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Oh good god, some of you are going to get this thread locked, too. Proud of yourselves?
First things first...K, what a blast from the past...Just three things: 1) How you doin'; 2) How's that wonderful family of yours?; 3) I'm still jealous you have a tractor and I don't!
From what I see as a mostly-lurker, trolling is becoming a problem. It's become such a problem that some newbies can unwittingly trigger suspicion. Running boards like this where access is so easy, tend to have these problems. They are very difficult so solve. Mel, I truly understand your position and your care and dedication for the MB forums, but sometimes, you have to let things play out. Notice the threads about how to ID trolls? No matter how well-intentioned the posts on methods, this is going to lead to more bad things. Putting loaded shotguns with no safeties in the hands of small children is never a good idea.
One only has a couple of choices in a situation such as this: 1) Let the situation(trolling) play itself out; 2) increase investment in moderators and admins and let them sort it out. Actually there is a third choice that some boardops use, and that is to shut down for variable periods of time, hoping trouble moves away.
One last thing for now..."piling-on" is never in good form.
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Words? I've got a word!
de·ni·al [di-nahy-uhl]
disbelief in the existence or reality of a thing
From wikipedia: Denial is a defense mechanism in which a person is faced with a fact that is too painful to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence. The subject may deny the reality of the unpleasant fact altogether (simple denial), admit the fact but deny its seriousness (minimisation) or admit both the fact and seriousness but deny responsibility (transference). The concept of denial is particularly important to the study of addiction.
As they say; it's not just a river in Egypt.
PK
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ML, you can go over the other board at any time. I occassionally drop a post there (46 in the last year...math doesn't lie)....but haven't been involved in any other capacity for almost 2 years. Go check. Go ask. I thought the moderation was extreme too. I still like the people there though....and the split was very amicable.
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I thought the moderation was extreme too. Did you set them straight on their moderation style as you do here?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You know, this is all very disrespectful of the moderators and of SH who oversee this board. Bottom line is, if you don't like the way that SH, the mods or MB run this board...why are you here...to complain? It was a fair question, so I will restate it.
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I always just assumed that if your name had a big number behind it.... you were a just a slacker loser like myself..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> AND my numbers are wrong just so everyone is clear on this.....I got two posts deleted...and I may have to have my eight year old hack into the system so that my bean post counter reads...whatever number I am on..followed by (-2) ARKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!^^
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I always just assumed that if your name had a big number behind it.... you were a just a slacker loser like myself..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> AND my numbers are wrong just so everyone is clear on this.....I got two posts deleted...and I may have to have my eight year old hack into the system so that my bean post counter reads...whatever number I am on..followed by (-2) ARKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!^^ hey! do we get to subtract all our edits?? That takes me down to 93 posts! **snort** <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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*** You are ignoring this user ***
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Can't we all just get along.
I totally agree with Heartpain on this but unfortunately we can't change a free website.
You just have to look past those posters who rub you the wrong way (and there are several here that do that) because there really is some good that still comes out of this because usually someone level headed steps in and gets the posters attention.
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It's funny, but you can read this thread and see exactly where the problem lies ... you just have to look for the posters being defensive ... their written words (actions) betray their stated intent.
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Holy Capeevy Dust! Okay, that can be edited by the mods. You have my permission, assuming you need it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Look: There's a compassionate way 2 deal with trolls. Kill the evil (assuming there is any), with kindness. If a troll comes here for advice about a phony si2ation, give them kind, compassionate advice on that si2ation, whether it's true or not. THe advice might prove useful 2 someone else in a similar si2ation. But if it's not, it's okay 2 point that out if you know that 2 be the case. But that can be done kindly as well. We recently saw a lot of digital calories spent on IDing and driving away a person allegedly attempting 2 use MB methods 2 lure someone away from their spouse. Speculation that the poster was mentally ill were made. Maybe they are. But driving them away, rather than directing them 2 somewhere they can get real help for their problem accomplishes... ...what, exactly? Are people really afraid that an attempt 2 use MB methods 2 HAVE an affair will really work? I'm sure not. I'm also willing 2 give the person being "preyed upon" by such an effort a little credit for resisting such an attempt at persuading them 2 cheat on their spouse. If these things are handled in a manner like that, rather than with "thwacks" with various species and dimensions of lumber, the phonies will get bored and go away, and the "mentally ill" might get help. That is all I have 2 say at the moment. -ol' 2long
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Hi Dwayne,
As an oldtimer (and by my registration date, I've been here longer than all of you combined...), many things have changed here. None for the better. There is a lack of respect. There is a lack of understanding. What's more concerning, some of the "experts" here truly misunderstand the meaning and intent of the MB materials (or these materials have so fundamentally changed since I counseled with the Harleys).
The Harley's never used 2x4s on anyone. EVER. They're behavioral-based counselors who will help a WS to see the truth in their 'situation'. It's rare that anyone can beat sense into anyone else. It's more likely that these people will recognize sense when led gently and firmly to the truth.
I've long since left these boards because I don't recognize what's being 'preached' here. I don't see a whole lot of help. Or success. If you look back 5+ years ago, I think you saw a lot more of that. The current state of these boards aren't helping marriages recover. That's a shame, and not something I would think the Harley's are happy about. K, If that date is correct, I was 3 years old. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Just for the record, there are still many successes happening here. My FWH and I are one. And my buddy Ace is another, right Ace. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> And there are many more of us. I suspect that some of my greatest help came from a few here that are considered, uhm, how do I say it...meanies and bullies... But these people "stayed by my side" every single day. They were many others here for me, too. It is a great place...was my lifeline when I thought the pain was truly going to kill me. Today I smile. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Even laugh <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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But driving them away, rather than directing them 2 somewhere they can get real help for their problem accomplishes... ...what, exactly? I'll play. Don't leave....Here's somewhere you can go for help with the problem -----> REAL HELP Mr. Wondering p.s. - My intent is light-hearted
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Today I smile. Even laugh <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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bp, I don't recall that situation...I probably wasn't even lurking during that time...I tend to come-and-go for months at a time...
Anyway, it is unfortunate that you were attacked personally for expressing your feelings, but...(You knew a 'but' was coming, didn't you?)...I don't think it is up to any poster here, or any number of posters, or even all, to decide who is/isn't helped by this forum. That is a decision to be made by the board owners.
I don't know how you expressed your feelings, but if you had posted the reply on a thread where one of these affair marriages was being discussed, the dam has been broken. In other words, "let the piling-on commence". Now, it is guaranteed that someone is going to get hurt. In your case, it was you.
I've always had a problem on every forum I've frequented with people who lack the personal control to avoid that which upsets them. If you lack such ability, it might not be a good idea to be surfing the internet without guidance and/or supervision. In a loose sense, it could be compared with a demand to shutdown the entire internet because you are disgusted by porn sites.
My point in the original post wasn't to try to get people to change posting styles, only to look inward to see if they *might* be part of the problem. And, yes, driving off JL is a loud-and-clear message that something is wrong.
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2long, the problem is not the trolls, but certain board members who believe they are best qualified to tell others HOW TO handle trolls. THAT is what has caused the conflict. But I have figured out HOW to resolve the problem, being the very clever and resourceful TEXAN that I am! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Today I have appointed myself the arbiter of correct behavior towards trolls, instigators and allotherunsavaory characters, [yes, even pigs in heat <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />] I request that everyone submit their posts to me for my critique and approval in advance of posting. Applications being accepted at: **edit** Thank you for your cooperation. GOD BLESS TEXAS! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Last edited by Sage_MB; 12/12/07 04:12 PM.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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2long...
I agree with you...
here' what I don't didn't get about that whole thing...
if/when one is here and finds a poster....offensive...
I assume that onus lays with that member to report such offenses to the mods...
let the mods rule
and then live with their decision.....
it's their call....
and if you don't like their call...
the action or inaction
then you need to re-evaluate your own comfort level with posting on such a thread....
instead these great divides abrupt...
if your not with us
your against us....
and heaven forbid you don't agree enthusiastically 10000% cause then it's open season on your own behind....
it's not the thwacks at the phonies...
it's the issue that if you don't step in line behind those giving the thwacks...
then sheilds up on your own spaceship cause they'll be swinging round to get you to....
and I definitely aggee that this site can't make anyone do anything....
it's a jumble of opinions....
ARK
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if/when one is here and finds a poster....offensive...
I assume that onus lays with that member to report such offenses to the mods...
let the mods rule
and then live with their decision..... Would that apply also to those who are attempting to CORRECT those who do not handle trolls in the manner of which they approve? Or is it only ok to confront fellow board members but NOT TROLLS? If one finds another board members response to a troll or instigator to be inappropriate should they attack that board member and accuse him of "abuse" or should they report it to the mods? Does this principle work both ways, in other words?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Today I smile. Even laugh <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> MEDC, You know I was talking about you, don't you? You meanie bully, you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Last edited by sexymamabear; 12/12/07 02:46 PM.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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