She gets defensive and angry pretty much everytime I try to talk to her. She always says I am pushing her away when I try to ask her questions.
Translation: "If I can bully onegoodcop enough, he'll back down and get off my case and leave me alone to enjoy OM in peace."
She will keep bullying you with anger as long as you allow this tactic to work.
I tell her I am trying to let her know how I feel and want to know how she feels.
1: She is cheating on you. She does NOT CARE how you feel. Her empathy for you is completely shut off, because if she allowed herself to feel empathy for you she would not be able to cheat on you. You may as well talk to the wall.
2. You want to know how she feels? See #1 above.
But she comes back telling me that she needs more time. And her infamous statement, " IF ITS MEANT TO BE THEN I HAVE TO WORK IT OUT.."
Translation: "I'm going to keep seeing OM as long as I can bully you into backing down and appeasing me and hoping maybe I'll stop. I'll take all the time I want so I can have both of you."
We are just trying to tell you that the stuff your WW is saying and doing are right out of the Wayward Spouse Handbook. They ALL say and do the same kind of crap, and knowing this might bring you some measure of relief. She's following the script and will no doubt continue to follow it.
What to do next? Read, read, read on Plan A, and read, read, read on Plan B. You will almost certainly need both of them - practically everyone does.
Most important - do NOT let her frighten and bully you with her anger and do NOT, NOT, NOT move out of your home, no matter what she says -- not unless you want to wake up one morning and find out she's had her boyfriend over to YOUR house and in YOUR bed.
That's right out of the script, too.
Hang in there. There are many here who can help you and there's a lot you can still do.
Mulan
