me completely frustrated at times.

The only thing that we can do is to continue to pray and seek guidance from our experienced friends here in implementing the plan(s) and improving ourselves. If our WSs can't or won't see what they're missing, then maybe we'll be better off without them.

I think we've both come to this realization in the last week. It's like Lala says, "I am Woman hear me roar". At first I was concerned for her, now I say to myself, "Lady, you could be happy and have a fantastic life with me if you choose to, but if not then so be it and good luck because you'll need it". I know it sound a little insensitive but it's a consequence of her choice.

Let me ask you something. Did your WW tag the responsibility of her own happiness to you? Be it during or before the A.

It sounds insensitive, but it's the truth. Believe me, soon after D-Day, I would tell her that I was more worried about her getting hurt by leaving than me getting hurt. The difference between then and now is that I still worry about her, but I don't worry so much about me anymore. I KNOW that I will make the woman that I am with EXTREMELY happy b/c of what I have learned in the past 3+ months. If WW is FORTUNATE enough to be that woman, then good for her. If not, and this certainly seems more likely, then she will have to face the consequences.

It's funny too, that she has told other people that everything (including her A) is my fault (no surprise) and that b/c I didn't do what I should have done (meet her ENs when she told me time and time again) that I will have to suffer the consequences.

She hasn't directly tied her happiness to me, but in a round about way, she has. Like I said above, she told me many times (read: I'm an idiot guy who just didn't get it) what she NEEDED from me in order to feel secure in the relationship. I guess from that you could derive that her happiness was my responsibility.

I know we are on different sides of the proverbial fence TMTS... but your last post is SO something I am struggling with right now (STILL don't know how to do the fancy quote, thingy, sorry! I tried once and it failed miserably... haha).

H pegs responsibility for his happiness on me right now... and yes, before, I really just wanted to see him be "happy". That was what I wanted more than anything-- so much so, that I was willing to give up my own happiness for that. But then again, I sit there and think, um, you IDIOT... opportunities for your own happiness are STARING YOU IN THE FACE... and you are doing PUSHING THEM AWAY... punishing yourself, making yourself miserable... and then BLAMING ME!

And I feel the same way. H has a lot of personal issues he needs to work though, and running away to some city all the way across the country and "starting over" isn't going to FIX them. And, I know the way he thinks, he thinks if he can just have a "clean slate" he won't make the same mistakes... that he can avoid them. And truthfully, I think that will be true-- until he settles into another relationship for the long haul. I think he's VERY good at impressing people-- and truthfully any girl that meets him is going to think that I was CRRRAAAZZZZY for "letting him get away" and for everything that happened (I'm sure the story he sells this new hypothetical girl is not going to include any mistakes he's made... heck, he's still convinced he's innocent here!-- its going to be ALLLLL my fault... I'm an adulterous ******, that's going to be me...). I can see it now... but 6 months down the road-- once they get all comfy with each other, I think this is all going to "re-surface".

So-- I feel the same way. Quite frankly, I'm getting a little resentful because I feel like. ******, any guy in his right freakin' mind would give his left arm for a wife like me right now. Damn, I've goddessed up-- been garnering compliments from people at work, and caught a few strangers staring.... (even got a new haircut this weekend!), and have taken over ALL the household duties just about... been taking care of him while he's so busy at work... and have tried my very, very hardest to be there for him and fight for this... oh yeah, and I am a D*MN good cook too (learned that from my mom... she's a great cook!). What is there NOT to love??

So-- if he wants to "run away and start over"-- good luck to him too. And I hope he really can evaluate and change some things about himself before he leaps into another relationship-- but I doubt he will. According to him, he's totally innocent, and has nothing to change about himself, no problems whatsoever. He's also convinced that this will never happen to him again if he runs away and starts over.

So-- if he decides to run away, good luck to him too-- because he's gonna need it too. And I hope he finds the happiness he's so desperately searching for (but is right under his nose...).

Feeling a little BITTER this morning--

RIM

Somehow sent the same post twice to your thread. Deleting the duplicate.

Sorry!

RIM