Tmts,

Did you plan on leaving the house when she moved out? It sounds like she is expecting that if he is suppose to show up and help.

LC

Hey there from some of your souther support..... i love the news you got i would kill to be in your shoes. I am right there with LaLa and W2S. I hope everything works out for you and your wife wakes up. I really do for you and your daughters sakes.

Ps. the munchkin says HI.

TMTS,

You didn't lose that new shirt last night, did you?

We need to get back to our reading plan one of these days. I haven't been naggin' ya 'cause I know you've been kinda busy. But I'll send you an email tonight or in the morning.

Mark

Hi Mark,

You are absolutely correct. I started up on that study bible, and am getting completely absorbed by it. I have yet to finish Exodus. I started from scratch on the NIV. So I'll finish that up tonight.

I've been reading love must be tough, but I should get back to the plan.

TMTS,

Finish LMBT first. You'll see why as you finish. We can catch up on what you have read in Exodus later in the week.

Mark

Neighbor called WW to come over about half an hour ago. I sure hope that she was able to get the OM online and convince him to break it off ASAP. If she did I'm not looking forward to what state of mind she will be in when she returns. I just need to stay calm, and shut up. Stay ready to catch her fall. I'm just nervous about the "Well are you happy now line". But I don't know, it could also be an "Oh my god I can't believe what I've done to you, yet you're still here" OR nothing... oh my the stinkin thinkin is real bad the last couple of days.

You know what to do regardless of the mood that she comes home in. Be still. Stay calm. You know what you're doing. You're the only adult in your home right now that KNOWS what he is doing. Don't forget that.

Most likely you will get the poker face again.

When will you get to talk to the neighbor to find out what transpired tonight?

LC

My gut is telling that she's looking for a way to stay and yet save face. I think she might be a little embarrassed and figures that if she goes, even for a couple of weeks then comes and says he dumped me then she saves face. I don't intend to hold anything against her if she does decide to stay, because the pain it will save everybody. But that could just as easily be wishful thinking.

Ya, you know, that I know, that you know. I'm cool.

TMTS,

Hey there. It sounds like things are going good on your side, even if they are a little nerve racking. Sorry I haven't posted in a couple of days, but I had DD11 bday to contend with. In 11 more days, it'll be DS8 bday with my nieces in between. So my posting will probably sporatic at best.

Hang in there, you know the drill. You have the moves mastered. And leave the rest in God's hands.

And for godness sake, stop letting the stinkin thinkin disrupt your sleep...(like I should talk...I know just preachin to the choir....lol).

I loved the door handle stuff. It sounds like she is conflicted between her pride and doing what she wants (I think she has cracked, but wants to save face now...). You know what they say "Pride cometh before the fall". So just keep up your A game....

not2fun

You ARE cool! And, you know, I've been thinking (explains the smoke!)...even if she doesn't get through to her, so what. The A is over, that's what matters. Even if they see each other during the move (if it happens) and he tells her it's over and shows himself to be the creep he really is, all the better for you! Like I said, the important thing is..it's over and you have done a great Plan A and have created a safe, loving atmosphere to catch her fall. You will be the hero here, no matter what!

I still strongly believe, though, that the day of the move, you need to speak your truth with no LBs. Let her know that you will be hurt, possibly beyond repair, if she starts dating. It really bothers me what she said to the neighbor about this. Up to you, though...just IMO.

Now quit that stinkin thinkin, mister!

Ok, 1:30am, I can't sleep and she's still at neighbors.
I'm praying that this is a good thing.

O.k., I just got done studying 3 chapters for the test. YAY!!!




I totally agree with this 100%. Explain it to her just like LaLa said. Then if your WW decides she's going to live the single life for awhile, you can protect yourself with a plan B and wake her up MUCH quicker. You have done an awesome plan A. You will be ready for plan B if this happens. You'll still have a few weeks to plan A WHILE you get your ducks in a row to go to plan B.

Think about it.

Night all!

She's still under the impression that the A is not over (So I think). I don't know what he told her but he’s supposed to come help her move on Saturday. (Only at the apartment, I have my snoopers keeping an eye out for him coming here) I'm guessing I will have more information tomorrow once I talk to the neighbor again. But LF was right, when she came in it was complete poker face, so I'm guessing nothing of consequence happened. OH well, we shall se tomorrow.

Is it a good sign that she still has not talked about the LSA since talking to the mediator on Sunday? She's talked about changing the name on the cable account (It under her name right now), filling out the bus pick up form for ODD, but the big one she has not discussed. I don't know maybe just more wishful thinking.

Hope all is well up there.

OM helping in the move - not good. Could this rekindle his feelings. I am sure that is why she may push forward. Since he is a player - he can go back and forth. Have you found a opening to have a talk with WW about this situation - a come to jesus meeting - not sure if advisable - just wanted to put out there for others to comment. Somehow - I think she may want to save face as well. Hard to figure a waywards mind

TMTS - need to stay strong. Wrap the taker up - its not over by far.

Your Plan A has been stellar. Have you seen any prep work on her end like packing her things etc for the move?

There has been nothing done in terms of packing things or getting her personal stuff together.

The general message that the neighbor got is that he doesn't have any feelings for her and has moved on. But you could be right that he intends to keep her on the side. I will know more this morning after talking to my neighbor as she spent 4 hours over there last night. What I keep finding stranger is that she is not talking about the LSA anymore. She got that call on Sunday to clarify a question she had, and I was expecting for her to talk to me about it that day. The other thing is that she is telling the neighbor that she doesn't want to close the door on our relationship and that she is having second thoughts about us. She was supposed to talk to me about that as well but, it has not come up. So I take it as her being even more confused than she has been.

I know that the war is not over, but this battle is really taking allot out of me, I’m back to not sleeping well and have had very little to no motivation to exercise.

Lala, Mrs.W. RIM, Lexxxy- Does this sound consistent with what you went through? Is this a good sign? I ask because when she is talking to me she gives no indication that she is rethinking things. She has been a little more outgoing since Friday but nothing concrete.

Bud,

You're dealing with a confused person. You need to accept that you will not figure her out. You're overthinking and it's doing nothing for you but driving your BP up, keeping you awake, and stressing you out.

Do not forget there is an agenda at work on her end and she will set you up to make it fit her plan. She'll be nice, tell you things you want to hear, and make you lower your guard. You will not see some sudden fog lift followed by huge remorse.

It's not going to happen.

She'll go on dates, maybe have SF, maybe be nice and friendly. It's confusing to you and it will play with your brain.

You may get the "I see us back together eventually, we just need a break for a little while to heal."

It's something many men hear and they fall for it often.

Don't be gaslighted and don't fall for the slivers of hope she'll throw your way now and then. She's a wayward and waywards have agendas and women waywards are especially cunning. Just do a little research on all the men who are alienated from their children or default in custody disputes because a wayward wife will say one thing and be setting up her escape while you're distracted with the flowery words, kindness, and false hope.

Hey, it happened to me.

Thanks Pom, I get your point. Just trying to hang on to any ray of hope at this point, that and the stress of this weekend being move day. Everything has been happening very fast in the last few days, and you're right she is confused to no end (From the info I get for the neighbor). In front of me, you would never even know there is something wrong. We interact better as separated couple in the same house than many couples I know. It is just very strange.

Right now I am laying my hopes on the POS OM that somewhere inside his sick little mind there is an ounce of decency that will let him to the right thing and let her go in a real ugly fashion...but I'm not counting on it, because if he did heave that he wouldn't be involved with a married woman.

Don't be so sure nothing of consequence happened. I was queen of the poker face. I was having a nervous breakdown over everything and my DH had no clue about anything including the A. I hid it all from him. But a person can only hide so much inside before it really takes a toll and it has to be released.

She might be in major denial over what OM is doing to her. Nothing stinks more than the day you (in the general sense) realize you are number 2 and on the side. Hopefully that will be the day your WW starts to see things for what they are.

I can still remember the day I clearly saw I was number 2 and number 2 just didn't work for me. It wasn't until then though that I had decided to take another look at my DH.

It is a process though. She isn't going to wake up one day and say "OK I'm back to normal." There is probably going to be a ton of baggage along with it. Besides withdrawal there will be the questioning about everything she has done, "OMG, how could I be so stupid?" or "How did I allow this to happen?" "Why did I let him use me?". I could go on all day with stuff like that.

Keep up plan A.

I also thought about this last night when I read about you wondering if she wanted to save face. Maybe she will tell you she dumped him, of course you know otherwise but it still could be her out.

LC

LC - I'm so sorry, it's not until now that I realized that you are a FWW as well. I just thought you had real good insight on the thinking process, now I know why. Duh... I had properly read your sig line...

The part I really have to be cognizant about in my plan is wanting to bring up R talk. Inside it's eating at me, and I want to know, fortunately I know better so I just shut up.

I think you are right about her being in denial about OM. Until she hears it from him, she will not accept it. I do think though that she has started taking a look at me again. She talks to the neighbor about some of my Plan A things and tried to make herself sound cold about it but the neighbor can see right through it and can tell that it is warming her heart.

I will know allot more once I talk to the neighbor this morning, so I hope that things will be looking rosier.

I know you have been keeping up with my thread, thank you. If you don't mind I will add you to my FWW consulting team.