quit! I'm at work ...if they see me ROFLMAO I'll get in trouble :P

holy crap!!!

the keylogger I thought I deleted is STILL sending me reports to the email I set up ....

I have some spyin.... er reading to do!

Now wouldn't that be stupid? To ABANDON your family and allow some strange man to come into your home and screw your wife and harm your children? To trust an UNTRUSTWORTHY WOMAN?

Do you know that this is how little children are molested/killed? Did you hear about the BABY GRACE case here in Houston? The body of a 2 yr old girl floated up on the beach. She was killed by a man the mother met on the internet and invited home.

You are being stupid and irresponsible, HAVE. You are allowing your wife and her lover to harm your family. You have a MORAL obligation to protect your children from that.

Want to read about a dead little 2 year girl? http://www.abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=3912395&page=1

Bad boyfriends often abuse children of partners

By DAVID CRARY , AP National Writer
Sunday, November 18, 2007
NEW YORK (AP) - An ever-increasing share of America's children grow up in homes without both biological parents, leaving them nearly 50 times as likely to die of child abuse, according to research.

In many cases, the alleged or convicted perpetrator is the boyfriend of the child's mother - men thrust into father-like roles which they tragically fail to embrace.

Many scholars and front-line caseworkers interviewed by The Associated Press see the abusive-boyfriend syndrome as part of a broader trend that deeply worries them, particularly as an ever-increasing share of America's children grow up in homes without both biological parents.

"This is the dark underbelly of cohabitation," said Brad Wilcox, a sociology professor at the University of Virginia. "Cohabitation has become quite common, and most people think, 'What's the harm?' The harm is we're increasing a pattern of relationships that's not good for children."

There are many other studies that, taken together, reinforce the concerns. Among the findings:

• Children living in households with unrelated adults are nearly 50 times as likely to die of inflicted injuries as children living with two biological parents, according to a study of Missouri abuse reports published in the journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics in 2005.

• Children living in stepfamilies or with single parents are at higher risk of physical or sexual assault than children living with two biological or adoptive parents, according to several studies co-authored by David Finkelhor, director of the University of New Hampshire's Crimes Against Children Research Center.

• Girls whose parents divorce are at significantly higher risk of sexual assault, whether they live with their mother or their father, according to research by Robin Wilson, a family law professor at Washington and Lee University.

"All the emphasis on family autonomy and privacy shields the families from investigators, so we don't respond until it's too late," Wilson said. "I hate the fact that something dangerous for children doesn't get responded to because we're afraid of judging someone's lifestyle."

Census data leaves no doubt that family patterns have changed dramatically in recent decades as cohabitation and single-parenthood became common. Thirty years ago, nearly 80 percent of America's children lived with both parents. Now, only two-thirds of them do. Of all families with children, nearly 29 percent are now one-parent families, up from 17 percent in 1977.

The net result is a sharp increase in households with a potential for instability, and the likelihood that adults and children will reside in them who have no biological tie to each other.

comprehensive article in entirety at: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/11/19/AR2007111900007.html

Tell wifey that you love her and will be working on the marriage. When she starts babbling, smile and tell her you will do what it takes to keep your family together.

Ask her to write a no contact letter, and report back here her excuses why she can't.

Suggestion, if your wife and her internet lover want to get it on, give her $15 to go rent a room in a flophouse, but keep the OM out of your family home and away from your children and out of your bed. Your children need to be protected from her affair and her OM, don't ya think?

Have,

Your instincts to "appease" her because you're afraid that she won't love you anymore....are steering you in the wrong direction. Leaving home, and making agreements/negotiations with your WS and the OM is the exact wrong direction. Don't leave your house. Don't leave your children to be exposed to this kind of an ugly situation....or worse!

There is a big difference between privacy and secrecy.

Invasion of Secrecy

“You’ve invaded my privacy” the wayward spouse says! “How could you read my email? How dare you look at my cell phone records. I’ll never be able to trust you again”.

[They] won’t be able to trust [You]!

On one level….it’s laughable WS babble. On the other hand, the BS often does feel guilt and regret about having to snoop. The WS uses those feelings to their advantage. But you haven’t invaded their privacy.

You’ve invaded their secrecy

And they don’t like it.

Married people are entitled to privacy....but not, secrecy.

The true concept of privacy never implies keeping secrets. In fact, just the opposite is true. What is divinely inspired and ripens in privacy, is later always opened up and shared with others. It is never meant to be hidden. Only dishonesty, lies, negative intentionality and destructiveness of one sort or another, need to be hidden from others. Nothing that is true and beautiful needs to be kept secret. Not ever.

The wayward spouse uses a simple truth: that we all need some privacy and creates real evil by using truth to cover a lie. What usually happens is that privacy is used to camouflage the intention of keeping secrets. In other words, secretive people will use the right and need for privacy to conceal that they really are keeping something secret.

Secrecy and privacy are not too difficult to distinguish from each other.

A rule of thumb to distinguish the two is to ask: is this fact about me important in this relationship at this time?

There’s a big difference between closing the door to the bathroom, and closing a window on the computer so your spouse can’t see your secrets. All secrets involve private information, but what makes them secrets is that the withheld personal information is important to actions in the relationship. It’s privacy if you ask your husband to hang up the phone extension when you’re chatting with a friend. It’s secrecy if you’re going to tell that friend personal things about your marriage.

Secrecy is a tool, which is commonly used in trying to escape consequences.

Secrets always hide something negative, that's why they're secrets.



Those who keep a secret fear the truth because they know they have no intention of changing.

They are dishonest because they know that others may react to what is hidden and they wish to avoid this.

Keeping secrets is finally….an emotional theft.

It helps us feel less vulnerable and usually stems from old baggage and shame.

It is cheating to secure a result that cannot or will not come about if the secret is disclosed. Keeping secrets also avoids the effort and responsibility of finding an equitable, honest solution in which others can participate.

Secrets are always antithetical to relationship, to intimacy, to real and fulfilling contact. Secretive people are never fulfilled emotionally. They keep a wall of separation between themselves and others and then wonder why the feel so alone and misunderstood. They often blame others for this state and use it to justify secretiveness, instead of doing the only valid and meaningful and intelligent thing: spill out all secrets and make themselves as transparent as possible.

So, next time they say you've invaded their privacy....tell them "No, everyone deserves privacy. I've invaded your secrecy!"

whew ... 3 days worth of logs

anyway, I see that they are still talking more than she admits

I saw the kissy (:*) but nothing openly wrong with her side of the chats, I'll have to see the screenshots from home to see what he said. She either still suspects me of spying or is keeping her cards very close.

"So, next time they say you've invaded their privacy....tell them "No, everyone deserves privacy. I've invaded your secrecy!""

MOST excellent point from Star*Fish!

And if Melody hadn't already whacked ya with the 2X4's I would! (She's one of the 'bad cops' here LOL - thanx Mel - hey SoMEBODY has ta do it!) WHY the heck would you even CONSIDER moving out right now?

And your wife should be having ZERO contact with the OM!
The (:*) is not openly wrong as far as you're concerned?!?

WOW!

I know .... I've been falling for it or at least not doing the right things

looks like we're about to get into it again ... I have to be as calm an rational as possible while sticking to my guns right?

The *kissy* is just more evidence of very poor marital boundaries. It's "flirting" and many people downplay the role that flirting has in infidelity. One of the very first slippery steps of cheating....is to reveal your attraction to another person. That's what flirting does...and it's no surpise that the pace picks up from there.....escalating from friendship to EA and then PA. Look at the work of Shirley Glass to understand the role that friendship plays in affairs when there are not good boundaries in place.

Here is here quiz from her site:

Is your Online Friendship too Friendly?

Quiz: Is Your On-Line Friendship Too Friendly?
Directions: Check Yes or No to the left of each statement.


1. Do you find yourself coming to bed later at night because you are chatting on-line?
Yes No

2. Do you ever exit a screen because you do not want a family member to see what you are reading or writing to a chat room member?
Yes No

3. Have you ever lied to your spouse about your personal Internet activities?
Yes No

4. Would you feel uncomfortable sharing your Internet correspondence with your spouse?
Yes No

5. Have you ever set up a separate e-mail account or credit card to carry on a personal correspondence with an individual on-line?
Yes No

6. Has your Internet correspondence had a negative effect on your work or household tasks?
Yes No

7. Have you ever lied in response to a question from your spouse about your e-mail correspondence?
Yes No

8. Have you ever exchanged photos of yourself with a secret e-mail correspondent?
Yes No

9. Since beginning a secret e-mail correspondence, have you experienced either a loss or an unusual increase in sexual desire with your spouse?
Yes No

10. Have you made arrangements to talk secretly on the phone with your e-mail friend?
Yes No

11. Have you made arrangements to meet with your secret e-mail friend?



Scoring Key:

Two or more yes answers to questions 1, 2, 3, 4 indicate a potential Internet romance is developing. It is time to either share your on-line correspondence with your mate or break off the correspondence and begin to examine how to improve your marriage.

A yes answer to any of questions 5, 6, 7 indicates you are crossing the boundary from an Internet friendship to an Internet romance. Acknowledge this relationship for what it is about to become and take action to preserve and enhance your marriage.

A yes answer to questions 8 or 9 indicates you have begun a fantasy romantic relationship with your on-line correspondent. Even if it never moves to a physical stage, this relationship has great potential to damage or destroy your marriage.

A yes answer to question 10 or 11 indicates that you have taken positive action towards initiating an extramarital affair. Consider the impact this will have on your marriage and your children and take steps to sort this out with a professional.

http://www.shirleyglass.com/quizonline.php

I can guess at your wife's score..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

HAve, women do not respect men they can run over, and most of us don't love men we can't respect. A wimpy man is disgusting. Tell her firmly, but calmly, that you will not be leaving to go anywhere and that her contact with the OM is extremely disrespectful to you and the kids. Ask her to end all contact with the OM today by sending him the nc letter i posted above. Tell her that your marriage cannot recover as long as she maintains any contact with him, nor will you stay in a marriage with THREE people.

Most of all, let her know you are going nowhere as you will not be faciliating her AFFAIR. And call it AN AFFAIR everytime.

Listen to Melody.

Its begun ...

when I get off work we'll be talking.

Under no circumstances are to leave your home.

If you did leave you would not be able to protect your children from being exposed to whatever the OM and his low morals feels like doing.

Why are you refusing to see (forgive me for being very blunt) that when you leave your house that your WW will be bringing in the OM into your bed to provide SF to him?

If you know that her intentions are to have SF with the OM, again why are you going to leave your house?

Appeasing a WW never stops them from having an affair.

If you have a digital voice activated recorder it MAY be a good idea to have it in your pocket and recording during this discussion.

Desperate wayward wives, in particular, have been known to call the cops and file false police reports. They will sometimes even instigate a pyhsical altercation to make it the report more accurate and believable.

Stay calm. Do not touch her. Record for your protection but keep the recording a secret (even if that means you get arrested as then you can get her charged with filing a false police report and make her look really bad if and when you were to ever actually be in a divorce/custody battle).

One note...ALWAYS cooperate with the police. Disrespecting them will NEVER work...especially in front of your children. Cops are part of the legal system...disrespect them and you will lose everything in court.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - If you don't have a recorder. Your children CAN be witnesses. IF she starts getting physical...don't remain alone with her where she can make any allegation she wants.

IMHO you should confront her in front of a trusted friend or relative, or even a counselor or pastor.

That way there is less danger of the WS lying about how the confrontation went and less chance of the WS gaslighting you into appeasement.

okay ... I'm not leaving but now she is even more antisocial.

How do I deal with that? Or do I just let it run its course and be there when its over.

She is being 'polite' and 'civil' but isn't ready to negotiate or discuss working out our problems.

Are there any suggestions to draw her out from her walls? Should I just get comfortable and settle in for the long haul?
Should I spend more time with the kids and let her be alone and risk her contacting the OM?

I'm afraid I'll start to withdraw too.

Have:

Unplug the stupid internet.

Make the OM PHONE her and PAY for it.

Probabaly won't happen.

THats the thing with internet affairs, there is nothing really THERE.

And if the OM is wonderful, then he has to connect in other ways, and that's a real pain.

And if shes doing it at work, let them KNOW. She is using company resources and not working.

They generally do not like that.

LG