I didn't read Maggie's thread; I’m interpreting the issues here from the above posts.

I'll say only this. Having read the above discussion, I will take Orchid’s advice any day of the week over anyone else on this forum. If Orchid's advice is different from what I would have recommended to someone, I immediately set out to discover what I missed in the situation. I've watched Orchid's posts for years, before I made my first tentative post, and I've never seen her make suggestions to anyone that were anything but compassionate, insightful, and extraordinarily helpful.

Some folks don’t understand compassion though. Sometimes, being “compassionate” involves bringing someone to his or her senses now, rather than allowing the self-deception to continue and bring more pain later. Truth shouldn’t be sugar coated and there are some truths that are awfully unpleasant to have pointed out. That’s life. Live it. Get over the small stuff.

I think some of the people posting on this thread need to examine their interpretation of what Orchid said and wonder a little bit about themselves and their motivations. Seems to me, some folks are beginning to think they’re in a contest to be the best commenter on this board and that sucks.

What I think is that if someone left the board because of some harsh facts being brought to her attention, then that someone probably wasn’t actually ready to begin the tough process of recovering a marriage placed in jeopardy because of her own inappropriate choices. I’ve seen those folks come and go in the past. I’ll see more people dabble with recovery by making a couple of posts and then depart unceremoniously in the future. When a person is ready, when a WS needing help has truly hit bottom and is ready to begin the hard work necessary, then that person can come back and we should all be here to help them as best we can.

I really think we should all leave the egos behind, gentlemen and ladies. They’re only a hindrance here.

Kudos, Orchid.

LH

Yet having been here for 7 years Orchid I am amazed that you didn't know exactly the effect your posts and call outs and meta discussions started by you would have. I am scratching my head about some of the stuff you have engaged in here over the last few weeks because it HASN'T been your style for the 2+ years I have been here.

But let me say that your style and how you post are none of my business. Post how you like. But don't be surprised when other people call it how they see it when you start those kinds of threads.

For the record, Maggie decided to leave herself. It isn't Orchids fault. No one can blame someone else for their actions and decisions. I hope Maggie comes back. People that really want help will let no-one or nothing drive them off.

Question here....

IF "telling" or "suggesting" how other people post can't in reality "control" anybody (since only JustUss has any control) then HOW is it "controlling"???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Isn't it just "percieved" as controlling....even though there is no possible way that it actually could be? I mean....none of the regular people here can ban anybody else, stop anybody from posting whatever they want, or keep anybody else from typing any letter/word/sentence/rant they want on the board, right? If people could....they'd stop me from posting right now. So why all the wailing about control? It's a red herring.

You're in control, people! (whether you actually excercise control is really up to you). They're your fingers!! On the ends of your hands....and your BRAIN controls them. Ala Yoda "you have absolute power" to be as petty, bitter and insulting as you want to....unless you tip the heat.

Everything else is just

P A R A N O I A

The responsibility for people who FEEL "controlled" is within themselves. Nobody else is responsible for how controlled you feel because somebody else made a requesto or suggestion. So, stop blaming other people for emotions only you can control. What is it about you (the collective you) that when you hear a suggestion from somebody else....you feel controlled....even when they CAN'T control you?

And really, aren't the exact people who scream about control all the time.....the ones trying to control other people? It's so predictable. Scary <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Orchid's comments were meant to repeat the very same things every moderator (and other Internet gurus) have said about handling trolls....feeding negativity WITH negativity CREATES negativity. If you really and truly care about this forum and want to rid it of trolls....you'll follow Orchid's advice.

If you want to enable trolls and make sure they keep posting......well just keep listening to all the whiny insecure people who feel controlled even though nobody has any control over them. (sssshhhhh) Keep asserting your "rights" to feed the negativity while you complain about the negativity of the trolls. Keep doing damage while you complain about the damage.

Or....listen to Orchid....and do better.

Since this thread somewhat involves me, I think I should respond, event though I might be edited for doing so.

When people choose to hate or against something or someone, they will try their best to find fault in that someone or something, even if the way they use to achieve that goal or the reason they come up are unreasonable and irrational. This can somewhat be similar to a cheating spouse’s tendency to justify his actions or his desires. I think you all know somewhat about that type of behavior. Do you know how ridiculous some of you sounded when you actually accused Orchid’s posting style changed just to desperately justify some irrational point that you’re trying to make? For example:

Ba109 said:

Ba109, do you know how nonsense your statement sound? So, if I said to you that your statement is nonsense and then you commit suicide, it is going to be my fault that you are dead, simply because “my post was directed at you” and “it’s ba109’s interpretation that matters?”

People in here are shocked by Orchid’s action to defend a “troll” because it’s an unpopular route and it’s done by a respected vet. Orchid stood for something that’s right, despite it was unpopular. Shouldn’t we respect that more?

Orchid’s politely asking Maggie to be more considerate is TOTALLY different and at a whole different class and league than Maggie’s “Do this or STFU!” Can any reasonable person disagree with this?

Now, back to me. The facts remained that none of you have been able to identify any comment, advice, suggestion that I have posted recently to be destructive, unsound, or irrational. None of my recent post is far deviated from the average advice or opinion that’s given on this board. Despite constant uncalled-for-attacks from certain individuals including Maggie, I have ignored and barely responded, let along attack back. This has been noticed by some vets including Orchid and some newbies who may have defended what’s right although unpopular on this board.

Some are furious with me because I did not share my story, but keep in mind, sharing one’s own story is NEVER a MB's REQUIREMENT for ANYONE or a MB's policy for anyone before they can start or continue to post and some people have been here for a long time before they even do that. Let's be reasonable now, certain individuals don't like me due to the first impression and they are stubborn to keep that perception despite nothing in my recent behavior that caused any red flags as to the soundness of my advice, comments, etc.

All I am asking for is reasonableness. If you can do that, I’ll reasonable to you as well and show you the respect you deserve.

BA

Okay BestAngel.

So what is it, 1 post between bannings for you now? And how many screennames are we at, 7?
[color:"blue"]
BestAdvisor1
BestAdvisor2
Schoolbus
Schoolbus2
BestAngel
BestAngel1
BestAngel2007
[/color]

starfish,

I'm not sure who you are posting to. It seems like more of a soapbox post.

I think everyone to date has acknowleged that maggie 'chose' to leave the board. No one has blamed Orchid.

Offering unrequested 'suggestions' to someone about the way in which they post IS an attempt to control them. Whether they feel controlled or not is a moot* point.

"well just keep listening to all the whiny insecure people who feel controlled even though nobody has any control over them."

I don't think anyone until now has hurled insults on this thread. WTG. Would you like to stir the pot some more?

sp*

I think MB is soon going to have to implement a manual approval process for new posters to get rid of this kind of persistent troll Jo.

BA....if you don't want to draw negativity and judgement in your direction.....why do you choose names that clearly identify you as a target? Aren't you encouraging people to be ugly to you? If it's not what you want.....why not choose a nice quiet name and just help people? I've never attacked you....but I am honestly confused about why you choose names that are designed to be a lightening rod....and then get upset when people apply "electric shock". Show compassion if you desire compassion....so far....I you're still trying to spark trouble. Look at all the names.....you've made sure folks know it's the same ole same ole. Until you choose differently....and stop inciting the things you're complaining about....you can expect folks to keep rejecting you. I won't hurt you....but I don't like it when you hurt other people with all this drama. If you admire Orchid....then honor her by making better choices and contributing to the forum in a positive way.

But that's just a suggestion....I can't control you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

ba109,


Is telling somebody else that when they give a suggestion they are trying to control somebody.....just another attempt to control somebody? Probably....but who the heck cares!! It's all MOOT Ignore the suggestions you don't like. Listen to the people you like....or listen to no one but yourself. Use your ignore feature....or the "alert mods". But give the rest of us a rest from the "you want to control me" song. It's Christmas....can't we just sing Jingle Bells?

Thanks for the spelling lesson. I knew it was wrong when I typed it. I forgot to go back and correct it.


If you want a rest, simply follow your own advice.

ba109,

I didn't even realize you'd used a different word until you posted this.....and that's the God honest truth. (Yikes, my posts are full of typos and grammar issues....I live in a glass house) If I can understand what people mean....that's more than good enough for me. The emphasis was about my words....it had nothing to do with your typing error. Cross my heart, hope to spit.


Is there an echo in here? Or a mirror?

*hands over ears* Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells....Jingle all the waaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Alright people...

It is my perception that the difficulties we're having here are centered around the "rootless newbie of many names".

I agree that the only way 2 discourage such people is 2 put them on ignore. I've been guilty of not doing that thus far, and allowing myself 2 get sucked in2 the drama that ensues, but no more.

I'm putting BeastAngle, or whatever it's username du jour happens 2 be, on ignore.

-ol' 2long

As hilarious as that is 2long, my perception is that the trouble is caused by posters tryingto get other posters to use their preferred method of dealing with trolls. Unsuccessfully. Each to their own and viva-la-difference I say!

bigkahuna:

I don't think that's it, but we all have our points of view, and I won't invalidate yours here.

It is my intent 2 ignore people like that who have no stated reason for being here, other than "the rules don't say I have 2 tell you why I'm here".

I'm wasting enough time as it is arguing with other people who's views I otherwise respect, even if I don't share them (so long as they're about surviving infidelity), over methods of dealing with putative trolls.

My apologies for my part in exacerbating this stuff.


-ol' 2long

No, 2Long...that isn't the only way of dealing with them(it's very effective for some posters). There is nothing wrong with putting them on ignore...but there is also nothing wrong with a more aggressive approach.

See, if we all just ignored them, they would go after easier targets...See TST and SMB's threads for a few examples. There have also been other newcomers here that have gone out of their way to thank some vets here for battling the trolls that invade their threads.

I certainly would agree with your assertion as to root cause of the issue...namely posters like BA. But deeper and more important issues are going on here that reflect vast difference of opinion as to how this board should be "managed." Add to the mix, "old timers" in supposedly recovered marriages (and n some cases.."supposedly" is very apt) showing up and attempting to dictate board etiquette when they haven't been here for a long time. Sorry, not at all interested. I'd rather have Mel back in the fold.


Sorry for getting so long winded.

Just my 2 cents.

95% of problems that arises on this board have ****EDIT********* It's the other people's names that change.
( don't tell me ... speak to the mod ..right! )


I appreciate the old timers coming along and having their say. I hope they stick around, they can only help the board. Some seem threatened by it, wonder why?

A suggestion
I would love to see a pop up survey from the Harleys on what the board issues are and how they can be better handled. This MUST be independant and include space for members to name names as to who they think create problems here.

I'm sure it would be informative and very telling. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I find it strange that there has been no input from admin/owners thus far.

no, don't speak to the mod **EDIT**********

Is this the posting style you want us to copy?

Post deleted by mkeverydaycnt

I said I was leaving after I finished with other posts. Are you able to address the question I asked in my previous post?

Thanks,
L.