mimi,

I'm really sad too about some of the folks leaving....but I think it's important to keep on going and try not to feed the trolls, the cry babies, the bullies, or the meta-discussions. It's the healing threads that are the backbone of this forum....and there are still plenty of people who have no intention of leaving. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I agree with you, Star.

Telling myself TO TRY to stay focused on THE HEALING, including MY OWN.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

What's a meta-discussion, Star?

Not quickly enough!!! Also, I know there must be cases where they DON'T burn out. I hope my WS's is not like that.

a meta discussion is a discusion about the discussion....hehehehe.

momofone....yes there is a small....very small percentage of affairs that last. If you're in that small percent....it's a horrid place to be...but hopefully....you're in the majority. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Sometimes it takes up to 2 years....read believer's story!!

Are you saying 2 YEARS to end the affair????!!!! How could you live like that. I'm nuts just 2 months in....

Momofone

Take heart, and do not be discouraged.

Yeah, most end WITHIN 2 years.. and those that don't I've read typically end WITHIN 5.

That's not to say your H's won't end sooner than that.. but it's fairly accurate from everything I've seen and read here. The question typically is, does the BS wait that long.

Here's how I look at it.. you can take it or leave it.

When I made my vows to my wife, to God, and our families I promised the rest of my life to her. What is 2 years in that span? A drop in the bucket. If she -didn't- have the A, I'd still have been with her those two years.. so I can wait. My family is worth it to me.

You're stronger than I will ever be. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to go 2 years and live in limbo.

Perfect thread star. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

This is helpful to all. Not just newbies. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

This thread is positive and moving forward. I hope all stop by, read and share their thoughts.

You have made me smile and now I must leave for work. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

momo....there's an awful lot of us survivors around. We didn't think we could do it either.

Thanks Orchid.

Thanks Ace. FWH and I have not been posting to our threads much because, for some crazy reason, we have been targeted by so many trolls (or one troll with lots of names). They post nicey nice stuff to me, but rip FWH apart. Don't need that right now.

momofone,

When you get through the horrid shock and agony of the first few months, it gets easier. You WILL get much stronger as each day passes. None of us thought we could make it.

And none of us know for sure when it will end. My FWH's A lasted a little over 6 months.

WOW...did all of you cry alot at first? I considered it victory when I didn't cry Mon/Tue....but today is my counseling session so I consider this a cry day already.

You know, I remember having a sig line from an old Zeppelin tune that read -

"standing on a hill in a mountain of dreams; telling myself it's not as hard, hard, hard as it seems..."

And that is exactly how it felt, overwhelming, impossible, too much...getting past the pain enough to do what I had to do.

Bob P. will remember that sig line cuz it's from his old hippy days and he's a zephead.

Anyway, where does it end? For me, I am now standing ON the mountain, looking outward to higher mountains, but now there is joy in my step and I am armed with the knoweledge that I am strong.

Inner strength. that's one thing you are going to have a whole lot of after surviving this crap.

Where does it end? It doesn't, it changes to different challenges. For me, with my new marriage, I need to concentrate on having a great marriage. Just like babies, marriages don't come with instructions.

momofone.. I'm 4 months in, and the song says 'boys don't cry'.. well guess what.

I cry.

I sometimes find myself on my knees in the middle of the living room sobbing.

It's ok to cry.

It'll get better.. crying isn't for lack of strength. It's OK to mourn.

You have to realize that you are going through the same grieving process that you would with the death of a child or spouse.. something -very- integral to your life picture is gone now.

You also have to realize that the marriage you had before the A.. well.. it's over. Nothing will ever be the same agian. It's OK to be sad about that.

Now.. all that said, you can choose to dwell in the past, and in that sadness.. or you can CHOOSE to pick yourself up off the ground and fight for your M. It starts with respecting yourself enough, and finding the strength from somewhere (I found it through God and prayer) to face your challenges.. work the plans (which are often exactly the opposite of what our emotions would lead us to do).. and gather the hope that one way or another _YOU_ will recover and survive this.. even if your marriage does not.

Not all do.. but only you can choose whether yours is worth saving. I've made my choice.. if it takes another 2 months.. or 2 years at this point.. I'm not moving on until God tells me to EXPLICITLY.

What a great topic. What strength and wisdome we ALL have come to experience.

G-d's timing is perfect, though I don't really GRASP that yet. I can tell you from this book I began last night, read this morning and will finish up tonight I am somehow changed inside.

I too and as soon as yesterday just wanted to die and not feel the feelings anymore. This pain is something that is beyond catastrophic or able to put into words to those who have not experienced what we continue to experience daily.

This website is a gift from G-d because when I feel absolutely alone and no one understands I can come here and realize we ALL are in this together. And it is our TOGETHERNESS at helping each other walk through this that we humbly serve G-d and prepare ourselves somehow to receive the blessings he has planned for us.

Just look at the lessons we all are learning right now, look at how our we hit the dark valley's and look up to G-d. That's what he wants, for us to see him and reach for him in our darkest hours of need. He wants to be our Shepherd and lead us.

G-d knows where this ends. We DON'T and CAN'T b/c he has plans for us, bigger than we can even imagine.

I encourage you to read Psalm 23 and look at the deeper meaning and understand that we are living this and there is a reason why we are living it, one that we may not grasp yet. But there is a purpose.

SG, MY SISTER!! This is EXACTLY my BELIEF, TOO..

So many times I said to myself: "Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of MY ENEMIES...I shall FEAR NO EVIL for thou ART WITH ME...

Yes, during many nights when I was SOBBING..not knowing how I was going to make it...and HE was there holding me IN HIS ARMS..

AMEN, SG...

Star,

I just want to put my vote in there with Ace and say that I too want to hear your story. I hope that you can find time to put together a synopsis for those of us out here who need encouragement.

I'm looking forward to reading all about it!!!

Mimi,

There is SO MUCH to be learned, but first laying down and letting G-d become your Shepherd and truly understanding what that means is HUGE.

I am just beginning that walk. IT IS a walk I want to learn and completely understand. IT'S the ONLY PATH TO PERSONAL RECOVERY.

AMEN INDEED!!!

If any of y'all get a chance, would you give our new member romekar some encouragement.