[edit: post removed due to inappropriate use of MB posting privileges]

http://www.myspace.com/

BA/LL, I am sure you know about this already. I am sure you could figure out how to have some fun on this site and meet some new friends too.

...just preserving the "integrity" of the record...

I wonder if the folks at LoveShack know who they are dealing with. He's got several ID's over there too.

wait, he used another ID after his big apology. Please say it isn't so.

BA,
I've always felt that your were either,
A) institutionlized
or

B) Homebound becauase of some physical ailment.

I suspect that any contact with the outside world for you, comes through your computer.

If this is the case, I feel badly for your sitch.

At the same time, walking into a MB forum was truly the wrong choice from someone who has not been M'd and has no clue to the pain associated with infidelity.

There are other forums out there that you would be far more welcolm in, other than this one. Couldn't you explore that possiblity furthur?

I do wish you well.

All Blessings,
Jerry

BA uses the boards for his own entertainment.

His ability to evade banning by Admin is what concerns me.

This type of technology could wreak havoc on a message board if used by several people as an assault on the board. I imagine that Admin would have to shut the board down until they learned a way to combat such an assault.

Many board members would suffer a great loss of this wonderful resource should that scenario ever occur.

I can’t respond to all the questions, but I’ll answer some:

I don’t believe I have to be an actual BS/OW/OM/WS to know the effect an affair can have on a marriage, families, relatives and friends. I have been in relationships, I have relatives who have experience infidelities, and I have close friends who come from broken homes. In today’s world, sadly, infidelity, divorce, and broken homes are everywhere. One does not have to be burned by fire in order to know that it hurts and destroys.

Some of you seem to be very suspicious or shocked that I would care about marriage and infidelities and even go as far to say that I am homebound, etc. But, do you ever question or got suspicious about people who are not orphans themselves caring about children without parents, people who are cancer free caring about cancer and finding a cure, people who are in the upper class caring about the poor, etc.

A lot of you have views about me that are clouded by your first impression of me due to my first screen name. But, can you quote any advice, statement, or opinion of mine, especially recently, that’s far deviated from what an average poster would have written? Can you say that statements made by me are so outrageous and completely different from everyone else?

I really hope that the focus on me will die very soon so people can focus on people in need.

p.s. I will be on a trip for few days where I might not (or want to) have easy access to the internet. Please don’t assume that I am banned, because you will be disappointed or pleasantly surprised depending on who you are.

BA

actually my impression of you came only from your deceptive practices that you are now conveniently forgetting. ****** edit ******.

(edit...you have got to be kidding me!)

MEDC - you've got mail
Thanks
Crayola

BA, have you read a single Marriage Builders book?

You are WRONG about this. An affair is a MAJOR LIFE TRAUMA...life-altering, utterly damaging to the SOUL. Your statement here clearly indicates that you do not understand what folks here are experiencing. Maybe you can intellectually KNOW the effect of RAPE..the MURDER of a LOVED ONE.SAME EFFECT as an AFFAIR..but you certainly can't empathize with the EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE...SAME EFFECT as an AFFAIR. It can be HARMFUL and DANGEROUS for new folks for you to make such a CLAIM...and to base your advice SOLELY on KNOWLEDGE and your MINIMAL and LIMITED LIFE EXPERIENCES.



I think you can CARE but in CARING you want to be truly HELPFUL...not HURTFUL...as you see has been the case HERE...



You are in no way AN AVERAGE POSTER...as indicated by your statement above..The AVERAGE POSTER here has been EMOTIONALLY WOUNDED..with a SHOTGUN BLAST to the SOUL...after 5 years, I continue to be in the midst of healing...



These two statements are inconsistent. You do think you are special and are wanting attention. As I have indicated, people HERE are HURTING. We don't have interest in focusing on you and your plans.

(I admit going into motherly sarcasm at this point): I suspect that you feel like you do not need to read the Harley books because you already know the answers based on your life experience...yes, I feel like I'm talking to my sons..my voice gets louder and louder when I am feeling frustrated by their know-it-all attitudes at such a young age... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

"A lot of you have views about me that are clouded by your first impression of me due to my first screen name."

Actually many posters here didn't seem bothered by your first choice in posting name (or in any of the other names you chose). But eventually even some who didn't worry about your first name's implied false claim, did start to object to the way you frequently assumed new names, especially when you pretended to be another poster here (SchoolBus). Pretending the only objection was to your first posting name is intellectually dishonest. And you know what? IMHO it destroys what little bit of credibility you might have gained with your coming clean post. If it really were true that the problems concerning your posts were ONLY some prejudice against because of your first posting name, then changing your name ONE TIME, to a name that wasn't so misleading, AND answering the questions about yourself, would have quieted the suspicions right away. Instead you defiantly refused to take any of the advice offered on how to be trusted and taken more seriously here. Pretending to be another poster certainly is not something you can pretend was done to quiet anbody's concerns about what you were up to!!!

"But, can you quote any advice, statement, or opinion of mine, especially recently, that’s far deviated from what an average poster would have written? Can you say that statements made by me are so outrageous and completely different from everyone else?"

Actually you have finally revealed that you don't believe BS's can or should successfully save their marriages. So apparently you do not really endorse marital recovery after adultery, let alone using MB principles to do so. IMHO it should be noted that those who suspected your agenda was to discourage those trying to reconcile had you pegged accurately! (BTW, so much for the he only wants attention so just ignore him theory, eh?)

Also, your refusal to answer any questions about yourself was a major deviance from how people normally post here.

It was noted that eventually you tried posting certain bits of advice that parroted the sort of thing people usually post here... but by then your choices had already generated so much suspicion that was (accurately?) seen as just another troll-tactic. Perhaps you did that just so you could now point to those few examples?

BTW: I strongly oppose the locking and deleting of messages and threads since what that effectively does is remove evidence. Then when posters who didn't read along with a dispute from it's genesis get involved, they can easily be exploited by the troll-suspect and/or one of the 'sides' in the dispute. It also enables the baiting game too: where the posts that led up to some frustrated postings are deleted leaving only the 'hostile' reactions for the posting-police to chastise. I prefer to have all that's been posted remain as clear evidence so each poster can make up their own mind what's going on without having to take another poster's word for it.

IMHO this claim that BA just made is an excellent example of why it only aids the dishonest when things are deleted or locked (so the archives would have to be searched to find the proof otherwise):

"A lot of you have views about me that are clouded by your first impression of me due to my first screen name."

If all the evidence of BA's frequent name changes, pretending to be another poster, harrassment of couples attempting recovery, refuals to answer questions, game playing, etc. were deleted or locked (so they drifted away to the back pages), those who didn't read the deleted or locked threads and messages would have little reason to doubt BA's current claim.

As MEDC posted: "actually my impression of you came only from your deceptive practices that you are now conveniently forgetting."

And which BTW much of the evidence of which has been conveniently destroyed or hidden by deletions and lockings.

What was the first screen name? I don't know it.

Mimi I think his first screen name was 'BestAdvisor'.

And the concern was based partly on why a newcomer here would call themselves that, then further deepened by his refusal to give any info that might perhaps back up that claim.

Then to compound the problem BA kept changing names. And this was obviously not done in a manner that might alleviate suspicion either: BA didn't give notification of the name changes, didn't choose better names (as in less charged or less misleading), and even pretended to be another poster (SchoolBus).

BTW, I totally agree with what you posted about BA not really knowing what the betrayal of adultery is like just because he's maybe done some research on it... I have no doubt he believes he knows what it would feel like and even how he would react. I remember thinking I knew how I would react if my husband ever cheated on me... until I had to actually deal with the reality of it that is!

My daughters think they know all about everything already too LOL.

I remember once seeing an accident where a pick-up truck rolled over several times. We had just pulled over because it was such a driving rain. Then this truck flew by, hydroplaned, and flipped a few times into the median. Nobody was hurt but I was simply amazed at how different seeing that in person was compared to seeing so many auto accidents on tv or in movies was! I actually felt a little bit embarrassed at how upsetting it was. It was not something I can even adequately explain it was such a wierd feeling. I guess that's why we have that saying 'you had to be there'?

I think those who suspected that BA was targeting newly recovering couples and trying to discourage them were right.

BA has admitted that he doesn't believe a WS can change or that a BS should give a WS another chance.

IMHO an apology is owed to the couple who recently left MB's because of BA's obsessive interest in them.

And I am not merely referring to an apology from BA either.
Because apparently BA's intent was harmful to that couple. That means the defense of BA's presence and purpose here was an enabling factor in driving that couple away from MB's. I'm not saying that anybody besides BA had trying to discourage that couple from trying to reconcile as their agenda; just that their defense of BA inadvertantly helped to serve that purpose.

agreed.

Yes...And I think that PRIDE is the reason why one of those people won't apologize and continues today to defend BA...I think that person messed up by doing this and just won't own it...Instead she continues to justify and rationalize all in the name of foolish pride...blech...

Mrs. W

Edited for TOS violations

BA, I was also wondering why you'd spend time posting here if you didn't have any personal experience with adultery and are so young. I don't mean it as an insult but I was wondering if maybe you were somehow physically less abled?
I have a chronic problem with one of my feet that causes a lot of pain the longer I am on my feet. So when I get home from work (or when I am off work over the holidays) I spend more time online because I'm trying to stay off my feet.

But still, I don't get it why somebody of your age and who is not a BS, WS, or OP would even want ot post here.

Also, I just find it hard to understand why somebody so young would want to post here as much as you have. As another poster said, I don't think I could convince my daughters to post here even if I paid them to LOL.

... preservation of BA's words again ...