No she hasn't. I think she's just been too busy taking care of other things. I'm sure it will come up next week.

Your modified plan A is really a 180 plan. Someone post it here if they haven't already.

You agree that this could all be to save face? I was surprised by that idea when it came up here a couple of weeks ago. I though, no, why. But when my F mentioned it I started thinking again that this may be the case.

And I thought that an apartment lease was usually 1 year. So why 3 months. I'm very much confused, but what you are saying cam explain it.

I so badly want to send him a message on Facebook. Just to see what he would answer. Nothing rude or threatening, just telling him that I still love my W and have not given up on us, and if he doesn't intend to pursue a serious relationship to let her go. I know probably a bad idea. It's just the base instinct wanting to take over.

You ar ethe better man, better than OM. The way to show your WW is to BE the better man.

When you get in competition, a slug match with the OM you lower yourself to his level.

You are better than that.

What generally happens when the OP is confronted by the BS is the OP runs whining, or angry to the WS and they both rally against the BS. And sometimes the law is involved. OP are quick to bring in the law to validate their side...that they are not doing anything wrong, but deep down they know they are and are afraid of the vengeance they are due. 8 times out of 10 it turns badly for the BS. Not good enough odds for me to support the decision to confront the OP.

I've got a new piece of information that may be helpful.
I have the name of the GF that he has denied and found her on Facebook. Should I ask if she is in a relationship with him and expose? The neighbor said he was living with her, and right after the discovery he removed her from his friends list.

I would write....

Dear Miss GF.

Do you know Mr. OM? And are you in a relationship with him. If so please contact me as I am the H of a W he is currently seeing.

If you are not, please disregard this message, and sorry for bothering you.

I vote that yes, exposure is good in this case, IF AND ONLY IF you can first verify that they do indeed live together. Otherwise, I would let it go. This guy is obviously a player, so you never know what sort of floozies he's picking up.

But if this woman lives with him, that implies a more steady, trusting relationship. And she deserves to know if the man she's LIVING with is cheating on her.

So-- as long as you are sure that she's living with him, I vote exposure. If they aren't living together, then I would proceed more cautiously and maybe gather some more info on her before you expose. They could just be "casually" dating and seeing other people at the same time if they aren't living together. But living together would suggest that its a serious, monogamous relationship (or, should be!)-- and she deserves to know in that case.

Just my 2 cents. Keep us updated!

RIM

I wouldn't know if it is a good idea or not, but congrats on finding out such a jewel of information!!!!

Maybe others can help you build a game plan.

Also, even if she is an ex, or otherwise, it would be good to approach her gently because of all the other information she may be willing to give like name, address, history, etc. some of it may shock the WS for possible lies and deceit on his part. If you approach her, be honest, let her decide for herself what a noble thing you are doing to save your marriage, she could possibly buddy buudy back up to him to provide more intel for you.

I haven't posted on your thread before, but I have been following it. My instinct would be not to contact GF.... yet. If they are living together, this could cause her to kick him to the curb. The next place he might turn to park his belongings is in your WW's new apartment.

I'm not saying don't, I'm just offering a scenario that you might not have considered.

Best wishes.

Unfortunately, you will likely get a person who hears what she wants to hear.

My ex made out with some guy in the parking lot of the local mall shortly after our D (yes, very classy, I know).

I found out he was one of her friends on myspace. I saw his site and saw he had a GF. I went to GF site and her site was all about how wonderful her man was and how in love with him she was.

I contacted her (this was almost 2 years ago) to let her know her man was making out with my ex wife (I still hadn't detatched emotionally from the ex, it was only 3 months after our D, and that was only 1 month after I came home from the war, clueless about what awaited me).

Her response was fog. She said that he told her he went out with her (my ex) only a few times and that she was full of problems and clingy and that the sex wasn't very good.

Sooo, her basic response was to protect her relationship with him and believe him, especially since she was living with him with her kids.

So don't expect co-operation and miracles. He's a player, so he's good at lying and is likely to lie very well to his GF. Now, if you give her proof that he's with your W, that may be different. Perhaps it would be good to go to your W's place on Saturday and take a pic or video of them together or him helping her move and then give it to the GF as undisputable proof of the A.

Just a thought.

This is exactly why I put this on the board first. The only senario where ti would be helpful if she did, is if she agrees to talk to my WW.

I like this idea, or even see if she would meet up with me somewhere an I could show her first hand. Let her confront him.

Yes, she is trying to save face. Absolutely. She knows she has been rejected by this man and she is embarrassed looking back on their almost non-existant relationship that she took waaaayyyyy too seriously and is about to lose her family over. She is very naive. I think she was really focused on the fact that he moved in with his sister to be closer to her, when that may have only been a small part of his eqation for moving. The move is her last-ditch effort to "see what might happen." She truly has very little idea how lonely she is going to be.

On another note-I just read about the GF....

My first instinct was NO! Because you don't want her kicking him out and for him to go running back to your W. But then I think yes, because if they are living together, she deserves to know. My next thing is the fact that he is NOT currently seeing your W...so that part isn't exactly TRUE! He has completely blown her off-she is just not willing to accept that fact. I would say wait until tomorrow-see if he shows up to help her, find out if he broke it off with her. If he keeps stringing her along, then expose immediately (because then he WILL be trying to keep your W in the picture and cheating on the live-in GF). At this point, he isn't (or not really).

BTW-What FUN activity do you have planned for tomorrow for yourself and your girls?

Ooooh, I like your idea better. Catch him red-handed and really put it to him. Of course, you would need to be absolutely sure that he was going to be there or you'll look like a whack job.

You sure he's going to help her?

If you're sure, then contact her and let her know that her BF is looking to hook up with your W. He might lie to her and tell her he's going out to see his buddies and catching him in a lie would be great as well.

Plus it provides you with some satisfaction of crumbling this mess in front of your WW and showing her what kind of a scumbag the guy really is.

Your idea is better!

Well I guess the question is... is HE living with HER or is SHE living with HIM? Because everyone is assuming that SHE'D kick HIM out and HE'D end up with WW... but isn't it equally as plausible she'd pack her things and go (ie, he would keep his apartment?).

I agree, proceed cautiously. I think I need to know whether or not this girl "thinks" she's in a stable, monogamous relationship that is serious... or if this is just "fun" for her too. I guess I need more information to make a decision. Is there any way to find out what she thinks of her relationship with OM first?

And yes, there is a concern that if GF dumps OM, he's gonna go back to WW too. That is a concern. I just don't know how serious he is about the new GF to answer that...

Hmmm.... TMTS we need more intel!!! Get on that neighbor!

RIM

I've been so concentrated on these last few days of Plan A that I had not thought about it. We are going to visit my parents and going out for dinner with my ILs (The dinner is the yearly Birthday dinner for my BIL and my WW...Yes she is moving out on her B-Day). Other than that, I know my F got a new laptop he needs help with. I will contact my B and SIL and see if we can come visit. The girls love it there and my SIL loves having them there because there are not many girls in the family, so she gets to do all the girly things she can't do with her boys, and the girls just love it.

The intel I have on that is that he is living with her. Up until a little while ago (And from what he told my WW) he was living at his sister's. (Sorry, I wish I had that contact).

I've got my finger on the triger right now! The message is writen and all I need to do is hit send.

Here is the message... (I haven't sent it) this is through Facebook

Dear miss XXXXXXXX

My name is XXXXand I live in XXXXXX. I had seen last week that you were in a relationship with POS OM. If this relationship is serious, please call me as he is lying to you as he is involved with my wife. I can prove it to you he is planning to help her move tomorrow. If you are not involved with POSOM, then please disregard this message and sorry for taking your time.

Please call me at XXXXXXXXX(cell), XXXXXXXXXXX (home)

I don't think it's bad. Make sure you put on the subject line "Roy XXXX may be cheating on you. This isn't spam" since it could be interpretted as such.

Do it! Send it!

TMTS -

Wait for other advice - is there a rush??

My concern is that this is a player, if he gets kicked out of GF place - you just might as well just invite him to your WW place starting this weekend.

I am truly humbled and grateful to you for your kind words. Thank you.

You are getting some amazing input. I am following along and since I really can't advise at this point, I can tell you how proud I am of what you have accomplished and contineu to do.