here's my advice...
stay and plan A for a set amount of time...

she's living with the OM correct...

you think if you move she will drop the OM and move with you....

IF she was living with you it seems more plausable to move....

but this way...

you move and she may very well come/follow..
but in my opinion it will have little to do with recovery but will just be more of the same old running away...

she runs away from you to the om..
she runs away from OM to you in new place...

it's all just running around...with no true insight in to the ACTIONS...

everyone just keeps saving her..

in her mind OM saves her from her marriage
now
husband saves her from OM...

round and round we go.....

what's your time frame for the move...is there time do a good plan A....

and I wouldn't tell her about your plans to move either...
not during plan a...

time frames just give permission...
ohh he's moving in three months...so I can cake eat for three months more before I decide...

plan B...

then move....

ark^^

First, I can't stay put a) because of lack of work and money here and b) she has no respect for me staying here, I sincerely feel if I got a good job even if away from here that would work in my favour not against.
Melody, I think your suggestions are spot on what I need to do.
So here's my plan....
I anticipate it is going to take a couple of months due to non related issues to find a new job away from here, so in that time I am going to carry on with Plan A, BUT with no financial support other than obviously lunch together or something like that.
Hopefully their relationship and addiction will continue to decline as it definitely has been in just the two weeks they have been living together.
My hope and plan is that with my Plan A and the reality and issues in their relationship, she will reach a "tipping point" when I have a new job and will WANT to go with me.
I'm not holding out false hope, but I don't honestly see with her unhappiness and the issues they have, it will last very long.
In the event she doesn't want to come and they are still together I will go anyway, which will prompt a default Plan B.
How does that sound to???

Oh forgot to add, that previously I was just going to move to Tokyo in 3 weeks and look for a job. I realised that was a bad idea, out of sight out of mind etc. so now I am going to travel from here go up for a few days and come back which I think would be better.

I like your plan, spike. It gives you more time in Plan A and more time for the affair to crumble. By the time you got a job elsewhere and are ready to move, her affair would be over or you would be at the point of Plan B, which would all dovetail perfectly. Then after you move, she could follow you if she were willing to meet the conditions laid out in your PBL letter.

Also, for the reasons ark gave, I don't think you should tell her you are moving until you are ready to move. She could use that to prolong her affair.

The only thing that bothers me is it's not enough time in Plan A. I don't know when I will get a job but I'm estimating a couple of months which combined with the last 3-4 weeks is quite a short Plan A

Saying that after only two weeks their affair/relationship seems to be crumbling and money for her is becoming more and more of an issue so maybe it will be enough time?

spike,

The opportunity for you to do a textbook Plan A has been taken away in the sense that she's elected to move in with the OM.

You can therefore only work with what you have. If all she's seen from you is Mr Perfect before you go Plan B, then that'll be fine.

Yeah that's true...

The good thing I guess is that reality seems to be seriously breaking the bubble, so fingers crossed that continues and more love busting behaviour in the next couple of months!
Thanks

I just wish I could stop over analyzing things though....sometimes I think I have it all figured out and don't!
Like she spent xmas with him which was tough BUT she buys me $400 cufflinks and for him she bought.....nothing and I do believe her......
Crazy huh!

spike, I think that is plenty of time in Plan A. If you can't demonstrate your best side in 3 months, I doubt it can be done. That being said, if you get ready to move and feel like it would be more advantegeous to stay in Plan A, there is no reason you can't do that. There is no law that states you MUST go into Plan B at that time.

I just wanted to update, mainly because it makes me feel better!!
I finally feel like she is no longer lying to me, I am also beginning to feel that I am no longer being kept as Plan B for her, the OM being Plan A.
I am doing the Plan A and trying to avoid heavy relationship stuff but today I spent time with her, took her to hospital for something minor, and she said to me, that she thinks I am the only person out of everybody who really cares about her. Then she mentioned the huge argument she had had with the OM two days ago.
I asked her two questions, in a friendly non pressured way as the time seemed good...
She has kept saying recently that she just needs the power to leave him because she is unhappy, so I said to her, you still like him/love him don't you which is the real reason you don't leave. She said yes, but there was only a tiny amount left (in her lovebank) for him, and that I had gone way up not only due to my actions especially if I can meet her EM needs, but also because of his actions and lovebusting.
I asked her that several months before when her affair started she said the famous ILYBINILWY line. I asked her how she felt about me now. She said she loved me very much and to wait for her a little bit longer. She actually said that she didn't love me as a friend but as a partner, as emotional love.
So, it does seem to be working, though how much of that is due to my Plan A and how much due to his lovebusting I don't know.
For the first time though I kinda feel like she is actually telling me the truth rather than telling me what I want to hear or trying to keep me around as Plan B.
Anyway thanks for listening!