Melody, thanks, let me clarify a little bit. i have been avoiding talking about me and the WW's relationship. I thought I had read advice on this board not to talk about our relationship or our future, just concentrate on showing her how you are changing. Maybe I got it wrong.

I will talk about his affair though, and I will tell her it hurts me. I should be doing that more, thanks
-EDITIED to correct terrible spelling.

Melody, just saw your suggestion, I like it thanks.

She is probably going to come back and talk about "getting space" or somesuch nonsense, but at least you will know what is on her mind.

Did you see my post about sending a certified letter to this company? I am very surprised that a SUPERVISOR who is preying on a female subordinate is STILL EMPLOYED, because that leaves that company wide open for a lawsuit. I wonder if they really do know and WHAT they know, which is why I want you to send a certified letter to the business owner.

What kind of company is this?

Well, here is her reply. Not unexpcted but a very sad day for me....



I don't think I can stop seeing OM, but to be honest, even if I could, OM is not the reason that we are at the place we're at. I don't have the faith that this marriage is going to work. I don't think I have any thing left to give to it, and it would be wrong for me to say that we'll work on it, when I don't believe it would do any good.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but I have no reason not to be honest with you now, I just don't believe it's going to work [color:"green"] [/color]

Melody to answer your question. I found out he is technacly not her direct superior. they both report to somone else. its a non profit.

Amazing how WSs can use real words to say:

"Blah blah, blah blah blah blah. . ."

"blah, blah" indeed. Here real problem at the moment is she cannot really afford to move out and she is just figuring that out. She is counting on a cut of my 401K to live off. Its a community property state and everything is split in two no matter what the circumstances. But divorce and the money are a long way off as far as im concerned.

what kind of non - profit is it?

Melody, if i coud send a private message id tell you. Dont want to name it in case the ww ever makes it here. Id like to know where your going with this though.

Can you email me at **************************

sure, just sent, appreciate any advice.

Forward your WW's last email to OM's GF. And tell GF WW is planning on moving out. She may not have to connect the dots but perhpas you can pass along your concerns that WW is moving out to invite OM over and have a place to go...

SillHere, thankyou, yes I was thining of doing that.

This is all right out of the text book. These are the CLASSIC lines of someone who is in an affair and of course, they make no sense. If she were concerned about fixing the marriage problems, would she be having an affair? Did she ever want to split up before the affair? No. So, of course, you know her fogbabble is all related to the affair.

So, b&w, that means that your first order of business is to do everything in your power to bust up this affair. I think that will be easier than most in your case because the OM has no intention of pursuing a relationship with your wife. She is just a little piece of fun on the side and when it becomes too troublesome, he will dump her.

so, how do you apply pressure on the affair? You contact the OM's GF AGAIN and tell her that they are still in contact and your W is planning on moving out so she can pursue her affair with her BF.

On the same day you do this, I would plan the arrival of a CERTIFIED letter to the head of this non profit along with the director of human resources. This is the kind of conflict you need to create in the affair.

This is what I would do NEXT if I were you.

In the meantime, continue talking to your wife about ending her affair and assuring her that she will not be taking family money if she moves out. She will have to finance her love nest all on her own.

Can you write out a letter to her company right now, make 2-3 copies and send to her company to arrive on MONDAY? I would address it to the president and the HR director and cc her boss and his boss. Send it registered to the president and the HR Director.

If you planned this to arrive on Monday, you could notify the OM's GF on Friday and then he will be slammed when he arrives at work on Monday. He will catch he11 all weekend and then catch more he11 when he arrives at work on Monday.

If you have no legal sepatation in place and neither of you have taken any legal action yet, then I would spend that 401K money as fast as you can. Make it disappear.

That ought to burst her bubble of having you finance her affair....

Whoa, check with an attorney first... At least in my state, this might be considered "hiding" of marital assets, in which case the other party becomes entitled to the entire amount, and you get to go to jail.

AGG

good point AGG.....but it makes me mad when she thinks she gonna fund her love nest with that $$....

Oh, believe me Lexxxy, I certainly share your sentiments!

AGG

Melody, not sure what my letter to to company would acomplish. OM is not her direct boss, they both report to somone else. There is no violation of any rules. Also, Im from a NJ. I hate to say it in this part of the country this is not regarded as shocking behaviour. I know there have been plenty instances of this in my workplace. Unless their is a clear violation of policy, employers regard it as none of their business.

Beleive me if i thought it would do any good id send the letter. But i think it will only be seen by the WW as being vindictive with no real repocussions in the workplace.