OK, I'm bumping this thread because I'd like to hear from any FWW who came back to the M after their BH implemented Plan B, and how long it took. Similarly, any BH who has implemented Plan B and their experience/timeline.

It's mostly curiosity on my part, because it seems like Plan B usually works better with a WH. Dr. Harley said my WW would probably initiate a D, but she hasn't. So I'm curious about other WWs that moved out 'for space' and whether they filed or came back eventually and why.

I moved out-- and was out of the house for 8 months. H did not know of this site. I am using it as a personal recovery tool at this point-- my story is complicated.

I came home because my lease was up, and I had to make a decision. H was kinda doing a half hearted (his own version) of plan A. He would plan A-- but had a lot of expectations, and when they weren't met he would get very upset, AO, and threaten D. I would "talk him out of it" a lot. I didn't want to lose him. I would defog when I truthfully felt him slipping away from me.

I moved back home after my lease was up to give things another shot. I will admit, after I first came home, I wasn't exactly giving it my all. I would say I completely de-fogged and really started making strides towards reconciling in late August (I moved home in July-- so about after a month of being home). This again came after threats from H. Not really a "plan B"-- but a "plan B" of sorts-- the best he knew how on his own.

Complete de-fogging I would say occurred really in November-- and I think a HUGE fog wiper for me was THIS SITE.

My life as it stands now... trying VERY VERY hard to recover the M. Changing myself. Transparency. Meeting EN. H is fence sitting about whether or not he still wants this (has been since September).

So-- all in all, my total EA lasted about a year. I was out of the house for 8 months of that-- but I would come home frequently to sleep at the house with H, and he actually came over to my apartment quite a bit to spend nights with me. We still spent at least 3-4 nights a week together the entire time I was out of the house.

It doesn't happen at once... and I will say that even when I "thought" I was out of the fog (September-ish), I wasn't. I would say complete defogging didn't start until late November. It happens in bursts.

I will say, that anytime H AO'd or did anything else that LB'd... that would almost VALIDATE my fog in my own head. So avoid that AT ALL COSTS. Don't validate the fog!

Just my individual story...

TT

Hey, BHHFSGuy,

Has your wife made any movement since that letter she sent you?

No, there has been no contact between us since that letter. Supposedly she has pictures of the two of us displayed around her new place and she looks at them and remembers the good times. But may be coming to think that getting married was a mistake.

TT,

Thanks for sharing your story. It gives me some insight into the 'why' of a WW that moves out and why she would consider coming back.

A major difference in my situation is that my WW is so far away that we can't visit each other regularly. But I have definitely refrained from LBs by being in Plan B.

I'm getting the impression that Plan B is far more effective on a WH, who starts craving ENs like DS, SF, RC, etc.

BHHFSGuy,

I would do this. Give her six months after your plan B letter. If she still isn't ready to commit, I would prepare for divorce. However, I would break plan B letting her know that it is now or never. If she is at all interested, you can negotiate the conditions of you working on your marriage, but things that would be necessary would be:

1) A plan to move back in together (one of you needs to find another job and move in with the other).
2) Marriage Counseling with a counselor that you BOTH agree upon.
3) Complete Openness and Honesty.
4) No alone time with members of the opposite sex.

If she doesn't agree to work on your M, go ahead and file for D and let her know that once the D is final, the opportunity for her to change her mind is over. Let her know that she is either your W and working on your marriage with you, or she is in plan B and dead to you. Make her make a decision. I think she may be affected by what Dr. Harley calls "electric fence personality" and may never choose anything unless forced to make a decision. If not forced to make a decision, she would just continue to go down her path of least resistance and never deviate from it. Staying married may be the path of least resistance for her.

I generally agree with you, but it seems like that's an ultimatum. If she chose the non-divorce route, I think I would question her sincerity. And it would seemingly leave the door open to future 'you made me do this and I didn't want to' accusations.

I don't think she has 'electric fence personality,' though. It's more like fence-sitting, IMO. She's a renter and is testing out a new place but doesn't want to give up her claim on the old one.

Apparently she has been very thrown by Plan B, but obviously not enough to take definitive action.

It's not an ultimatum if you seriously want a D if she won't commit to the marriage at that point. You are just giving her the courtesy of knowing before you divorce her, and she can do whatever she pleases with the information.