If you do don't forget your ice fishing gear... We fish for whitefish this time of year. In a month you go for 20-30 lbs. salmon.

Yes sir, hold tight TMTS. OM's ship is sinking. Your WW might feel like going down with the ship right now, but she'll eventually swim to shore and you'll be there to throw her a life preserver and drag her to safety.

may I ask if the OM is the father? There sure are some twists to this - Glad you didnt send - too unpredictiable - you and WW are at a delicate point now.

That is the news, but neighbor is trying to confirm.

Does this OM play in the NBA or something? How many women (and kids) is he planning on keeping around? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I talked to the neighbor and got the details about this POSOM. He is playing both of them, he is living with the GF and he is planning on keeping a relationship with my WW. This poor girl knows nothing. Is it really still time to stay still? He's helping my WW move tomorrow then probably having his fun with her and telling this girl that he's helping a friend. Someone give me a good reason why I should not expose right now.

I remember a couple of weeks ago people being all over W2S and Lala to expose, tell me how this is different?

I think your WW will try to find a way to twist this and blame you somehow if you get involved.

You are in the driver's seat and this guy will obviously write his own death sentence soon. Like I said, you can hammer some nails in the coffin, but WW has to be the one to bury him.

If you do this now, YOU will be the one trying to solve HER problems and I think she'll detest you for that. We just determined that she's trying to safe face by going thru with the move....don't rub her nose in it.

See if your neighbor can contact the GF for you or something like that. She needs to find out, but see if you can do it without your WW finding out that it's YOU doing it. Exposure happened already....you are deep into plan A now and have WW loving you again....I don't think you should take a step backward and give her any reason to detest you right now.

That's MHO as a rookie. See what everyone else says.

Wow i wish i had your patients TMTS...... Everyone here is right tho.... i wish i did have your patients i may be in a better spot than i am right now.

But i am learning that this needs to die on it's own no matter how much we all would like to stop our spouses bad decisions.. Please listen and please be still as everyone has told you.

You are rock solid and my inspiration here.

TMTS, I think OMGF has a right to know, just don't know if it should be on the eve of WW moving out.

OTOH, Maybe letting her get pi$$ed while she moves out would be better than doing it after she's already gone...

This is getting more difficult by the minute...

Let me ask you this question, if your wife explodes and starts spewing venom, can you remain cool and stay within the plan? Could you handle knowing that if OM gets booted by GF and ends up moving in with your wife, could you handle that?

That might be what will happen. But you need to tell OM's GF the truth as well.

You have to decide this yourself.

And no expectations that it will turn the tide and make her not move out or return home sooner. It might set you back about 2 or 3 weeks if OM is really a player and wimps out on his GF. If he has feelings for your wife as well as her having them for him, this could turn into a Queenie type of nightmare with them living together.

I'm not saying you aren't going to win this eventually. I just think you need to weigh the risk of trying to pull this off versus choking back the pain and working even harder to bring her home for good.

The only way this can have anything good come from it for you or OMGF is if she wants to fight for him as hard as you are fighting for your wife. And then the two of you need to confront the two of them together in the presence of several witnesses that can keep things under control for everybody.

And even then, you need to be prepared to walk away from your wife with OM taunting you from her bedroom window.

Can you tell I'm still leaning toward not pulling the trigger on this yet?

What if you could verify when he was on his way home to GF and expose to her during his drive? Could that be a doable thing? Then he would already be away from your wife, you could be hanging out in case he tried to return (have overwhelming force with you...three or four hockey players, not curlers... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

At least that way you would be able to cut him off from returning to WW's pad and make his life with GF he!! at the same time. But you have to cover both bases at the same time. Exposure to GF alone is likely to cause her to blast away at him, even throw his a$$ out and then he will have no qualms about running to his side-sweetie for comfort.

I have to go home to MY sweetie before she changes the lock....I'll check back later.

Think about how you could expose AND prevent him from turning up at your wife's door.

That would be the only way I would chance it right now.

Dang...I don't get enough gray hair from dealing with my own kids?

Mark

Ok, so I am the only one who told you to push send. Perhaps too hastily, from the feedback everyone's given.

My advice is to have N go if she wants or to go yourself and take pics from a distance to give to GF.

You can then send the pics, if he's there and somehow kissing your W or something, and send her the pics.

Then again, seeing that would prompt the adrenaline and testosterone to kick in, so it probably isn't a good idea.

This may be one giant and painful pill to swallow.

I think you should just show up and let him know you're on to his game and that he needs to leave and go back to his pregnant GF before you decide to contact her and really F up his life just as he's F ing yours.

All I know is that I couldn't sit idle at home knowing that my W is with OM.

Another poster here bought tickets to surprise his wife on a trip where she planned a secret rendezvous with OM. He showed up and it was a wonderful weekend for them after he sabotaged any idea this guy might have had to show up.

These men are cowards and will back down from a confontation. This guy you're dealing with sure is one too.

Can I ask how it is that the neighbour is able to get all this info on OM? And how you are finding out about the GF? Are any of the sources for that information able to be the one who tells WW?

Because if it is YOU that tells her, she will certainly resent (mild word for hate your guts) you for bursting her bubble, and you will see your fantastic Plan A go up in smoke in a flash.

You don't want that, do you? After all your wonderful work?

I believe she is as close to I have seen anyone on these boards at rethinking her affair. You are making roads back to her heart. Please do not put up a road block!

Nina

Tmts,

I agree with Mark. They key words being "don't tell her YET."

WW in her fantasy world thinks OM is going to be around all the time. Won't she be surprised when he's too busy with real life to see her? That is where your awesome plan A comes into play. You will start to look better than OM because you will be meeting her needs.

Also the seed has been planted that he does indeed have a GF and that is bouncing around in her head. The doubt is there let it work a bit.

If you expose to GF today it will have less of an effect on OM than if you wait just a bit. Let WW see how boring it is out in the real world when she isn't surrounded by her family.

LC

This is an idea - can you pull this off ? I dont know I can handle knowing and letting the OM re-enter my wife's life. So take any advice with a grain of salt due to my perspective. I agree pomd3 on the emotions. Just dont want you to do something that will drive your WW to the OM. Its all timing.

Still leaning on crowding the OM some how.

Allow me to offer a slightly different perspective here.

We might be assuming that OM is planning to stick with his GF, and use your WW as someone on the side.

Perhaps there is an alternative scenario - he's planning to move in with your WW and he's gaslighting his GF until your WW has moved in and he's ready to move in with her.

This might assist you in deciding where and when is the best time to expose to his GF. Maybe you can give the OMGF your WW's number to contact for further information about the OM. That might turn out to be an interesting conversation... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

TMTS,

Could you make this happen tonight with the neighbor's help. What I'm contemplating, but I want other input here before you go off and do what I am recommending here, is assuming your wife goes to the neighbor's house tonight, you follow shortly thereafter, and you and the neighbor tell her that you now know that not only does OM have a GF he is living with, but that she is pregnant as well. And then tell her you are going to call the GF and tell her about OM and your wife.

Just know that this will NOT go well.

The expectations you SHOULD have include:

Your wife will be madder than you could imagine in your worst nightmares.
Your wife will move out on schedule and not do it under friendly circumstances.
The limits of your ability to remain in control of your temper and AOs will be tested beyond belief.

Possible outcomes include:
OM will be living with your wife by tomorrow night at this time.
Your wife will be alone at her new place dreaming up ways to get even with you for ruining her life.
OM brings a bunch of his friends over to kick your a$$.
Or just maybe, your wife breaks down and falls into your arms for comfort as the nuclear holocaust spirals around her long enough for the fog to vaporize.(wouldn't hold my breath waiting for this one)

If if it's that last of those, it ain't gonna be pretty.

Let's have some discussion fats folks. This no longer has much shelf life.

The other option that seems more sane to me is to try to expose to OMGF tomorrow either after he leaves for home or while he is there.

Another possible option would be to pull the trigger early in the morning before OM leaves to help your wife move.

Any way you use this info, you are gonna catch absolute he!! one way or the other and you need to have serious expectations of that.

But you can survive her being mad, just not sure if the marriage can survive the fantasy any longer.

Yeah, I know. Complete flip=flop. Maybe I should enter politics.

I'm liking MIM's idea as well...

I don't know man. This has gotten way out of my league.

Mark

is it possible that TMTS has enough balance in her love bank to pull this off ? I wonder - he might. Just dont have enough info on the dynamics of her infatuation with the OM.

Mark,

You have nailed all the scenarios - I think. Is there a way that the neighbour can share this information with his wife without TMTS involvement ?

Have to think about this. I still think somehow the re-ignition of the A has to be halted. OM is going to help move and have a bit of fun tmrw night - whether he ever returns or not - she is going to be off in a deeper fog.

rwinger,

That's just it, neighbor has already told her that OM has the GF. But of course OM being the wiener boy that he is has buffaloed TMTS's wife about it.

Real piece of work, that one.

Mark

What about the news of the pregnancy ? that brings it to a different level.

Here is my suggestion. Thinking on it all day...my house is now FILLED with smoke, thank you VERY much! Sheesh!

1. (God I love lists!) Get with the neighbor. Set it up so that SHE calls the GF tomorrow the minute your W makes her first trip over there. Make sure she tells the GF that OM has broken up a family with 2 children and plans on playing both of them.

2. Have your N explain that he is seeing your W and is currently there with her if she wants to "bust" him. Have her give the OMGF the location. Have her tell the GF that WW does not know what is going on, so they are BOTH being played. (this is imperative to avoid a physical confrontation between your W and GF).

3. Have your N get back to you after this is completed and give you a gage of her reaction (GF).

4. What you can do from here is your choice...you could completely stay out of it and remain "dumb" to what is going on. OR you could just happen to do some spying to see when the fireworks happen and be close by in case things get out of hand. If you walk in in the middle of it, act completely surprised..."what the he11 is going on, here?" Then, kick him and his GF out- tell this POS if he ever comes around and hurts your W again, he will answer to you... and then comfort your W. Tell her you are so sorry the OM turned out to be so dishonest and is there anything you can do for her...don't run him completely down, just something nice and general so she doesn't suspect your involvement...you just came over to see if you could help her move stuff, after all..!

Whachoo think?