You couldn't be more wrong here.

Most divorces occur because one parnter doesn't "love" the other anymore and most are filed by women.

Fathers still get screwed. Cheating is not a factor in No Fault Divorce, remember?

Please resupply the link; it is not working. I'm at a loss to figure out how there can be more deadbeat mothers when most of the kids end up living with the mothers. For instance, from divorcemag.com, in 2002: "84% of the payers [of child support] were male." You aren't going to pay child support to the parent who's not raising the kids. Therefore, for there to be more deadbeat mothers, of the 16% of female payers, help me with the math, you'd have to have something like at least 99% of all females NOT paying, to even approach a 51% majority of female deadbeats.


I couldn't care less what happens in the courts; I won't be divorcing when child custody is an issue. I just prefer to have a logical argument with real statistics, not generalizations, that's all. I'm quite willing to admit when I've been proven wrong; I love learning and expanding my horizon; so far, I haven't seen your proof.

Those who are calling you bitter are doing so because of the words you use and the tone you convey with them. Rephrase your arguments in a non-emotional, logical, fact-filled basis and you won't hear the word bitter. Would you like me to go back and pull out all the phrases you have used, to demonstrate?

You can be bitter all you want, and I support your right to want to change things so you don't get screwed again by a vindictive ex. But if you really want to change anyone's mind here, leave the angst at the door, and you'll have more chance at convincing me.

cat,

The link works but this board screwed it up. You need to copy the link and paste it into your browsers address bar.

I will try again though:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,59963,00.html

You couldn't be more wrong here.

Most divorces occur because one parnter doesn't "love" the other anymore and most are filed by women.

Fathers still get screwed. Cheating is not a factor in No Fault Divorce, remember?
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NOT ON THIS SITE.
and I did specifically said THIS site.
YOU really need to read the MB concepts and what this site is all about.

Life exists outside this site ya know. The truth is the truth.

This site is about building marriages. You can't do that if you fail to understand the motivations fed to women by the family courts.

Life exists outside this site ya know. The truth is the truth.

This site is about building marriages. You can't do that if you fail to understand the motivations fed to women by the family courts.
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Well, I was specifically responding to a post that said to research women ON THIS SITE.

You can't build a marriage if you fail to to understand the motivations fed to women by the family courts?
LOL....well, that's ONLY if they GO there in the first place.

IF they had come here first they might have recovered THE marriage. ( btw....H and i went to MC to figure out how to be mature and do what was int he childrens best interest IF we decided to divore)

But, truth is...I shouldn't be on the Divorce board because i have not gone thru a divorce and I can't be fully empathetic. so, I'll go now.

You have to understand the bias in the courts in a motivation to destroy marriage and that is why women file most often.

Consider this, when couples have problems and one party knows they can take the easy way out and be rewarded...that is motivation.

You wanna help people save marriages, you first have to understand that the family courts are enticing women to file for divorce as the easy way to solve their marital problems.

Now, I know people on this site don't take the Marriage Strike seriously but you should. Read up on it and you will hear what SYF and I have said echoed a thousand times over.

Nia,

That would seem to make sense, however, what I find is that women get bitter when a man is with another woman, whether through cheating or no. You know, just like it was in Junior High!

It's sad. If parents would BE parents and adults, that's what would reduce the problems in custody issues. When it comes to issues regarding our children, it really doesn't matter what got us there, just what we do at that point.

I am very glad you haven't had to deal with this issue. It truly sucks. All I want is to be with my kids and be left alone. Is that really too much to ask?

Yes it is, you are a man.

Sorry, Garak, I keep forgetting my place...... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Let's evaluate reality here:

It is claimed that the man usually leaves the family home first. This is true but let's look at why.

Domestic Violence laws favor women, does anyone deny this?

If a woman wants a man to leave she has 2 options. She can demand that he leave and he may do it. Is he wrong for doing as she says?

Well, let's say he refuses to leave. She can then call the police, claim she feels "threatened" and he will be forced to leave by the police. She will then be able to file for a restraining order locking him away from his home and his children. This restraining order will be used against him in a custody hearing. Yet, he never touched her you say. It doesn't matter, she has a police report and therefore the restraining order is usually granted. What did he do wrong?

You see, if he leaves voluntarily he is screwed. If he refuses to leave, he is screwed. You can't claim that the deck is not stacked against him.

Now, let's look at something else. If a woman leaves to go stay with a friend or relative she can take the children and there is nothing he can do about it. However, if he does the same he can be charged with kidnapping and even if not charged he will be frowned upon in the custody hearing as taking the children from their mother.

Folks, everyone knows these things, why doesn't anyone apply them?

You know how hostile people get when a father asks for equality. You should know better. I am now forced to remind you of your place.

You are a slave, you have responsibilities without rights in regards to HER children. You will pay (getting sick, laid off, etc.. is no excuse for not paying her) or you will go to jail.

Ok, I see that in 2002, there were about 2 million deadbeat dads, and there were about 289,000 deadbeat moms. That makes...1,711,000 more men than women who are not paying. That's 1.7 million men. Of course, if you want to talk percentage, it looks worse for women: 43% of women do not pay their child support to their ex; 32% of men do not pay. But it also says:

The article also doesn't describe that the percentage of men who pay has risen dramatically since the government-mandated automatic wage garnishment won't allow many more men to go without paying as easily; therefore the percentage has risen in the last decade dramatically.

So you agree that percentagewise moms are less likely to pay.

What if fathers gained custody by default 90% of the time? Moms would have the higher percentage and the highest numbers of deadbeats.

No matter how you crunch the numbers, overall moms are less willing to child alimony than men are.

Is there some reason why you didn't already know this? Is there some reason that the media doesn't report it?

It's ok, you can say it, we already know, there is anti-father bias at all levels. From courts to the media.

Now, I have proven what I set out to prove. Do you still think men are to blame for the bias?

I love how you claim that moms can't afford it. Well, did it ever occur to you that dads can't afford it either?

Yes, I can prove that too.

Take it from a prosecutor who has put hundreds of so-called deadbeat dads in jail:

http://www.ancpr.org/deadbeat.html

Don't like that link, I got plenty more. Reality is scary isn't it. How can this happen in America?

All I want is to be with my kids and be left alone. Is that really too much to ask?
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No, of course not.
I admire you for that.

I do feel lucky that I have not had to deal w/ it and know only a few people who have.....of the few I do know....I know 2 people who ARE REAL deadbeats.....interestingly enough..1 is a man and 1 is a woman.

The guy just took off......moves from place to place to place to avoid paying child support.

TE woman is far worse....she collects for # DDs when the man is only the biological father of !. He does not complain because he knew and loved the little girls as his own and wouldn't do that TO them. He is trying to get custody of ALL3 because she has a drug addiction and really IS a mean and vindictive person and and awful mother.....It's been tough for him. I wish him luck....he's a good guy.

So she has a drug addiction and the courts still won't grant custody to the father? I rest my case.

I see that sort of thing all the time. My brothers ex has been in and out of COURT ORDERED drug rehab centers for years but she retains custody.

She sent the kids to live with him (but she is still the custodial parent and he is supposed to pay her child alimony) and after 3 years of them living with him he tried to collect child alimony from her. He was told that they can't get the money from her if she in unemployed. Annoyed, he asked them why they hounded him when he was unemployed and they hung up on him. You see, an unemployed man will go to jail for failure to pay. An employed women, they weren't even willing to pursue her.

Nope, no bias here.

Anyway, to answer Moonlight_Flower original question.

The courts won't let him slide on child alimony because they need him to pay it. It ensures their jobs plus the state gets money when child alimony is paid through them.

However, someone has to report that he not paying (in most states). If you don't report it, they will never know.

Garak,

Even if they did take the kids away from drug mommy, she would get them back if she just went to a few classes and said she was clean.

In my case, there were false allegations of yelling around, not at, the kids. I must jump through numerous hoops for many years and admit to the false allegations before the court will even consider giving me normal visitation rights. Yes, you read that correctly - I must admit to false charges.

Oh, and the other side never proved anything, but over the course of the hearings the allegations became worse and worse, again with no evidence besides mommy and her attorney's word being required buy the judge.

Their first claim, which works wonders for women, was there was a family services investigation that found I yelled and was a high risk to the kids. Mind you, the judge never asked why family services didn't remove the kids from me, which they have more power to do than the courts. I subpoenaed the report to court. The report stated that the accusation was unfounded (meaning the actions I was accused of didn't happen), and the other attorney objected to the judge looking at the report (even though the attorney used the report as her impetus for removing the kids from me), so the judge didn't. There were absolutely no legal grounds for the judge to not look at the report. Imagine that - undeniable proof that the mother lied, and the judge blatantly refused to even look at it! Yeah, there's no bias!

That is why I am suing all involved parties - judges included, in civil court. Hopefully this works, we'll see. At least it's out of family court.

So she has a drug addiction and the courts still won't grant custody to the father? I rest my case.
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Well, he has to PROVE it first...and he needed to hire a good lawyer for that.....Fortunately, things have started looking up once he got the lawyer. 1 thing I do know....Don't mess w/ the court systems of you don't have a good lawyer.

We have some super dads on this site, many of whom have fought for more time with their kids. Those of us on this site tend to be those who go to great lengths to be fair and make things work, with the intention to improve the quality of all of our relationships.

I believe that many women file for divorce to protect themselves because the H's have left the marriage (either physically or emotionally) and a woman may have to file to protect the children by filing for support.

My state is one moving more toward 50/50. If all fathers actually were the parents they believe themselves to be, their wives likely would not have the issues they do in the marriage. Based on EN's, men need S8X and mothers need family commitment.

My X is a far better father now than he ever was before, and yet I get an email from the school today asking what happened this week because no homework is done and there are big tests and the teachers are worried. (I was away on business and X finally agreed to watch his own kids this time. I fully believe in the ROFR and this is the first time (in 4 years) he's cared for his own kids rather than pay a stranger to watch them.)