Oh let's all sit around in a circle and sing kum bye yah

***********edit************

BA,

I've been with family for a few days, so haven't read or posted.

Thank you for posting your story. It wasn't nearly what we were led to believe, and not even "unbelievable", as one of your earliest posts alluded to - but that's fine with me. It's better that you have no pain regarding adultery and affairs, because I would not wish this on anyone. I do not wish that you even "understand" that pain, because if you did, you would hurt like nothing before in your life for the people on the boards - - -

both wayward spouses equally with betrayed spouses.


You see, the waywards are as broken as the betrayed, just in different ways.


Their recovery from adultery takes a different course, in a different timeline, but with the same destination if the two decide to recover the marriage. That is what this board strives to do - recover the marriage. If we sat back and judged against the waywards all day, then, what would be the point of attempting to recover marriages?


Had I had this attitude, my now 32 year marriage would have fallen apart when I was pregnant with my oldest daughter, and again a year or so later. But we put it back together and held it together for 28 years, until my husband slipped.

We would not have had our second daughter together, and that would have been a shame. We wouldn't have had the trials of our lives, our homelessness together. We wouldn't have worked ourselves out of that, and put one another through college, and to find success together in what we are doing now.

BA,

We ALL are broken, in one way or another - every single living human being. We ALL try to justify ourselves when we do something wrong or stupid - this is human nature.

But on these boards we are working through affairs to recover a marriage, and working to learn so much. About forgiveness, about repairing relationships, and about our own roles in how things got to the point of being so wrong that an affair occurred.

We need support, not judgement. Both BS and WS - because it is so often the case that a WS will post here and say

"I don't want this marriage to succeed"
"ILYBNILWY"

and other stuff

but with work they come through it all, and only months later say

"I was so wrong, so stupid, please help me fix it with my BS".

I urge you to learn first. I can say this: I have been in my twenties before - but YOU have never been in your fifties. I can look back and say, "I thought I knew" and know that I DIDN'T know.

In this case, BA, you don't really know our pain. Intellectually, you know we hurt.

You cannot hurt like we do, and cannot know our pain as we feel it.

Please, do not judge and hate the WS. They need as much help as the BS here.

I also encourage you to read some old threads on forgiveness. Because I think you need to understand that.



Schoolbus

Ok. Big K.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Kum Bah Ya

ROTFLMAO Mimi!

BK- you are hilarious!!!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Just for clarification, I think this should be changed to "A lot of you have views about me that are clouded by your first impression of me due to my plethora of screen names."

(I love the word "plethora".) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

HA! So does our dd8 Neak! On her first day of second grade she told her teacher, "There are a plethora of people in this class!" Her teacher said, "That is a ka-ching word!" Our dd8 said, "Ka-ching is an onomatopoeia!" What a show-off! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Neak,

I have found that there is a dearth of words meaning the opposite of plethora.

SB

Although I won't post the method in an open forum, if any of the mods want to contact me, there is a perfectly good way of preventing people from adopting more than one screen name.

BA, I'm sure you have invaluable advice...in the right
forum, perhaps the gals and a few gentlemen over at **********edit********** might benefit from your "wisdom". seriously, these folks are in definite denial and you could post on **********edit********** while awaiting your membership approval. Yoiu may sway a **********edit********** over there. Good Luck on that

it is interesting how much moderator time is being spent on these boards to make sure that a person that has impersonated another poster, stalked two others, flaunted their repeated name changes and intentionally inflamed emotions on this board, is not insulted in anyway. And I don't mean just by name calling...no, even posts that suggest a better forum for a certain poster get edited. PC must be in the water. I guess this will warrant a shift/8 as well.

Mods, Sorry about that, just suggesting a better use of his talents. GF

BA

I'd like to respond to a couple of things you said:


You went beyond just caring. You gave advice to people suffering from the pain of infidelity. And your advice was not based on your own experience. With that said, you have tried to defend yourself with the following statement:



For me, personally, I am not suspicious of anyone who has not had cancer caring for those who have it. BUT, I would not have welcomed a cancer-free person's advice on issues such as how to get rid of the metallic taste in my mouth that chemo gave me and what foods to try when the metallic taste was replaced by sores-or what to do for the blisters on my skin as the toxins tried to get out, or what worked for sensitive fingertips and peeling nails.

I also don't think a cancer free person would be able to share any stories about how "chemo brain" was affecting them. If they did, I WOULD be very suspicious as to why they were sharing this with me.

I honestly don't think a cancer free person who cared for those with cancer would even venture to give advice to a cancer patient. Why? Because they can't. They haven't experienced it. And a caring, cancer-free person knows that.

These were things I turned to my fellow cancer patients for. Just like here at MB. I also turned to my oncologist and the oncology nurses. True, they hadn't experienced cancer personally-but they were trained professionals who worked daily with cancer patients, like Dr. Harley and his team do with couples trying to survive infidelity.

That's all-

God Bless you, and thank you for that anology!!GF.

Yes..WONDERFUL, JT....

You know what I think is so cool?

I, finally, can say with some certainty, that I can't think of anything more 2 say 2 BA.

I can't even think of a good reason 2 comment on his first post on this thread.

Be well, troops.

-ol' 2long

In the spirit of 2 long, I cannot think of even 2 more reasons to respond.

But I will respond to JT, yes that chemo brain is like nothing else. I still have a bit of it two years after treatment! My hips just stopped hurting from Taxol TWO YEARS after the treatment! It thought the pain would never go away. I feel lucky. Recovery from the treatments are hard. You did good being in that race.