TMTS,

You've got mail.

Mark

TMTS,

I'm checking in on your and man, do you have some awesome people holding you up. I am thinking about you and miss talking to you. I appreciate you stopping by on my thread. I have had a very rough day and I so appreciate you sending that thing.

You are the best. Your W is an idiot. Plain and simple.

Hope today is a better day for you.... thoughts and prayers are with you and your family

LOL, I'm not use to seeing quotes like this from you... I like it. Yes, you should hear her BF go on about the idiot line. It's quite funny.

The talk she had with her M last night was not pretty, she's getting more and more indignant with her, and all MIL trying to do is make her seen some reason. WW either realized or was told directly that their relationship would never be the same. MIL and FIL are as hurt as my DDs and I are about this. She's loosing all of her past relationship and yet she doesn’t seem to care. Every year we go visit the ILs around her birthday (Which is her move day BTW) and go out for dinner to celebrate both her's and her B's b-day. MIL asked to talk to me after they were done to invite me and told me that she didn't even consider changing the date to invite WW. The talk she had with her M last night really hurt her, not that it will make any difference. It must hit them real hard when they come out of this...Lala please remind me how this can all change on a dime.

Thanks LH, I'm better this morning, though I didn't sleep last night, just tossed and turned thinking about my life alone. Just kind of anxious about it, not really scared, I've just never really experienced loneliness and am not sure what to expect.

Just a little moral support, but I think this revelation to your WW was PERFECT ... it gives her something COMPLETELY different to think about.

She has to be thinking that YOU can move on and be seen as a very attractive option with a bright future ahead of you, while she is going to have to wallow in this cluster#%&* that SHE'S caused ... TRUE, her fogged up mind may see some potential future with the OM, but she will still have to face being only a part time Mom, with little or no support from her parents and other family members, plus she will likely find a distance between herself and her friends also.

I think its a reality that will start to sink in rather quickly.

You just threw her a he11 of a "curveball", that likely has her very confused and THINKING.

MR, thanks for the boost. The look of shock on her face was great. For the first time last night she was crying about how the relationship with her parents is now falling apart. I think MIL really laid it out for her and made her realize that the consequences go beyond me and the kids. The bonus out of this is that I sat beside her and didn't listen like a man (I didn't try to fix anything), I listened, asked a question or two and asked her if she was ok. She thanked me for listening afterwards. I'm still sad at the fact that she is moving, but maybe this is what she needs to do for reality to set in.

If she does move out, you've given her something COMPLETELY different to think about ... now its not just about HER and making herself happy ... she will also be sitting around wondering what YOU are doing, and IF you may be out with someone else.

She will see you as NOT just sitting there pining away for her WITHOUT other viable options, and being the unconditional safety net, if she decides to R. Now SHE feels threatened that HER options have now just gotten smaller.

I agree. Are you still planning on continuing Plan A after she moves out? (if she moves out, it will surprise me a little if she does)

Tyk,

Yes I was talking to Jennifer and the plan is to go Plan A for 2 weeks to a month after the move then go to a dark plan B.

Many have said that they would be surprised, but her fog babble is so strong and she seems to have the "I am woman hear me roar" thing really pushing her. At this point I don't know where she's at. This is starting to feel all too real and in her eyes this is reality. I am working under the assumption that the A is still active, but I have no proof either way. (Nothing on the recorder). I have laid out my feelings to her and what I would want to see happen, so she's has no confusion as to where I stand. The ball is now in her court, but I think she is winding up to send it back. One week to go so we shall see. I just wish I cold have the same confidence that people here have. To me she's just got a real good poker face or she is so far gone that it is completely and utterly real to her.

Here's another line I used yesterday...
I told her that I would miss her once she left and just hopped that she would miss me as well, therefore why I would prefer we got a temporary LSA.

I was talking to MIL last night and everybody I know is praying for her to reconsider what she is doing. I still love her and am willing to do the work it takes to foster a new M where she can be happy.

TMTS...

Hey there kiddo! I hope you didn't think I'd forgotten about you! I haven't been around as much lately and plus you've been in really good hands, so there wasn't much to say...Just droppin' by to let you know that you are still in my thoughts and prayers! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Have you ever read any of Mortarman's story? I think it would be an inspiring one for you to read if not...

Mrs. W

I don't want to sound like a broken record, but remember Plan A is ABOUT YOU. You making those changes and becoming the person you want to become because of who you are.

How it effects a foggy alien we JUST DON'T KNOW. Somehow you and I have to REALLY come to understand that what is happening over this is G-d generated just like what's happening to us, just different.

We can all suppose what is happening, but we REALLY don't know, only G-d does. You and I get caught up in that, wondering if this is working or that and it's taking away from the work that G-d is doing in us. Like Mimi reminds me all the time... KEEP the FOCUS on You. This is YOUR plan.

Now, the fact that her M is willing to give her a taste of what will be like is nothing short of a miracle and you should feel really lucky for that. Remember, sometimes the best plan is to just be still... Let G-d work out what he is working out and stay steady on the course which is becoming the man that G-d always envisioned for you.

{{{{{{{{{{{TMTS}}}}}}}}}}} You are doing amazing and are getting such comfort from G-d. Did you read what Mark wrote about comfort?

SG,

Don't you dare tell anyone that you are too new to help out anymore. Ya hear me? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mark

YES SIR.....

I am a little leary that I will give out bad advice or thoughts.

Well Hi there funny lady...

You and BK had me laughing my head off this morning reading TTH's party thread.

Well we are getting down to the crunch and she a tough nut to crack. So we'll see what happens. I can tell you though that her M really got to her last night.

Thanks for the prayers... my bible is getting ruined because I sleep with it clutched in my hand.

TMTS- This was one of the final straws for me. When I told my mom everything that happened and she was, shall we say, LESS than SUPPORTIVE. She told me (as a BS) that this stuff was NOT that easy to recover from and then proceded to grill me on every aspect of my life and just what the he!! I planned on doing to support our kids, etc. You know...all the logical stuff that the wayward mind just HATES to think about!

After we hung up (I was angry at her-apologized the next day) I sat there and cried and cried and tried to come up with answers to her questions. I couldn't. This was the day W2S had told me he wanted a D. I called her right after he went to work. I don't know what I expected her to say, which is more of that frame of mind-just fling crap at the wall and see what sticks...This is a big reason I was such a mess when DH got home from work that night. I realized I was totally ALONE in this mindset and in the path I was choosing. All of a sudden, everything was REAL. I think I almost had a nervous breakdown that night. Had DH been anything but loving and sweet (what else could he be than what he is!)...had he pushed me away and said "Nope-this is what you deserve" or something like that, I'd probably be in a padded room playing with invisible butterflies. The whole world I had created in my silly head for a year and a half had completely crumbled. The way W2S reacted to me made all the difference. He is truly amazing, and I will never be able to express to him how much that meant to me. I feel like in a big way, he saved my life that night.

Sorry, didn't mean to ramble...Hope your day gets better!! Thank your lucky stars that you have so many people in your corner...especially HER parents. It may prove to be the deciding factor in your case as well.

Hi there to you too,

It feels good to laugh, doesn't it.

Have I ever told you what my old sponsor says? The universe is unfolding exactly as it should be in spite of whether we like it or not. Yes, she may be a tough nut to crack, but you are a tough nut committed to your walk right now. So keep doing YOUR PLAN, and leave the tough nut to crack with G-d.

Bibles don't get ruined. They get loved and held. That's what they are there for. To be held and used. I know a novel concept. Just think of the gift you can leave one of your children as the book that gave you the strength to walk through one of the darkest periods of your life. Keep clutching it and maybe write a note to your children in that book how it is helping you and you are passing that on to them.

Pretty corny I know, but just who I am. I cry at the Brady Bunch....:)

Thanks Lala, Queenie. I'm not doing to bad emotionally, I'm just going through a little anxiety from stinkin thinkin that's all. Yes last night was tough and I did have to leave the room before I broke down, but it was only a couple of minutes, than it was done. Lala, she doesn’t seem to care that she has no support, that's she's alienating all her family and friends. Truly foggy. Everybody thinks that her reasons for not one ending the A and two working on the M are ridiculous, so she will truly be alone.

T/J to Skinsgal...I don't think you need to worry about that at all! Your posts here are some of my VERY favorites to read...Hmmm, how to express this??? There was something familiar to me about your posts...a sense of calm about you...a peace...It wasn't until last week that I learned that you are a member of AA...Can I just tell you how much I think of that program and what it does for the people who work the steps...Wow, it is nothing short of amazing to me, a miracle from God...I have found that A LOT of my most favorite people in the world are members of AA-my closest girlfriend here is...What a blessing that program is...Our church has a 12 Step program that meets on Monday nights...Our pastor encourages EVERYONE to go and work the steps...He himself works them for PRIDE...Anyway Skinsgal, I just thought you should know how special and important that I think you are around here...((((SG))))<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

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Mrs. W

This COULD be ALL PART OF G-DS PLAN...

KEEP to YOUR PLAN.... and the rest will be as it should.

This is a HUGE stretch, but I just realized that Mimi is constantly putting these thoughts and insights into my head. I wonder if she is trying to get me to STOP THINKING about WH and just concentrate on ME.. You know that movie Karate Kid something or other..... where he has him working on the bonsai tree, slowly, methodically, and the kid has no idea until one day. Mimi, slowly and methodically keeps reminding me of things. I wonder if it's to get us to stop thinking of the WW altogether and just CONCENTRATE ON WHAT WE ARE DOING... That was hard. What do you think? LOL

WOW, Mrs. W your words MEAN ALOT TO ME. Thank you. Truly thank you. You have touched my heart with your insights and kindness. Thank you.

This is a blessing from G-d. NO ONE, in my life would ever REFER to me and PEACE in the same SENTENCE. I need to give G-D all the GLORY on this. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It truly saves peoples lives and gives them a program to work daily. This program helps to discipline me where there was no discipline and be guided without thinking... I hope that makes sense.

He must be a very special man.

Hi Queenie,

She is right, your input here is very valuable.

As for working on me... that's a given and the things I have changed are pretty big. I much more to do and I hope to get the chance to work on recovery, that's all. Just hoping out loud. I gave up trying to control any of her actions, but the analyzing, well that's allot harder to do.

I am not looking forward to next weekend!!! We talked about what she is bringing out of the home. she is only interested in personal items and some of the little chichkas that are all over the place and collect dust. (I came close to telling her that if she does come back to leave those behind. LOL)