so that's considerable equity. ok.

Hi Vladie,

It doesn't seem fair having to deal with all the legal and financial stresses of a separation on top of the adultery. I know how you feel my friend.

This is exactly why it is imperative to sort this out ASAP so you don't continue to loose the remaining love you have for your WW. Treat her as you would an entitled teenager right now.

I also bought my WW out, but we needed to get an appraisal and I would assume you will need the same as part of the LSA.

I would insist that you will not accept any less than 50/50 and possibly, as a bargaining chip, agree to pay any extra curricular activities 60/40 (i.e. kids music or swimming lessons, etc.). This way the money goes directly to the kids instead of supporting her lifestyle.

The problem with negotiating directly with her is you will begin to hate her and that is why many here recommend going through a lawyer as this can get very nasty. I would also encourage you to use your lawyer and let her know that you are doing what your lawyer recommends.

If she is desperate to leave and can't afford to go to court as my WW was then she will probably take the offer.

I know how hard this is, but it is also imperative that you do not convey any weakness right now. She must feel that you will not buckle.


I would not consider myself reconciled although she would like us to be. There has been so much damage that I am very, very hesitant to move forward and that is why I am urging you to get this completed ASAP and go to a very dark Plan B.

I don't want her money as I am doing fine without it so try not to preoccupy yourself with this right now.

BTW, she regrets EVERYTHING now and your WW will probably too someday.

Hang in there!

Thanks HTW - I think I messed up read my update

Plan B broken yesterday. Went to drop DS and I told her that I got her solicitors letter and that all I can afford to give is $90,000. If she won't agree to that then I will go to court. She asked me to have a drink with her but I declined. She clearly didn't want to talk about that and said the reason she sent the letter threatening court is because I won't talk to her.

She said please have a drink again so I agreed. I was speaking at that stage so I said I may as well hear what she has to say. Everything got rehashed again over the next hour. Her A is over according to her. She wishes she hated OM but still doesn't. She told me that she misses our friendship and then she said "I miss you".

Unfortunately I think it was all a fishing expedition on her part. She is still unwilling to accept responsability for her A. She is livid about exposure and the fact that my Dad when asked by people will not cover for her and will say there was someone else involved. She was crying when she said that she misses me.

I told her again that I can't be her friend. She's either my wife or nothing. Its too painful for me. So really I think I screwed up by letting her know that she still has me waiting for her.

She talked about how lonely and hard it is on her own and I agreed. I told her it was madness. Then she said that she just wanted someone to love her and protect her and I said that you have that. I asked her that if she was looking in on our situation would she agree that I have done everything possible to recover the M. She said she agreed with that but she wouldn't 'hate her' either. (still very foggy).

So thats it folks she was really broken at times but a bit of venom came back at the end when she realised she can't manipulate me into being friends again. I felt like I got glimpses of my W but then again that could be just manipulation who knows?

I left without her giving me an answer on my offer so I said I would get my solicitor to put it in writing. She did say that she would not allow my and DS to lose our home. I got a text from her today asking for her tax number to which I didn't respond.

Comments and feedback greatly appreciated.

Vladie,

I don't think you've messed up and, even if you have, it's not terminal. Things aren't that black and white.

She displayed signs of what you interpreted as wanting to get back together with you. You now know she's missing you, you also know that her threats were just to try and break your darkness. Sounds like your Plan B is working!

What's good is that when you discovered that she wasn't really ready to reconcile, you said you were still interested and restated your boundary.

Get back to the dark side but be ready for the time when it might be appropriate to Plan A from a distance which seems to have worked for others as a way to encourage an end to Plan B.

DS when playing with his toys has spoken to them and says "mummy's at work but its ok daddy's here". I told WW that and she said she knows, so he must say the same thing when with her.

It makes me so sad. What is her problem? I asked her if the only reason she didn't want to reconcile was due to exposure and she said it wasn't the only reason but it was 'up there'.

I know the answer is a dark Plan B but sometimes I feel like plan a is what I should be doing. But then I realise that would be giving her what she needs to continue what she's doing.

Just need confirmation on what I'm doing. Thoughts???

Don't get sucked in again Vladie. She is going to incredible extrordinary lengths to break NC with you. Don't keep throwing her a bone.

BigK

I only spoke to her to make the offer. I have no intention of breaking Plan B again. She also said that she didn't know what to make of my Plan B letter and thought Dr. Harley wrote it for me cause she found a few sample letters I had printed. I explained that I meant every word and was following a plan towards personal recovery.

She still doubts my sincerity though and thinks how could I want to reconcile after whats happened. I was careful not to ask her to reconcile but I know she got that from what I said....

Ok please tell me I'm doing the right thing here???
And to be honest I don't even know what I would say if she did want to reconcile at this stage. Is that normal?

Most of the time, Plan B is necessary b4 reconciliation happens (85% of the time-sorry if you already knew that). Yes, it works...but it works BETTER if you stay DARK, Vladie. Stop letting her rattle you and jerk you around. It's obviously working (Plan B). You are just too close to the sitch to see it.

Stay STRONG, secure your finances and shield yourself from her drama. If she didn't care about you, she certainly wouldn't be "going to incredible extraordinary lengths to break NC with you" as BK put it.

You can do this!

LaLa - you took the words right out of my mouth!

Yes, it's normal. You can take it slow and decide if the relationship will still work for you. Once you two start meeting each other's needs though, you'll both fall madly in love with each other again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

As long as you can avoid LBs. Right BK? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Vladie,

You wrote: 'Ok please tell me I'm doing the right thing here???'

You are doing the right thing.

You wrote: 'And to be honest I don't even know what I would say if she did want to reconcile at this stage. Is that normal?'

IMHO, you need to sort yourself out on this one very quickly. Your boundaries for reconciliation need to be crystal clear in your own mind. Write them down and look back over them from time to time to check you are still comfortable. I also think you should plan how you are going to react if and when she does say she wants to reconcile.

I believe that handling the end of Plan B properly is crucial. If you don't do it right, you end up with a false recovery. Because I screwed it up the first time, I now know precisely what I'm going to say and do if that opportunity presents itself to me again. I even have it all written down.

Ok just thinking about something WW said on sunday when I broke Plan B to make the offer on the house. She said that all she wanted was someone to love her and protect her. Should I have said something there?

Should I break contact and tell her thats what she HAS?
Or does she already know? If so why would she say it. I think she said something along the lines that I didn't do that before.

Thoughts??? 2x4'S???

She's conflicted...she knows that's what she has. She also knows somewhere inside of her that she's the one who screwed that up for herself.

I know you miss her...I know you want to tell her how much you still love her. But you have done your best and now it's her turn. Don't lower the price of admission to your heart, Vladie.

You are doing the right thing...stay STRONG and PROUD (and DARK)!!

What are you doing to take care of yourself?

Hey Vladie...one more thing...

Before you think you have anything more to tell her (enough to break the Plan B darkness-which is working) go back and read your beautiful, loving, sweet PBL. It's all there, buddy...it's ALL there!

Thank you Lala I needed that. Just got a message from her saying "now that the car is safe (as in I bought 4 new tyres) please drop it to me fri. I will pay you after the settlement".

Now I am really pi$$ed off. Just as I was being sucked back in again and I get this. Settlement could be weeks away and she wants me to pay for her debts???

Just goes to show that I need to stay really dark to avoid getting some sort of hope when I see her broken only to have her turn araound and do something like this. I can;t wait till this seperation is finalised!!!!

Thanks again

We posted over each other...read my last post!

No way, no how on the car. Don't answer her...she knows the scoop. Just trying to bait you.

These are the things Plan B is supposed to shield you from, Vladie. Can you change your number? Get an intermediary asap. I know you don't think it's a good idea for the custody thing, but as long as she has a way to contact you when she has your son, that's all that should matter in court. Other than that...the intermediary can weed out the pertinent info and get that to you. All this other stuff is bullchit and she is trying to get to you any way she can!

You'll be OK...you are doing the right thing (say that about 100 times)!!

(((((Vladie))))))

Don't give her the car unless she pays Vladie. No WAY

vladie wrote: 'Should I break contact and tell her thats what she HAS?
Or does she already know? If so why would she say it. I think she said something along the lines that I didn't do that before.

Thoughts??? 2x4'S???'

2X4, THWACK, THWACK, THWACK

Oh and for considering the car?

THWACK

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

vladie,
Jack up the car take the wheels off and put them in storage until she pays.
no money no tires. The reason i say take the wheels off if she has a key she can get the car. No wheels she cant. She has to pay.


AF <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />