I can see wisdom in all of the perspectives we've seen here.

Getting back 2 the very subject, though...

Being "hard" on the FWS isn't the same thing as MB letting them down.

There's a difference, often times, between what we - either BS or WS - may WANT 2 hear and what we may NEED 2 hear.

Couple that fact with varying degrees of ability 2 deliver needed messages and it's not suprising that some people may feel let down by the very same message that reaches someone else.

just my paradigm (that's 20 cents),

-ol' 2long

Also, sometimes the distinctions of "easy" and "hard" are so subjective that it gets all mixed up. It might be hard for me to pick up a 100 lb. suitcase, but my H would find it pretty easy. And it's the same suitcase. So I don't know if MB is hard or easy on WS or FWS...but I do know that both of those perceptions can be very true for different people....even if the treatment is exactly the same.

Re: the issue of MB being tougher for the FWS

I think it may depend, in part, on where the FWS is in recovery.

Early in recovery (as SMB and tst are) emotions are running high. Any stress is magnified, and really, the last thing you need early in recovery is more stress. You need to focus on each other and shut out extraneous noise.

Later in recovery, it is probably easier to hear/read things that might have upset you just a month earlier. In fact, you may find yourself learning from the same posters whose words made you cringe earlier. I took a break from MB early in recovery and returned and found it more beneficial.

Just my thoughts.

PK

Could be SF...For instance, in the couple of times that you have tried to impeach me by bringing up my past as a wayward, and even included links to my old posts, it has not bothered ME, I saw that as your issue...Another FWS might have been really bothered by it though and have seen it as "tough"...

Mrs. W

Some of these posts miss the point. SMB and tst left, not because the board was hard on them because they are FW's, but because they were being continuously stalked by a TROLL. They feel let down by whomever allowed the troll to continue posting here and stalking them after numerous bannings. THAT is the problem.

No one "made" them do anything ML, and you know it.

They chose, and that may be a large part of the reason for thier choice. But it should have been easy enough to simply ignore the troll(s) and move on.

Every forum has its share of troll problems. The biggest part of the problem here imo is the reaction to the trolls, not the trolls themselves.

Post deleted by lifeschoice

tyk, I mostly agree with everything you said, however, I don't agree that it was easy ignore the troll. He hasn't been easy to ignore for them and many others. Agree very much that the bigger problem has been the bickering in REACTION to said troll.

edited to add: I didn't want to get into another fruitless troll debate, but just wanted it clear that they did not leave because waywards are mistreated here as some are characterizing this, but because of the troll and its subsequent fallout.

I think we ALL need to be kind and gentle to EVERYONE here. We are all in a fair amount of pain, even the FWS here that are seeking help to restore their Ms. If we try to honestly help and not project our own pain at eachother, I think that is where we can come together and help. After all isnt that why we are ALL here, to help and recieve help? I am a FWW and am here to gain advise and insight on how to rebuild my M. I understand that some responses are out of the posters pain and try very hard not to take it personally, for I truley believe that we FWS can gain so much from the BS here.

I think we all need to remember why we are all here, wouldnt Dr. Harley want that?

I agree with Mel - the point is that this particular troll kept returning. Even after SMB said flat out "don't post to me anymore" this troll kept coming back with different names, and also using that "SMB - please post to ___"

Frankly, I have been completely creeped out by her/him/it.
the blatant disregard for Mamabear and her H. Yes, there will be trolls, and yes the newbies can be warned. but when that troll keeps returning to stalk a certain poster.....that is just too creepy.

Frankly, if it had been happening to me I would imagine that I would be constantly looking over my shoulder wondering if my stalker was hiding somewhere.

Mamabear came here looking for help. She shared her story - all of the details, even the ones that made her look bad!!! She was looking for support,and also giving support when she could. She bared her soul. What has this BA troll come here for??? Support??? If so, he/she/it needs to share its story with us.

BY the way - I had to laugh this morning when I saw that BA was trying to give legal advice to Mr W! Now that right there is funny.

HA! I did not see that...I could use a good laugh...gotta go seek that one out! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

I was trying soooo hard not to post on this, but you all are driving me bonkers! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

2long said:


When I read this, I had hope. But then I read this....



Then I realized...nope. He doesn't get it either.

My original post had nothing to do with what my FWH wanted or needed to hear. He actually received a lot of support and encouragement here (except for the troll, oops, sorry, I think that's a politically incorrect word here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />). Everyone immediately saw in my FWH that he had gone through a radical defogging and was completely sincere and devastated at his choices this past year. The advice he received here was right on and he knew it.

MY POINT was that MB (forums) had let a FWS down in 2 ways:

1. By the mods allowing a poster that borderlines on stalking and has reincarnated himself over and over and over to be permitted to return after being removed for the umpteenth time.

2. By all the bickering that defocused from the purpose of being here. (Now, my FWH enjoys a good debate...but not at the expense of sidetracking threads).

He weighed the benefits with the costs, and decided that MB forums was not where he wanted to be right now.

DUH! Yes, we are aware of the ignore button and used it....over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...

for all 14 names changes and still counting...

LG wrote:


FWH is enthusiastic about all the principles of MBers. He printed out many articles and questionnaires and was eager to work through them. He has read and/or listened to HNHN, SAA, and Love Busters multiple times. At the request of FWH, we have been counseling with Jennifer.

His dismay has nothing to do with grasping, desiring, or even implementing MB principles. He has enthusiasticly led all of those things in our recovery. It is just about the disappointment the forums have been to him by:

1. being hounded and stalked by a troll who refuses to respect our wishes to not hear from him, and refuses to share his story by practicing openness and honesty here on the board

2. watching this troll be allowed back on the board after being banned a multitude of times (more than 14),

3. posters becoming sidetracked with unimportant issues and bickering, while BWs and FWSs are in need of help.


That's it. That's all there is to it.

I promised tst I would post this...uhm..."disclaimer".

He did not know that I was going to start this thread. And he did ask me to let him know if I ever saw someone that might be helped by him sharing. He doesn't really like all this "drama".

We are still laughing at how many pages long this thread is that no one was suppose to post to. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

SMB...

I understand completely...I'm sorry the thread got sidetracked...

Mrs. W

Girl that is too tempting don'cha'know??? That is like me telling you NOT to think about big round red baboon butts! Now what just ran through your mind??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

My question to both of you is why bother to even post if you didn't want any responses?

When I saw your message not to post I assumed it was for your stalker not for everyone else.

LC

Well, that was rude...and I really don't see the reason.