Can't or WON'T?

Regarding: pride

When it comes to the portrayal of overwheening pride exhibited, Orchid's name doesn't even make the top ten list, IMO. I have found her to be one of the kindest, gentlest, peaceful members on this forum. Not that we should or could, but a rollcall for a vote of "most prideful people" from the participants of this forum would most likely prove just how outlier is your opinion.

Calling for civility does not equal defending. Yes, I know it's very convenient to strive hard to make them equal because that better suits some, but repeating it ad nauseum still doesn't make it true.

Calling for the forum participants to follow the terms of service they agreed to is also not defending, nor is encouraging the offending poster to consider adjusting their posting style.

In the TOS is this:

Considering the real-time nature of this bulletin board, it is impossible for us to review messages or confirm the validity of information posted. Please remember that we do not actively monitor the contents of and are not responsible for any messages posted. We do not vouch for or warrant the accuracy, completeness or usefulness of any message, and are not responsible for the contents of any message. The messages express the views of the author of the message, not necessarily the views of this BB or any entity associated with this BB. Any user who feels that a posted message is objectionable is encouraged to contact us immediately by email. We have the ability to remove objectionable messages and we will make every effort to do so, within a reasonable time frame, if we determine that removal is necessary.

What were the instructions?

"Encouraged to contact us."

Not continue to engage.

Not appoint yourself as the forum sheriff, all badged up and hangnoose ready with demands that someone leave.

Not jump on your horse and gather your posse and chase the offender from thread to thread.

Not get so wrapped up in the holy rightness of your cause that you turn your pistols onto other long-time participants who may not agree with your tactics.

Not choose to continue to disobey the moderators who have said and I quote, "ignore and report".

Not "break the forum law" in order to take it upon yourself to "enforce the forum law."

******************edit********

Grap:

I say.. my opinion... LET THE PAST BE THE PAST and let's deal with THE PRESENT..which is BA's statement here...

What do you think about what he/she is saying NOW on this thread?

I can't get past me identifying him with MY BOYS..who do care about others and VOLUNTEER at the local hospital..not in doing lay counseling but by doing menial chores that the staff does not do..like delivering flowers and cards.. and they help feed the homeless on some Saturday mornings...

Maybe I'm being judgemental..but regularly visiting a MBer's INFIDELITY forum and considering the posts to be HELPFUL?

That is not NORMAL, BA...

************edit**********
Mrs. W

I was hoping that this can remain focused on BA..and not that GROUP THINK discussion and all that...

mimi, the whole idea of supporting trolls is to redirect the focus away from the troll and onto another subject. (sarcasm)
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I can remember being a "yute" and thinking how obvious the importance of my opinion and the "wisdom" behind it... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

After a couple more decades I began to get a better inkling of just how much I didn't know and just what a doofus I had been - and how in the world did the older adults around me tolerate it? So, like you, I recognize the youthful failure to recognize one's possible current limitations of understanding.

"Let it be" is a good choice, IMO. Stop making him a focus and he will most likely move on when the drama dies down and go back to the movies, computer games and/or other activities that kept him occupied.

I don't think I would have ever responded to anything associated with him or his posts if he had not become a weapon with which to whack about the head people I appreciate and admire.

If the people who were offended had put him on ignore after reporting him to the mods, this would have died down long ago and there would have been less damage incurred, IMO.

I gotcha, BA109... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for the post, Grap..I got you, too... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

We are on the same page...

Either remain focused on what he is currently saying or ignore him entirely.

Go through the thread though and see what has occurred (mixed in with some folks who were willing to let him start with a cleaned slate).

First, it was rejection of his apology by some and a continuation of the same type of responses to him that had been posted before.

Second, it was to use him as a weapon to start cutting at long-time participants here who had the audacity to have a differing approach.

Same thing that happened before.
Same thing happening again.
Same people involved.

************edit************

Grap:

We may not be on the same page afterall...

I'm not supportive of argumentation..civil wars..feuds.. here on MBers...too anxiety-provoking for folks who come here under duress...

I'm supportive of the owners of this forum and the mods..

So far, they have agreed to BA's continued posting..

So I may or may not continue to post to HIM..about his purposes here as he states on THIS THREAD...

It's okay, Mimi. I think we have more in common than we have differences. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W,

Please identify the 'one of those people' you are referenced?

That is quite an accusation you are making.

Thanks,
L.

Why do you ask Orchid?

Mrs. W

Orchid...

Let it go...

It's not true of YOU and you know it...

Or else..here we go again...

Let's just talk about BA...or not...

My stab at peacemaking...

...SIGH...

Read through the posts of those SUFFERING last night..

None of this is helpful to THEM...and they CHOOSE to be HERE to get HELP from US...

T/J:

ORCHID:

You and MEL were always HERE when I needed you MOST on the weekends..

You both were such BLESSINGS to me...

That's what COUNTS...and matters...for you TWO to carry on...

Mimi,

U R right. I am saddened when persons try to hold onto lies and use it to jump to inaccurate conclusions. I have explained things in the past and realize I can't control the postings of others.

I will heed your words of wisdom and reconsider my need to restate the true reasons again. My reasons were posted on other threads and even referenced on this thread so restating it again and again eventually becomes futile. My reasons have not changed so others can research if they want.

I thank you for helping myself and others refocus.

You are truly a gem for us here @ MB. Hey, I like gem better than vets, doncha'? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mahalo,
L.

I was trying to give them dating advice and friend making advice. ***********edit*********** But it is my honest feeling since they really do not tell us much,,,, we can suppose whatever we want to based on what they do say in thier posts and what they tell about themselves and how they act.

Orchid,
You are amazing! I have always been in awe of you. You have such a sweet and gentle spirit. You have a way about you that is inspiring. Gentle, kind, yet firm and/or feisty as needed.

Mimi,
Wow. I gain more and more respect for you each time you post. That last post was great! It is like a breath of fresh air. A deep breath. You are calming.

Thank you both.

SK,

We can suppose whatever we want. The limit comes when we decide to post it to forums as public as this one. If the type of advice wasn't in line with MB's focus, then this may not be the best place to share it.

I can't write everything I think or feel about here either. The reason is I work hard to keep my posts in line with why we are here. Trying to stay in focus with the purpose of this site, is sometimes quite challenging. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I am sure your heart was in the right place..... maybe just a bit frustrated since all the drama was a big roadblock? It was for many of us.

Time to get back to what we do best here, right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

M&L,

Thank you for your kind words. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I agree with you about Mimi. She has helped many here stay focused and do an awesome job of personal and M recovery.

Keep up the good work!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.