NC = no contact

NC letter = no contact letter

I still think this is perhaps an emotional connection/interference....rather than an emotional affair. I think you can POJA his relationship with these girls. If they really aren't interested in him sexually....then it's a destructive "friend/sibling" kind of dynamic rather than "affair" dynamics to me. It still has potential to harm your relationship....and you still may decide that no contact is the right choice for you. I think it's great that your husband is leading the charge for a while. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

star*fish, I agree with you completely. So much so that I'm going to stop using the term "Emotional Affair". Emotional CONNECTION is the term husband used...and I'm going to stick with that. Though I haven't the foggiest what POJA means, lol!

My sister is a psychologist. She drives me nuts with her psychobabble sometimes but I think she hit the nail on the head when she asked the other day "would the girls be the same issue if they were guys". And the answer was YES. A sexual relationship isn't the issue - the TIME and CONNECTION they have is. And yes, it still has enormous potential to hurt. However, husband and I have agreed on our "ground rules" agreement for his friendship with the girls...things that make sense! Like, if you are going to be late, CALL and tell me. Do not sacrifice "our" time to be with them. Spend xxx number of hours with me as compared to hours with them every week. Things that make sense. We are both comfortable with this arrangement.

I hope everyone here can understand that (the last marriage counselor we saw couldn't, lol).

Right now we are working on being "friends". He has pushed me away for so long, and now has the gall (LOL!) to say "you don't know me". I think it was an eye-opener last night for me to say "of COURSE I don't! You won't LET me!"

Other than the abovementioned awkward periods, we are getting along really well. Though last night we both admitted to each other we are waiting for the ball to drop so to speak. For the peace to end. I sincerely hope it doesn't. He also told me he thinks I'm not myself. My reaction to that was "hey, you haven't noticed me in three years, how do you know who *I* am either?!" He agreed. So right now, working on being friends and getting to know one another again.

As always, thank you for the insight.

GG,

I understand the distraction these 'friend-girls' represent and the apparent effect it's had on your R with your H. My DH and I were detached for years and he actually welcomed my seeking my EN's being met by other guys/gals because that meant less work for him. (At least, we always had our SF needs met by each other, even when he was doing a little extracurricular phone sex on the side.)

I called them AEA's for "Almost Emotional Affairs".....they were EA's except for I told my husband about everything and he was OK with it. (Details in Chapter 6 of my sig line strange story.)

The difference for you is you are NOT OK with it and justifiably so.

Like Star*fish says, it would seem strange to send an NC letter in your case so I rescind that suggestion. For us, as soon as I began working on myself, my H began WANTING to be with me instead of all the other distractions (including OW) that had taken my place in his love bank for all those years. And our recovery has revealed a whole new marriage far superior to what we had, whatever that was.

Does that make sense?

Ace

P.S. Did you make it over to the Goddess thread yet?

Ace - yes, that makes sense.

My husband is slowly - ever so slowly - coming to the realization that *I* am not responsible for his unhappiness, that it involves a lot more than that - work, his frustration at our financial situation, etc.

He has decided (and I agree wholeheartedly) that he is showing signs of clinical depression and needs his own therapy, along with medication perhaps. He has scheduled a dr's appt in order for this.

He agreed yesterday that part of his wanting to spend time with the girls is the fact that he does not LIVE with them. He sees them at their best - made up, dressed up, not sick, upset, frustrated etc. With me I am real - a tangible person with flaws and pajamas and head colds. He agreed it is tough "competition", as it were. And he realizes that now.

Still, I can't say I'm not enjoying his epiphany. He called this AM from work to ask if I wanted to go shopping with him. He hasn't done that in years. While we are both still "waiting for the ball to drop", I think we are starting to enjoy each others company....

And I agree. If we are able to get through this, we will have a far more superior marriage. We haven't talked like we have in the past three weeks in years, if ever. So alarming it took so long.

On the Goddess thread...heading over now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Yea for you, GG. The Goddess thread is the first place you should check in so it keeps you (me, too) accountable for working on ourselves, and bringing the goddessess hidden deep down inside of us to the surface and then beyond!!!!

So glad you've posted over there!

Ace <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />