Thanks Mel, ya beat me to it!

What do you guys think about that saying

"He/she has done it once, they'll do it again."

Where does it come from?

Doesn't Dr.Phil say something like "past behaviour is future behaviour"

Past behavior usually is an indicator of future behavior, especially if the person does nothing to change. However, people CAN AND DO change if they are willing to work hard.

I don't think my H will do it again...

He CAN do it again..but I don't think he will..

Because I have CHANGED..he has CHANGED..we continue to WORK on ourselves and on our marriage..

I BELIEVE in the POWER of CHANGE and GROWTH...and of course FAITH...

Our first year of college WH (boyfriend then) and I were at different schools. That summer we became Christians, started really growing in our faith. The next year, then at the same school, after a big conference he told me that the previous year he had been unfaithful to me 3 times with 3 different people. I was SHOCKED. I honestly had no clue, and was pretty naive I guess. But he was adimant that he had changed, that He was a Christian now, that he chose to tell me because he wanted to be honest etc. I eventually worked through it, and really forgave him. Really built up complete trust again.

Now, of course, I feel so disenchanted - and wonder if I was just stupid for believing and trusting. Like you said, if they did it once.. I really believed that God had changed him. And I think he had..? So do you think that if he does ever come back, learning the MB principles, etc could be enough now? Is it possible that some people just don't have a regulated conciense? my counselor says WH is somewhat narcisstic, but peaking right now.. am i crazy for even leaving the door open for reconciliation?

I think I feel most disenchanted that, in the end, following God wasn't enough.

Don't you think that SATAN may be encouraging you to not put your FAITH in GOD?

TRUST in the LORD, Phoenix..

HE brought you and your WH together...

Satan is trying to drive you apart..

That's my belief..

I continued to TRUST IN THE LORD...

Give your WH over to HIM...but don't lose your FAITH in HIM...

I share your fears.

I am finding it extremely difficult to trust again. I don't want to set myself up for "the worst pain imagineable" ever again. But what choice do I have if I ever want to love again?

thanks mimi, and yes - i do think that sometimes. right now i'm still at a very low, grey kind of place so it's just hard to keep seeing straight. one of my pastors always prays something very simple over me, but that has been profound in my spirit..

God is at work.

always true, no matter how things look.

I also read recently a book about just how valuable our faith is to God - so valuable that He even lets us go through such things that bring it about. The book also talked about something even deeper than faith, that being fidelity. That sometimes we're beyond a place of even being able to have faith, but can still choose fidelity.

Phoenix, I found myself several years ago at a place where something devastating was happening in my life and it made no sense to me. I spent a lot of time praying for understanding and saying "Lord, I don't understand!" The only answer I received was Proverbs 3:5. I guess that is part of what faith is - when nothing makes sense will we trust Him anyway?

Your "grey" place reminded me of the following verse. I looked it up in 2 different translations. It's for those of us who do find ourselves in a place where there is little light and a whole lot of gray.

Isaiah 50:10 (English Standard Version)
10 Who among you fears the Lord
and obeys his servant?
If you are walking in darkness,
without a ray of light,
trust in the Lord
and rely on your God.

And the same verse in the New Living Translation said:

10 Who is among you who [reverently] fears the Lord,
who obeys the voice of His Servant,
yet who walks in darkness and deep trouble
and has no shining splendor [in his heart]?
Let him rely on, trust in, and be confident in the name of the Lord,
and let him lean upon and be supported by his God.

Dealing with infidelity is one of those times when there is no "shining splendor" in our heart - broken, bruised and bleeding - not much spendor. I hope this doesn't sound "preachy" and no offense is meant. {{{hugs}}}

You sound right on target to me, Grap...

thanks graplin! very good to read. i'll also throw in the message version:

Who out there fears God,
actually listens to the voice of his servant?
For anyone out there who doesn't know where you're going,
anyone groping in the dark,
Here's what: Trust in God.
Lean on your God!

i was thinking about those words, 'lean on' and 'rely on' ..
what that looks like tangibly in .. this ..

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