I have just found out, with much pain, that my 2nd marriage of over 5 years will be coming to a abrubt and painful end. I found out about a series of affairs that occured through out the marriage, and 2 that happened before we were married. Of the 3 men, she still talkes to the one who almost broke our marriage back in April of this year...we had agreed to a no contact with the other man, but apparently he's heading for a divorce as well and I guess just sorta turned to my wife who didn't deny his communication and began flirting with him once again. This will be the second time i have had a marriage crash to a halt around christmas, the first I was kicked out 4 days before the 25th and this one I was forced to leave on the 9th of this month. this has been way more than I can handle with my kids from the first marriage not in the state, loosing the one I love around christmas, not having any real support from my family and having few friends. All of this forced me to think about ending my life, which is no longer a problem, and feel absolutly and totally alone. Being in the hospital is not a place I would reccomend for anyone except for those who have no real way to sort out of their feelings and emotions, and yes i had serious trouble with this. I have Dr. Harley's books: Love Busters, Surviving an affair, and his needs, her needs. I honestly felt that there was improvement from where we were and I was actually looking for ways to resolve my health issues( sleep apnea, and high blood pressure ) along with my long term depression from a very abusive and controlling father which has left me with some awful flashbacks from my previous years as a child. As I sit up here in hte hospital I honestly have no idea where to go from here...this is goingto just basiclly ruin any chance of ever enjoying this time of the year for the rest of my life, not to mention make me wonder if there was anyone out there who would want my worthless but. I am the kind of person who needs companionship and love..adn thinking about that now actually makes me sick and my heart just feel like it is breaking all over again.
I've been learning some skills do deal with all of this stuff, seems like way to much to handle but its working. I know there is people out there who will say i have some worth, and GOD loves me and all that..but I just don't feel it right now. I feel like something that someone stepped in on the street, or for those with more of a automotive mind: I feel like the sludge found in the bottom of a engine that blew from inproper care and service...all full of broken parts, metal shavings, oil, and water all mixed together.

I had a previous post in the " in recovery " section but I haven't found it to update it so if someone could send me a thread to it somehow or show me what page it is on or something I'd like to update that thread and close it.

I don't know who is on here from the Seattle Washington area but if are and have some ideas as to where to turn from here i'd be grateful...this entire situation has drained me emotionally, physically, and finicially...and i still need to think of where to go when I get out of here. i have seen some of the people in the shelters up here and they scare me...I don't think i'd be able to sleep a wink while there. I know some of you will say " Turn back to GOD, HE'll help " but after begging HIM to not let my kids move out of state and have it happen, that kinda killed my faith in him. I just don't feel his presence like I did long before when I was actually living for GOD.
I don't know if we're allowed to leave email addresses for contacting but if you are, i'll check back when I can while here and add it so people can send me links to help, places to go, or what ever is needed to get my life out of this deep hole with vertical and smooth walls with no rope to use to climb out of and no foot/hand holds to climb out of.

Hope this works

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post3284772

2hearts,

email me at charlie3@617dambusters.com

i can connect you with a social worker in your area if you want as i work for The Salvation Army... i just dont want to post my work email address publically

my wife cheated on me with three guys and that was painful enough. but i'd be right there with ya if i didn't have my son and my house still

don't give up... it might sound corny but God has not forgotten you. have faith and let Him show you the way

How were you forced out? Go home if you can - she's the one who cheated - let HER move out!

Odly enough, some part of me wants to resolve this, part of me wants to just let go, and the last little part has no clue. I used to be a follower of GOD, but we kinda had a falling out when i begged him to not let my kids leave the state, when they did I just kinda kept asking him why, why, why.

I do know her cares, I just honestly do not feel his presence most of the time...but I did feel the most wierdest sensation when listening to a song. The artist is Josh Turner, the song is " Long Black Train "...and something about listening to this calmed me down for at least 30 minutes, then everything came crashing back in with its full force and well I feel back at square 1 yet again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> I know I have done wrong by her, and she to I...but the counseling I thought had fixed that and things were slowly getting better. Somewhere in the back of my mind I feel the devil( aka satan ) just laughing his fool head off because he has hit my weakness and caused me to fall flat on my face yet again. You have no idea how much i'd just like to cause him some major grief somehow but just do not have the strength or energy to even attempt this effort knowing the counter-attack will definatly be far more than I can handle. so here i am, sorta running away from the issue( like I usually do ) because I can't deal with it and don't want to drown in the hurt lurking in this situation from years ago to present time. If I could draw a picture of my heart, there'd be holes for my 2 daughters, a scar healed over hole area for my 1st wife, a jagged tear/hole from this situation, and ruffly healed over wounds from past relationships( including parents and dirrect family ). To be honest, if I had to rate myself right now, i'd have to gove myself a 20 out of 100 * 100 being complete - 0 being just a thin shell of my formet self * Along with the divorce/seperation from my current wife I also will be loosing relationships with her kids from a former marriage, her son we were just getting closer than we'd ever been and her daughter...well I considdered her to be my daughter and would've died protecting her from any harm.
somewhere inside of me I'd like a new relationship if this falls to dust, but if at all possible I'd like to recover this marriage before it is totally done.( doubts it but still hopefull ) I'm just hurt and scared to be hurt again, or more times after that ( which ever comes ) that i feel like I have to place a solid steel box around me, several feet thich and completely enclosing me inside to be protected. However doing this also blocks out all help, including GOD from gaining access to me. I really wish I had the ability to wind back time to correct things so this situation never happened, or correct it before it get to this situation.
sorry about my rambeling here, I just think it good to post what i feel like I'm going through and hope someone else has been there/done that and come through all this and found a new relationship with someone to love and restrengthened faith in GOD ( the later is growing, slowly but growing )

I've heard this over and over again, i'm not a vindictive person anymore...I honestly feel that if she'd ask for the shirt off of my back i'd give it to her and whatever else she wanted as well...don't know what else to say after that actually...I used to be so mean I didn't care who I hurt...that type of action now just makes me ill and hurts me to even think about it. I know there is some power keeping me from thinking like that, well GOD actually, but it is just not me anymore.

2 hearts
think about what you want to keep from this marriage
you say you are close to her kids..
can you keep any of that relationship ??
talk to your lawyer about what you want from the divorce.. concede nothing to her
jersey boy

jerseyboy

what I would like is to not have to go through this again, the holiday time is hard for me and adding this will make it just about unbearable from my b-day to after xmas. As far as keeping the communication with her kids...that is very doubtful if not impossable. Can't afford a lawyer so I guees it is true, history repeats itself. it would appear that the light at the end of the tunnel is growing dark again

2Hearts, I know you feel God let you down when your kids moved out of state. I think maybe there are a couple of different ways to look at this.

First, consider your words. "I begged God not to let my kids move out of state." You essentially asked God to revoke your children's free will. Without free will, we aren't God's creations, we're His slaves. The Prince of Peace doesn't hold with slavery.

Second, God is concerned with the Big Picture. God doesn't have to just worry about what is right for you, right this minute. He's also got to balance that with what is right for your children and Sally Jo in the next state over who is going to marry your son and produce an angel of a grandaughter who will gladden your old age.

Finally, an all powerful, all knowing, all good God, knows what is best for you, can do it and becuase he is good, will do it. Just usually not in the way we want him to.

Also, there are some problems God simply refuses to fix. As much as I prayed for God to give me a completely clear way out of my marriage, like my ex screwing on the kitchen table, or perhaps, a big 18-wheeler running him over, God didn't. I had to learn that I deserved to be treated better than I was, that no one should live the way I had. I'm a better person because I had to take responsiblity for my decision.

Even though your kids moved out of state, you still have some support. Look at how Charlie came through! I'm on the East coast, so I'm not much good, but I care.

(BTW, I want to say how great I think it is that you had the smarts and the courage to check into a hospital. I know that can't be fun. I'm impressed.)

Get strong. Get well as soon as you can. I know depression stinks, BTDT.

Thanks, I know it probally sounded selfish of me to want the kids to stay in the state, but I had a feeling that this current situation would happen where they'd never see me again for perhaps a long time.
BTDT???

How can loving kids be selfish? Sounds pretty good, to me. Take care of yourself.

2hearts, I'm betting that's your depression talking. Fight back. My father would never win any Father of the Year awards. I was never physically or sexually abused, but otherwise, he was a disaster. I love my dad. I have lunch with him about twice month. He's needy, manipulative, insecure and a mess. I love him anyway. Over the last 20 years, he's really tried.

Now, supposing you were as bad as my dad... Your kids will want to see you.

What are their ages?

Can you go visit them for the holidays?

no. since the move out I have 0 income and not exactly sure about my family...this is potentially turning into the worse of the major events in my life that is impacting the holidays.
They're 14 and 13
sorry randomness is got a hold at present, probally due to serious lack of sleep and extreme depression.

2hearts, you are alive, and you have children who love you. That is all it takes, my man. You will persevere. Just set small goals for now. Achieve them, and move to the next one. Goal one: work on making a phone call to your kids for Christmas. Think about what you'll say, then leave out anything but letting them know how much you love them and giving them hope that they'll see you next year and that you can't wait to see them. Practice it with the hospital staff. Then make that phone call on Christmas. It will be the best gift you can give your kids, and the best one you can give yourself.

After that, work on the next goal...planning what to do with January.

You'll make it!

I can do my best, this place isn't exactly to keen on helping...unless it is to force meds down your throut

Then be creative, get off your butt, and find someone who WILL help you.

Yeah I should see what I can do to get in touch with them today. some of the staff seem helpful, others look like they could care less about what you need, want, or look like.
The one thing I'm going to really miss is companionship when I get out of here. When you have that for 5+ years it's kinda hard to think about it no longer being there anymore. I wish all of this wasn't happening but it is and there is no way to change it.
When I was younger I could go with out being around friends or family, but as I grew up and got married that all changed...now I kinda depend on it to get through the day.

First thing I would do is find a volunteer opportunity. It will give you a mental lift to help someone else, it will give you companionship, and it will keep your mind off your own problems.

not a bad idea actually...I'll see what i can do, worse that can happen is I'll come back to it again...best thing that could happen is that i forget about it entirely( or at lease some small part of it )

I think there might be a change in the entire situation with my marriage. As of late, we have been having really good times...and we've been having( what seems to me ) to be " dating " in our own marriage. Is it possible that there might be a healing in this somewhere? I have been praying to GOD to help with this relationship...I have seen that there is some love for me still left in her eyes...and she shows me compassion as well...I need help...what do I do???
A- work this out and recover the marriage?
B- let it go?
C- do nothing?
D- stand by and see where this thing she has for the other guy comes to pass( she's been feeling that there's something wrong and is having doubts about him )
E- run away?
somebody please answer me...hopefully someone who knows GOD because I feel I have begun to fix my relationship with HIM these past few weeks as well.
She has planned several nights together with this guy as well, but they all fall apart...they never happen...and this is after I have been asking for help with this whole depression/divorce/seperation thing. Can this be HIM helping me out????
signed,
a very confused, and hopefull 2hearts [color:"red"] [/color] [color:"red"] [/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />